Hi EC, I really need some advice here as I am incredibly worried for my sister. She never really talks about her boyfriend that has been in prison for like 3 years or so, but we were drinking a bit and she started talking about him briefly and I was shocked to hear what she had to say about him, I was pretty much speechless for at least 5 mins completely unable to talk. She says she loves him, but I think she does actually want to leave him, but is scared. She was saying maybe shes thinking the worst of things, but in reality I think shes spot on. She says that he said that he will break the legs of any boy she goes near, and I laughed at that point, as did she but then she said she was actually serious, he generally meant that. He IS actually insane, not exaggerating he generally is insane. She said that its not easy to just leave him like everyone else tells him too, and that my brother said shes probably in too deep now, so apparently everyone disapproves of him. He knows where her new flat is that she lives in now so she can't exactly hide or do anything similar. She said she's not too worried that he will hurt her, but she says that if anyone else outside the family hurt her he would literally kill them... I'm not quite sure how she doesn't see that he's not a risk to her if he would do that. There's a difference between jealousy and insanity. She says she's actually made a deal like you see in some movies here and there, where if people are single by the time they're 30 then they'll get married. Apparently she has 4 backups and she actually talked about them. She REALLY doesn't sound like she wants to be with this guy, but that she feels she can't leave him now or she puts everyone in danger. What can I do? I'm extremely disappointed in my family for not taking this harder than they should have. I really can't believe my brother doesn't seem to care, because to me, family means family. I would risk my own life to make sure hers is safe, but I'm not sure if there's anything I can do... How can this situation become safe?
First off, how old is she? And her boyfriend? And maybe even your brother, who knows, it might be useful information. I think beyond anything else, if everyone believes she's "in too deep", sticking around isn't going to solve anything. It's like pulling a Band-Aid in a sense, the longer you wait and draw it out the worse it is. You just need to do it and get it over with. And, like the above, I don't think her staying with him is suddenly going to stop him from killing other people if he is actually as crazy as he sounds. Better she get herself to safety first. Not that I know much about these situations, but if he's in prison, presumably he's got some steps to go through before he's a truly free man. Wouldn't the police be there to help if you informed them? That's a pretty terrifying situation though. I don't know your relationship with her or the age difference, but it might be worth bringing it up again, once, out of the context that you're concerned for her but can't and won't force her to do anything, especially if she's older than you. It certainly doesn't hurt to try.
She is 27, my brother is 23 and I believe her boyfriend is roughly the same age as her. He got sent to prison for brutally beating someone up and hospitalising them, as well as multiple robberies and various other stuff which I can't remember. The thing is, I believe she just wants to stay with him to keep everyone safe. How can she get to safety? I don't see how she can be truly safe from him, infact he actually told her that if she ever broke up with him he would kill all her old boyfriends then kill himself. The thing is I want to help her but I don't know how, I agree with her that it's not as simple as just splitting up with him due to what he might do, I just don't know how to help her.
