I am gay and I'm in love with my straight Bestfriend

unfortunately your friendship is forever tainted. i even held hands with my straight best friend! he moved away, and my crush went away after about a year....

 

This is really sad,

It is so hard to choose, between saying the truth and loosing all contact, or lying for life suffering and not being honest just to maintain friendship.

Well what I would say is be honest, but really slowly! But I think no one here can tell you what to do, its your life/friend so it really is hard for any here to say something directly!

What we can help is showing our views on the prob, and open your mind on it, lets w8 more experienced ppl here say what they think about it!

Overall, all I can share you is my sympathies!

 

First things first. Has he ever made any indication, other than spending time with you, that he may be interested? Anything affectionate he's done with you could spur some signs, but even then there's no sure way.

You say you are in love with him, though from your profile it says your 15, not that someone that young can't experience it's just, have you experienced feelings for anyone else than just this one person? I've had the same feelings about one of my closest friends for the longest time. I cared about him so much I actually cried every night the week he went away to spend time with his older sibling. I was 110% sure I was in love with him. But then he had to move away, I felt heartbroken, two weeks later I became friends with another guy who was just as amazing, and gay, we started going out and a total of about 1 and a half months later I realized I had barely thought of the previous boy in my life and was completely "over" the torn feelings I had. I realized what I had was a really strong crush/infatuation/
What I'm saying is, if he's the only person you've been emotionally and physically attracted to, you may be confused as to what love feels like.

Lastly. If you really are close as you say you are, it should be no problem. Why would someone throw a friendship like that away if they really care about you? They wouldn't. So if you decide to tell him and it does something to the relationship, for the worse, it's for the better, otherwise you would have continued spending wasted time focusing on someone who did not value the relationship you two had. Even if he does seem to overreact at first he may get over it and used to it. Otherwise there's nothing you can do about it.

If you think you're going to split sometime soon; you have the two choices. Tell him, even if it turns out the truth hurts a lot. Or don't and miss your chance, spend your life regretting and wondering "What if?" The latter is horrifying, I've personally experienced and am still experiencing it even today.

Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

 

Welcome to EC!

It's a common problem. Finding yourself attracted to somebody who might not be attracted back, and worried that he might reject you if he found out.

Here's a tactic to mull over, that might or might not be something you think might work. You might let him know that you're mulling something over, and you're not sure you want to tell him just yet, but you'll want to talk about it once you've gotten to a better spot. Then, once you feel comfortable telling him, let him know you're gay. That's it. Not that you have feelings for him, just that you're gay. And you might bring up some of the things he said - in a non-accusatory way. "When you said you thought One Direction would break up once they realized how gay they were, it made me wonder if you wouldn't accept me if I told you I was gay, too. So it sort of made me worry that maybe I shouldn't tell you. But I think you deserve to know, because you're a good friend of mine, and I hope you'll be supportive."

This will be his cue. If he IS gay, then that'd be his time to tell you, as well. I'd say chances are great that he's NOT gay, but I'd say odds are in your favor he'll at least be in your camp. He may need a bit of time to get used to that information, but I'm betting he'll still be your friend.

Lex

 

Ain't that the truth! I had such a mad crush on my best friend for a while and I was so sure he was questioning at the least... so sure. He came on to me jokingly a few times, he slapped my butt a few times, we watched Lord of the Rings under the same blanket. Oh my, I was so sure... but nope, straight as an arrow. Turns out he's just platonically affectionate, which is great... but confusing. We're still super close.

 

Everyone's covered most of the good stuff already, so I'll just add to these.

You guys are teenagers in a society where "gay" is a synonym for "stupid" or "feminine". OD is a boy band; of course they get a lot of flack because of it. They sing upbeat, not-too-serious pop songs. Hell, they don't even use instruments. Not exactly the most "masculine" path to be taking, right?

My point is that him calling them gay doesn't mean a whole lot. Hell, I'd call them gay just for being a boy band. If only though... some of them are kind of cute tbh. <_<

And I hate to burst your bubble, but just because you have the same name and close birthdates doesn't mean you're destined for one another. It's a coincidence, sure, but don't fool yourself into thinking that's a great reason why you should be madly in love with each other.

Oh, and if you do decide to come out to him, I would avoid telling him that you're in love with him. Odds are he won't have the same feelings for you that you have for him and it'll only strain the friendship. You're better off keeping that piece of information to yourself and finding a way to get over him.

 

I'm sorry sweetie -- being in love with your straight best friend sucks! If you do come out to him, it probably wouldn't be the best idea to mention your feelings for him. Does your school have a GSA or some other support system for LGBT kids? That's a great place to meet guys who could potentially like you back, and it could imply your orientation without you actually having to say anything. In the meantime, enjoy your friendship but don't let your hopes get too high -- I know that sounds awful, but statistically it's pretty unlikely that he's gay too. Good luck hon, and I'm sorry -- heartbreak hurts like hell. <3

 

You can always do this, text him or message him online or something, because it's going to be a lot easier over the internet rather than in person. Message him and tell him you're gay, but don't tell him you like him... yet. Tell him that, and if he reacts badly, then, you could always say "just kidding!" as a decoy. But if he's a good friend, he won't leave you if you say it, but that's the best way to say it and tell whether he would accept you or not. But don't tell him on the same day that you like him, because, usually when you tell someone that you're gay, they'll be shocked and they'll have to take it all in. Don't bombard him with both. If he accepts that your gay, then you can do the same thing again. Message him and tell him you like him, and if he over reacts, just say you were kidding. That's how I always get my problems solved, I just say just kidding if they seem like they won't accept it.

 

These stories always break my heart :tears: I can't offer you reliable advice, because I've never been in that situation, but you're the one who knows him best so I think that decision is up to you. If you do tell him, I applaud your bravery. And it sounds like he must value your friendship as well, that must count for something.

 

Awwwww! This is really sweet! Here's my advice to you. If you want to tell him how you feel, you have to be prepared for possible rejection. Trust me if you go up to him thinking that he's just gonna fall for you, if he does reject you, it's gonna hurt a lot worse. When I told my friend how I felt, I had come to the point where, no matter what he said, I could accept it and move on. Turns out he didn't have feelings for me, but he did accept me and we're still friends to this day.

 

I'd say you test the waters first. Ask him about gay couples you've seen on the news or on shows you watch. Say you think it's pretty cool that gay people can be out like that without being afraid. See what he thinks of that. If he's not cool with it, back off and wait a little longer.

The best way, I think, is to come out to him, and then later tell him you really like him. It could overwhelm and scare him to tell him both, so do it one at a time. If he's fine with you being gay, he's more likely to not freak out if you tell him you like him. If he's not fine with you being gay, he doesn't have as much to feel "threatened" by if he doesn't know you like him that way.

I tried the all at once thing with my first crush. It ended very, very, very badly.