Why can't I like girls?

I see you are listed as bisexual. In what way do you feel towards men?

 

Okey, I think I've got a good idea of what your situation may be. But just to make sure, do you undeniably identify as male?

---------- Post added 10th Jul 2012 at 03:01 AM ----------

There are a lot of people whose stories seem to indicate dual or even multiple sexual orientation. Like gender, sexual orientation isn't either one or the other.

If you feel confident in the fact that you are male, and you identify truly as male, the suggestion I have is that you have dual sexual orientation. And so, based on that...

With women, you may be heteroromantic asexual.
You connect and have romantic feelings for women, but no sexual desire towards them.

With men, you may be aromantic homosexual.
You have sexual attraction and desire towards men, but do not hold romantic feelings towards them like you do for women.

Now, if you are questioning your gender, and/or connect with women emotionally but not romantically, then the situation may be different.

 

Well, my questions would be, are these feelings old or are they feelings that you've had as of recent? Have you identified as bi for a while, or is that new? Have you ever had feelings, sexually, towards women or ,romantically, towards men?

The reason I ask is because (if this is something more recent), as is my case, your current mood may dictate how you feel towards one group over another. And, not to sound cheesy, but your age might be playing into this in some way.

 

First of all, don't worry you're not being offensive - I was totally cool about gay people, and pro gay rights at the same time as I was dealing with homosexual feelings and not wishing to be gay too, it's a natural step a lot of people go through.

Your post reminded me a lot of how I felt. I wanted to feel things for girls too, believe me, I hoped/prayed for it - but as you're probably aware, we don't really get to choose what we feel. Sure, it would make things easier - I think my life would've been a lot easier if I felt sexually attracted to girls. But I can't make myself feel things that aren't there, and there's little point in repressing feelings that are. We don't get to choose the hand we're dealt.

Emotional feelings always complicate matters. For me, I just couldn't get my head around being with another guy. I had no problem with other same sex couples, but personally I struggled to ever see myself with another guy in a relationship. Despite not being attracted to girls sexually, I found the idea of going out with a girl as more romantic or whatever, whereas guys to me were mates. But then, as time went on and I became more accepting of how I felt, I've been out with guys and it feels totally natural to me now - in a way, I think I was the obstacle to the idea. From an early age we're programmed to think that boys should be with girls, so alternative ideas are a challenge to us....for me it just took some time to get used to the idea.

I was also afraid of the "gay" label, mainly because I could never relate to the stereotype. Most of my friends were straight males, I liked football, I hated pop music, I disliked shopping/fashion. Somehow accepting myself as gay challenged the perception I had of who I was. Since then, I've come out and you know what? Most of my friends are straight males, I like football, I hate pop music, etc......in other words, it didn't change who I was. I'm still the same person. Being gay doesn't define you as a person any more than the colour of your eyes does.

So, I'm not saying that you're definitely gay or that you'll never feel attracted to girls - only you are capable of determining that. But don't feel obliged to put any label on yourself too soon. Have an open mind, and try to explore your feelings - don't feel ashamed to fantasise or check out people in the street. If your open and honest with yourself, you'll begin to discover exactly whether you're gay/bi.

I hope there was some sort of sense in those ramblings All the best

 

with me, i can appreciate a hot girl, yet i dont respond when they flirt with me. i emotionally bond with guys, then get physically attracted. its a pain in the ass because i emotionally bond with a close friend then i start wanting sex

 

Seconding the question about the OP's gender identity. SohoDreamer, you said you feel an attraction to women, but it doesn't seem to manifest sexually. Are you sure it isn't envy that you're feeling?

 

Yeah like, I found women very beautiful, love women with long hair! But... the only problem is, love them with cloths on! Naked I feel very uncomfortable(not to say offensive things) and all, I really like men, but the ones that have beauty both inside out!
I'm getting tired of meeting "Hot ppl" that don't talk, or only respond "yes/no", gets me pissed

But as others have asked, have you ever been romantically bonded with another guy? Or it has never happened b4?

 

You obviously don't like girls because they have cooties (I mean, those lesbians, how do they do it? ).

First off, it's not attraction if you have to force yourself to do it. Secondly, there's a reason it's called bisexual; we're talking sexual attraction here. I could give you a list of girls I could fall in love with, I just never want to sleep with them... so there's no point in me dating them. It wouldn't be healthy for either of us.

