Ok I'm sure some of you have seen my last post about Darren, and how I don't want a relationship and just friendship. However I did say I've been mad crushing on him since I saw him...now I just need to say everything... I'll never admit it to my friends, but I think that I'm falling for him, hard. I can't go a minute without thinking about him, I can't go a minute without being jealous whenever I see him with his others friends and wish that was me, I just can't stop thinking about him... Normally the idea of me kissing a guy grosses me out, don't be offended by that, it's my personal view, but I can picture me kissing Darren when I close my eyes. It's at our upcoming employee block party at the pool at the amusement park where we work, which sadly he told me won't go to which CRUSHED me, and we're just sitting in this like tree thing and we're just by ourselves talking and no one knows we're up there and eventually we just kiss...and I can SEE it happening when I close my eyes. It breaks me that I can go and visit him at work, walk with him to my game, etc. and know that probably he won't return the feelings I have for him. But I can't just let go of a crush, I've gotten over other guys but not him. I want to believe he likes me and that it's a possibility because there are possibilities. The way he smiles at me whenever we see eachother, and I'm pretty sure I smile too, the way how today I saw him and he just stared at me until I got up to him. I know he likes girls, I have seen him post on Facebook before 'I like boobies!' and the fact that when I was bribing him to come to the football game between our schools he was going to come for a blowjob from our school slut. But even his mom thinks he's gay! He's never had a girlfriend yet many are attracted to him, doesn't take the oppurtunities. There's a picture of him on facebook with a girl kissing his cheek when he was racing down at Bristol, and of course he was smiling. So I'm personally confused. I want to hope that he may be Bi, but I don't want to be too optimisic and get hurt. I just need to talk and hear people's advice... I'm hurting, especially since he told me today he's going to the Boat Races we have every other year, I was soo excited because I thought it was the 22nd but apparently they're the 29th, the day I leave for vacation...I'm so sad. :tears:
Aren't you too young to be working? You really should take everyone's advice. Things like this happen. Eventually it will fade away. You notice too many small details, and read too much into them! If he like you, he will do something about it. The fact that he snapped at you before should speak volumes. I don't believe in love at first sight. More like crush at first sight. You like the looks, the personality,... but you don't know the person. I believe love has to be developed, and love comes from friendship. Love is a mutual thing. It's good that things are better between you two. But don't hope for too much, really.
Actually no, this is my second year working. To be honest, I do notice small things and consider the possibilities then pick the most likely one. I take most things at face value, no matter what it seems like on here. In the case of him using the bathroom I still don't know. It was him I know that, I just don't know why he was over there. And it wasn't love at first sight, that's happened over a year, if it is love. It was definitely crush at first. And yes i do like the looks and his personality but I do know the person. I've gotten to know him. It's been over a year since I've known.
...didn't I say this a few times in your last thread and you told me how wrong I was? :rolle: Anyway, now that I've got that out of my system, I'll actually give some advice. I'm going to say that all those "signs" you're using to determine whether or not he's into guys aren't exactly... conclusive of anything. I mean, if I was getting kissed on the cheek by a girl, I'd probably be chuckling and smiling to a camera. I'm not going to explain all the rest of them. I said it in the other thread too, but I could theorize till the end of the day whether or not he likes guys, but nobody will ever know unless he says so. So, since we live in a heteronormative society, it's much easier (on everyone) to assume he's "straight until proven gay". Not to mention, assuming he's your age, you guys are both teenagers. Maybe he's a late bloomer or something. Who knows. Also, it's obligatory for me to say it, but you're 15. You're crushing hard. I wouldn't necessarily call it love, since most of the things you're describing you like about him are physical attraction rather than a serious, deep connection (yes, I know you "know" him, but that's not the parts that are attractive enough to make you describe them here... they don't seem to be nearly as important). The point is, crushes come and go. Yeah, they suck while you have them, but it's truly for the better if you can get over them. And not even like a "this is what's good for you, so do it" better, but a "you'll actually feel better" better. The trinity of getting over crushes is time, distance, and distraction. You can't really spend any time away from him until fall hits (you go to different schools, I think?). You can't really distance yourself either since you work together and see each other frequently enough. So... that leaves finding a distraction. You've gotta find someone else to set your eyes on. Could be a celebrity or something where there's no risk of a relationship forming, or better yet, find a real-life guy who's into guys to hit on... you might actually get a relationship out of it. There's really no way out of a crush besides "tough love". You could wait it out, but you're going to be hurting the whole time... it's easier to find some motivation to make you get over him yourself.
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I used to be crazy mad into one of my best friends, Ashlee, for about 2 years. I'm over it know, but I really regret not taking the initiative to make things happen. I knew she identified herself as straight, but sometimes the looks she would give me made me think otherwise. She was my first gay crush and I was scared to think I wasn't straight, but I knew I really wanted her. You never know what could happen- I would start by making very subtle moves like complimenting his tshirt or hair that day. But keep your options open, get out there and flirt a bit! There's plenty of fish in the sea! I know, and totally understand thaat its way easier said than done, but some things are just the way they are.
