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Family beleives I'm straight, How to tell them I'm gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by oblina, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. oblina

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    I grew up in a very narrow minded town known for racist and rednecks. Although I knew i liked girls it was easier to slap "bisexual" up and ignore how I felt than deal with myself. I have been dating someone who was my best friend for four years. We broke up recently because I fell in love with a girl and couldn't ignore it anymore. How do I tell my parents that I have been in an empty relationship with a boy they have accepted as family? How do I get them to understand?
     
  2. Aldrick

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    I grew up in a town just like yours, so I know what you went through. It's hard, but it's not the town as a whole that you have to worry about, it's your family.

    How do you anticipate they'll react to the truth?

    By the way, welcome to EC. (*hug*)
     
  3. oblina

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    ^.^ Thanks
    I don't know how they will react. My parents aren't conservative, and support gay rights but I am afraid they won't believe me because of the relationship I was in in the past. I'm afraid they may even try to convince me to get back with him.
     
  4. Delta

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    Talk to them about issues that are related to yours. Find gay people in the news or in stories who have had close friends as "beards". See how they react to that. And then, when it's in a calm moment, just tell them. Say exactly the truth. You're gay, and even though you really like your friend, it's just as a friend. Say you've always labeled yourself bisexual, but the 'men' part just doesn't work out anymore. If they support gay rights, they'll be a lot more likely to support you. Good luck!
     
  5. Silvails52

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    Trust me, it could be worse. I think they'll accept you. But wait until you feel ready. Don't rush into anything you're not prepared for.
     
  6. Aldrick

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    Well if they support gay rights, then it means at least they aren't walking in lockstep with the rest of your homophobic town. So that's a plus in your favor.

    There is no written rule that says you have to come out of the closet. The reason you come out is because you want to be honest about who you are, and you want to live your life openly. So, you shouldn't place any pressure on yourself. You don't "have to" do anything you don't want too. When you come out, unless you're outed by someone else, it's because you "want to" not because you "have to".

    Will your parents be surprised? Probably, yes. However, being surprised doesn't mean they don't accept you, it just means you might have to explain to them how you ended up where you're currently sitting.

    There are people on these forums who were married for many years, had children, and came out later in life. There are also people here, like you, who exclusively dated the opposite sex, and have just started the process of coming out.

    My point in telling you that is because I want you to know that you aren't the only one. There are other people who know exactly what you're going through. (*hug*)
     
  7. silverhalo

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    I think its important to just be honest with them, explain it as you did to us, you love your best friend, but only as a friend and you felt you had to be true to yourself and you feel that your future will be with a girl.
    You say that they support LGBT rights so im sure they will understand.
     
  8. oblina

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    Thank you everybody for the responses! I told my mom about my girlfriend, I just haven't told her that we are officially dating. I told her I had something to tell her and she was like "is it about the girl" so she saw it coming. But she still thinks im "experimenting a little", which exasperates me. I love my girlfriend and am not interested in straight sex at all. I need to get this through her head!
     
  9. silverhalo

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    Just take it one step at a time, it might take them a while to fully recognise it but they will get there.
     
  10. ToTheCeilingFan

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    Depending on how receptive your mom seems to the idea, you might want to just sit her down and tell her everything you've said here, very directly so that there can't be any question. Remember, you've had years to figure this out and it's taken time for you to be comfortable with your sexuality; your mom'll probably have to go through the same thing. Hope everything works out, good luck! <3