1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

need urgent help!!!!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by vanshsharma, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. vanshsharma

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    jaipur ,india
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    i m a 21 year old guy from india. i m gonna be completely honest with you. I had ma first homosexual experience at the age of 11 i remember with my friend. It was just a body play nothing else . After that i had these experiences with my 2 other friends ,but just kissing n body play. This contiued till the age of 17. thn after ma friends departed , i turned to watching gay porns . i hve been watching gay porns since 3 years . in the meantime i even tried to hook up with guys through social networking sites. i met with 4-5 guys through it n made out with them not had sex with them. i hve nt wayched any straight porn since 3 years.
    But , i dont wanna be a homosexual. i m nt saying that i hate gays , i do respect them..i just want a straight life..wanna marry n have a family. on top of that , being in india, society wont accept me.

    i think that had i nt hve homosexual relations with ma friends , n had i not been watching gay porns for such a long time...i would have been straight.i hve been watching gay porns for a long time n quite frequently , almost everyday . i used to enjoy straight porns before but the moment i turned to gay porn i stopped watching thm n havent seen one since 3 years..but nw i hve decided to fully quit gay porns n switch to straight ones as before. its impossible in ma country n caste to lead a homosexual life.
    if i quit all ma homosexual activities n start watching straight porns , is it possible that i develop sexual feeling towards girls again or you can suggest me some ways to do it. i m ready to do anything to achieve this...
    this thing is eating me up whole time..i m feeling depressed,sad n tensed about my future..
    plz help me to solve ma problem..:slight_smile::slight_smile:
     
  2. Catkin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Europe
    Hi vanshsharma, welcome to EC. I saw this on the second page with no answers and I didn't want it to get lost, so I'm going to try and answer you as best as I can, and then hopefully someone more knowledgeable will see this post and reply themselves.
    I think an awful lot of people on EC can relate to feeling like that. I know I can. I have a lot of friends who are gay, I get really angry and upset if anyone discriminates against them, I support equal rights...but realising that you yourself might in fact be in the same boat, and that those negative opinions might apply to you too feels completely different and makes everything much more personal and threatening. I don't think that many people want to be gay (at least at first); I don't think that many people would choose to be part of a oppressed minority group. The thing is though, it isn't a choice, which is why I don't think your plan to try to turn yourself straight by watching straight porn is likely to work.
    I also have a whole host of 'reasons' as to why I'm really straight, but whenever I've written about any of them on here everyone has explained how illogical they all are, how they are just excuses. If you hadn't wanted to watch gay porn or have sex with male friends, if you simply hadn't weren't interested and therefore never did those things, then that would support the conclusion of you being straight. But you were interested in other boys, you did do those things, which doesn't make it likely that you are straight.
    Even though one of my grandparents is originally from India, I don't know that much about what it is actually like there. Hopefully someone who knows the country will come along and give you advice.
    Would you consider moving to another country? It might be difficult, but it also might be worth it. You speak English, which gives you more options should you decide to move. If you have any higher education, that would help too.
    Unless you already do have feelings for girls too (if you were bisexual) then I really don't think it is possible to change who you are attracted to. A lot of people on here have tried that and it hasn't worked for them. I'm sorry you are feeling so down about this(*hug*), stick around EC, we'll help you if we can.
     
  3. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi there and welcome to EC!

    As Catkin has suggested, I don't think watching gay porn made you gay. Instead, I think being gay made you watch gay porn. So watching straight porn isn't likely to reverse that.

    I don't know much about India either, although I do understand that it is not very open or supportive of homosexuality. And that really sucks. So in the short term, you might need to just keep this to yourself and see how things go for the next couple of years.

    Maybe you'll travel abroad for school or for work, and then you'll be able to be more open about who you are.

    But in the mean time, as hard as it will be, just put this whole issue asside for a while. Try not to let it bother you. Maybe you'll want to just stop watching all porn for a while.

    Not sure what else to suggest... but keep posting here because it can be an outlet for your fears and concerns.
     
  4. xramonx

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2012
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    São Paulo
    Yes as others have said...
    I tried also watching Str8 porn, trying to become straight, it really didn't work, tried to masturbate while thinking about girls, didn't work either!
    As already said it is not a choice, and you will have a harder time trying to change it!
    I really don't know anything about India besides being a very closed minded religious place(sorry if offended) and since it might be dangerous for you to say anything to other people, you should at least for now keep it to yourself, and Use EC as a company!

    Sorry if this doesn't helps at all but please keep posting here, as it somehow lessens the pressure on you!
     
  5. oblina

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2012
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Memphis
    Hello!
    I am new to EC too,welcome! I think that lots of people feel a sense of loss or maybe fear at the thought of losing that "stereotypical life", A family, a wife, all those things. Thats normal, that is what you were raised to want, so why wouldn't you feel that those are the normal things to want? I understand that it would be very hard to be gay in a culture such as your own, but it may be even harder to be happy if you force yourself to live a life that you don't want. Consider what you want, what makes you happy. Not what other have told you will make you happy.