I knew a boy who was a friend of my roomy. He is a teen, and has gotten different recently. 1st he got his tongue pierced, then i saw on FB he likes pot, and now he got a tattoo of chinese symbol. he is 15 and deaf. and this summer he had told me he didn't want to have anything to do with drugs cuz his dad was in prison for it, and he didn't want to go to hell and asked me how to go to heaven. he never did go to church after i told him how to pray to God. i think the devil is leading him to the dark side, and i bet in a couple years he is just as messed up as his dad. then last night he posted on Facebook F*** u, because i told him the truth about having a tattoo having issues later in life, including jobs. he said i hurt him, but i said truth hurts sometimes and friends tell you truth to help you, but you changed. he says i am mean. my roomy disagrees says i am not mean. so i wanted to be a good role model, had offered him books on deaf history and encouraged him to keep up good grades cuz it is extra hard for deaf to make a good living. now i feel like i don't want to deal with him. i have my own problems. i can't handle watching him degrade! i think instead of being his big bro, i am going to unfreind him.
I don't think you're mean. I think you're concerned, and don't know how to deal with the situation. I'm pretty sure he took your response to the changes he is making as you judging him and responded by lashing out at you. "I think you are making poor choices." "Fuck you!" Is pretty much a typical teenager response. One of two things are going on. He's acting out because of something happening in his life, or more likely he's just a teenage kid. He's rebelling. All his life people have told him what he is and what he isn't, how to dress, how to look, how to act. Most teenagers (or adults later in life) go through some type of rebellious phase. It's where they try and find themselves, who they are, and what they want. That's healthy and good. Unfortunately, sometimes people make poor decisions. His asking you about your religion was likely his way of wondering if he fits in with your crowd. Since he didn't bother showing up to Church, I'm guessing he figured that he didn't fit in there. Is he making poor choices? Yes, of course he is. He's a teenager. There is a whole host of reasons that he makes poor choices, part of it is his brain isn't developed enough to have sufficient longterm thinking regarding the consequences of his actions. Part of it is immaturity. Part of it might be because he's acting out. And there could be a hundred other reasons. So, how do you react and what do you do? Well, first you don't judge him for the choices he is making. That's not going to go well, as you've come to realize. Accept him for whatever changes and mistakes he makes in his life. You can't tell him what to do, and you can't control him. So, the only thing you can do is accept him, be there for him, and guide him along the way. When you notice he is about to make a poor decision, an advantage that you have due to your age (and generally speaking - though not always - age brings experience and experience brings maturity), instead of telling him what he shouldn't do ask him some questions. "Do you think that's a good idea?" "Why?" "Aren't you worried about X happening?" Questions like that force him to be introspective, and examine his motivations and by extension question the consequences of them. And of course, if you ask good questions you can "guide" him to the proper conclusions while making him think that he came to them all on his own. Then you're not "telling" him what to do, he's "deciding" what to do, but just isn't mature enough to see that you've "guided" him down the path you wanted him to take. The other important thing you can do is examine his hobbies, and then encourage him to express himself in different ways that are positive and less self-destructive. For example, if he likes Martial Arts, or is interested in something like MMA help him enroll in a Martial Arts or self-defense class. You could take it with him as well, and as your friendship and trust grows through the shared activity, so will your influence and positivity.
