Bromance or more?

Hello, I've been friends with this guy for 2 years now, we met at uni. He is my best friend and I have been attracted to him for over a year now. I am gay, he was the first guy I ever told, he is straight. Anyway, we are pretty close, we spend our weekends together playing video games, watching movies, fixing cars and other generic guy stuff. I really enjoy being in his company and I'm sure he feels the same.

But lately I've been finding it really hard to control my emotions when around him. Our relationship reeks of bromance, yet I'm really not sure about some things. He touches me a lot on the nipples and ass, which makes me feel awkward, confused and sexually frustrated. I tried to talk to him on Sunday about how I felt, but I don't think he understood or I just didn't explain it properly. Any advice on the following scenario would be greatly appreciated.

So on Sunday I told my bro I wanted to talk to him about things, after a few hours of building up the courage I finally let it out. I told him I was attracted to him and that when he touches me I get quite aroused, which causes quite a few problems for myself. I've spoken to him about the touching before but never admitted to liking him until now.

His reaction was totally different from the one I'd envisioned. My attraction to him has clearly boosted his ego and he said it just makes him want to touch me more. I really don't understand. It does my head in thinking about. I feel as though there is an enormous amount of sexual tension between us but I don't know how to begin dealing with it, any ideas???

 

Thanks Night Rain. We've spoken about each others feelings before, but that has only resulted in more confusion. He once said that nothing would change between us if we were in a relationship, things would stay as they are except after video games we'd have sex. He also said recently that I could blow him if I wanted and it wouldn't be weird, just to bros helping each other out. He has also said how the thought of being with a guy is gross, yet all his actions to date seem to contradict everything he says, and in my book actions speak louder than words.

---------- Post added 10th Jul 2012 at 11:42 AM ----------

I think you're right to some degree. I might just have to start touching him in return, in order to grasp his reaction. It might be time to fight fire with fire.

 

Well, in reality I've always thought he was bi-curious. He had a girlfriend for the 1st year I knew him, they broke up but he is possibly the father of her child. I know he still thinks of going back to her, we spoke vaguely about it recently, he is not fond of talking about it or his feelings in general.

He seemed to be jealous and over possessive of me during the 1st year of friendship when I was in lust with another guy. He put up with a lot of emotional turmoil on my behalf because of that lust.

However, after reading a few similar topics here, it seems the touchy over possessive straight guy is fairly common, although I agree with the other stuff not being normal.

The only way I fear this will be cleared up is if I have a crack at him, he'll either reciprocate or not, I just have to decide what I value most. Can I afford to lose him as a friend if it goes pear shaped?

I really don't think I could, I care for him too much.:bang:

 

Thanks for the advice guys. I spoke to him about the situation again last night. He was very accepting of my thoughts and feelings. We have come to an understanding of each other I never thought possible. I'm not comfortable with sharing all the details, but we had sex. I can't believe it happened.

Everything has been cool between us ever since, I'm still at his house waiting for him to finish work.

 

Hey guys. Sorry it's taken so long to get back. I've had a lot to process in the last 5 weeks.

I've had several conversations regarding this issue with my mate, which has helped clear a few things up, but also added to the overall confusion of this quandary.

He says he doesn't love me, he is into girls. However, that has not stopped what we have done once a week, every week since I spoke to him about my feelings. He claims there is no intimacy in what we do and that it is what it is. My psychologist disagreed, she said the very act alone is intimate in nature, regardless of how we feel about each other, she thinks he is confused about sexuality and may be hiding the truth, which I and a few others have thought before.

I'm not going to harass him about it though, I have decided that whatever happens, happens. If something is going to evolve from this, it must happen on its own. I've also formed an escape plan, if things should go pear-shaped. I have told him that if and when he gets a girlfriend, it would be best for us to part ways. He got a bit upset by that and said I better not, running away from my problems won't solve anything. He may be right, but it has worked in the past.

It sounds to me like he wants the best of both worlds. During one of our talks, I shared my theory about how I think I'll find happiness, which I will share here. I've tried to have relationships with other gay men but they've never lasted more than a few weeks. I believe this is due to differences in personalities. So I have come to the conclusion that my ideal partner will probably be bisexual, I can accept them sleeping with women but not other men.

After I told him my theory he seemed happy, and he started being even more vocal about the types of girls he likes and about his past relationships. Which has led me to believe that he is interested in the above scenario or is at least giving it some thought.

As a few of you are interested in what was said when I first confronted him, I am willing to divulge all that I can remember. Basically I told him that I had feelings for him, and that I tried to deal with them on my own, unsuccessfully and that I didn't know what else to do but tell him. He asked me what I thought telling him would accomplish, I thought there were three possibilities.
1. He would freak out and our friendship would end.
2. He would accept it for what it is and we'd remain friends.
3. He would tell me he felt the same.

He thought these were all humorous, especially the last scenario. After that, he didn't say much, besides saying that he didn't know what I wanted him to say. We then spent the next 5 minutes talking about why I feel the way I do, and what I find attractive about him. He then asked if I wanted to see his penis, I said yes and he pulled it out in all its glory. After I had a good look, he said, "Well, it's there, What are you going to do about it?". And the rest is history.

I hope this makes sense, I don't expect a solution to my problem, sharing it seems to help.

Take care