And how would it make things easier? Lurk around here and read up on some of the bi threads... I'm sure people would vehemently argue that being bi is no easier than being gay.

 

You sound exactly like me, except I am a girl. Romantically I fall in love with guys. But I always imagine girls while we are having sex, which is getting harder and harder to do. And girls are looking more and more attractive now....so I've started trying to come out about this now.

I guess that makes me heteroromantic and homosexual?????

 

I disagree with this. I'm an asexual virgin, and I'm pretty certain I wouldn't like sex. The mere thought of touching another person's private parts, or having them touch mine, fills me with disgust. I could imagine myself being OK with my boobs being fondled, if I really trusted the person, but that's about it.

Just think (and I'm not meaning offense by this analogy): do you need to taste dog poop to know you won't like it?

 

So...I'm gonna ask a very offensive question I shouldn't ask to someone your age but, I think it could help alot...what do you think about when you are..well "Enjoying yourself" alone...like not with pictures or porn...just thoughts...that seems to be a good place to start...personally for me..it usually involves imagining some kind of emotional connect and wether it's a guy or girl just depends on who I saw that day....then actual sex thoughts can vary wildly from woman to man back to woman and usually settles with me imagining a 3 way with one of each....just for a look at how my mind works, not sure if it's different for other people. =P


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Damnit! I feel for a necro thread agian!!!!! >.>!!!

 

I couldnt have said it better myself.

If you look around and read a few threads, posts, messages anywhere on the internet of individuals who are struggling with their sexuality, what is their main response?

Well, I cant be gay, because I dont fall in love or have an emotional connection to men/women.

What we dont realize is how much our own will can play into blocking out undesired feeling. You will never be trully at peace with yourself until you stop fearing any of the possible outcomes. I am not in your shoes. I have never seen your life. I dont know what your reasoning is for not wanting to be gay so strongly. But if it happens to be true, I want to assure you that the only thing that is going to make your life worse is your own unacceptance.

There will definitely be spikes in the road. But it is our decision to whether we want to sit in suffer in our supposedly ill fates, or wake up and realize that there is no reason we should be upset. Once all of the fear of possible outcomes and answers is gone, a time will hopefully come that you realize that no matter what ends up true, there is nothing wrong with you. We really do have a choice in personal happiness in our lifes and the only thing that is going to ruin it for you, is you.

 

Why are any of us the way we are? I love girls too, but put me in bed with one and I'd be useless. You are how you are and there's no point questioning it - I did that for years and look where it got me, nowhere.

 

I feel the exact same way, but with guys. I feel so much more comfortable talking and hanging out with guys, but things always become complicated when they think it's natural for us to take that "next step." I'm not out, so I always have to come up with an excuse. A lot of them are really attractive, funny, and smart, so it's frustrating knowing that my life would be perfect if I could just be sexually attracted to men.

But I'm not, and that's my reality. The sooner I stop trying to make it work, the closer I will be to accepting myself. I don't even try to label my feelings towards men with that "heterosexual romantical asexual etc" b.s. Whether it describes my feelings better or not, it just confuses me even more. Hope I'm not offending anyone; I know the labels help a lot of individuals understand their sexuality better, but knowing there exists a dictionary of terms didn't help me.

 

This is the exact situation I am in. I am sexually attracted to guys, but emotionally attracted to girls. It is so confusing...

 

I can also relate to girls much easier than with guys, I mean, MUCH easier. But despite that, I still find guys much more attractive in "that" sense, guys can make my knees weak hahah, girls only very, very rarely do and its been quite a while I haven't found one girl that did that to me... so its like, one of the biggest exceptions you can imagine.

I can relate to your post, I do love girls too! Most guys are dumb asses who have their own groups and are very competitive in their own way you know what I'm saying, its not the kind of friendship for a person like me, and often the cool guys end up trying to "fit in" and end up dumb as well, I'm not saying girls don't create the same situation, its just that its less frequent with them at least where I live. Regardless of all that, its a completely different dynamic of behavior and friendship, which I relate the best with girls!

But still, guys make my knees weak, 99% of the time I'd say, and it seems there is no way to change that for me. Well, I'm okay with it because I really like guys that way :icon_bigg

I'm just telling you a little about myself, I see we have almost the same age, maybe went through similar situations, this might be useful, dunnu.

Be happy! (!) (!)