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Always thought I was straight until past couple of months, now I'm a bit confused

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Plataeu, Jul 11, 2012.

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  1. Plataeu

    Plataeu
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    Hi, I'm quite an androgynous person I suppose but I've never really felt attracted to another man before, and I've turned out to be quite good with women the past three years (somehow!) which is nice, after nothing really happening for me until I was 17. I kissed a couple of guys experimentally aged 18, but never really liked it, and thought myself purely straight.

    However, I've occasionally been thinking about a guy I vaguely know for the past couple of months, and started watching gay porn and thinking about him (although the first time I properly did this was today). I felt quite comfortable watching it, I'm not ashamed or anything like that, but I suppose I'm in a state of mild surprise that I could find something like that hot. I suppose I've always had a little bit of a thing for boys, but as I was raised a Catholic (I wouldn't recommend it), perhaps I've repressed it all this time, and now I'm starting to open up as a person my attraction to boys is coming out a little?

    It should be such a small thing, but I don't want all my friend's perception of me to change if I try and experiment with a guy (though no idea who that would be! The boy I'm thinking about I hardly know is in a comfortable gay relationship anyway, it's just a crush really). Stupid social conventions and all that to blame for most of these feelings I guess!

    Anyway, I'm confused, so I suppose my question would be, in your opinions, having been through this before I'm guessing, does this little bit of attraction to a guy/masturbating to gay porn mean that I am definately at least bisexual? And, could this "develop" (for want of a better word) into me stopping being attracted to women over the next few years? I am more surprised than anything else, just starting to get to grips with how to date women, never mind starting all over again with men... Thanks for reading if you're here :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Plataeu, Jul 11, 2012
  2. Plataeu

    Plataeu
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    (Bump)
     
    #2 Plataeu, Jul 12, 2012
  3. Night Rain

    Night Rain
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    You're definitely not straight since you're sexually attracted to males (and the masturbating to gay porn).

    If you have always been sexually attracted to females, then I would say you are bisexual. And no, you won't stop being attracted to them. There could be times when you are more attracted to one gender than another.
     
    #3 Night Rain, Jul 12, 2012
  4. stumble along

    stumble along
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    Hey welcome :slight_smile:

    I would aggree with your thinking that you are at least bisexual, and as you delve into it more you will be able to find a clearer image and get a grasp as to what you are like. Of course you dont have to put labels on anything bit if it helps then experimentint will help you find the right label.
     
    #4 stumble along, Jul 12, 2012
  5. jimL

    jimL
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    The first time I kissed a guy I didn't like it. I think it was because it was just a casual encounter, just sex. I didn't really find him real attractive, so that's not surprising. It sounds as though you might be bisexual. The good thing about that is it opens up a whole new expanded world for you. I say go with you heart. If you find yourself attracted to a guy then have fun with it, and the same for females. If you have been attracted to girls, and still are, then those feelings most likely continue. As far as people thinking differently of you if they find out that you are attracted to guys......well it depends on the quality of your friendships. I think this is one of those things that most people struggle with during their time of coming out. For me, all of my friends treat me the same as they did before I came out, much to my surprise. Love is love. Just find someone that you are attracted to and fall in love with them, male or female. Long term relationships are about love not about sex. Good luck.
     
    #5 jimL, Jul 12, 2012
  6. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    Hi there and welcome to EC! I was just a little bit older than you when I started to use gay porn too.

    It depends. I was attracted to girls as well growing up, and even in my 20s. But I think now, in hindsight, that it was more social conditioning than anything else. I don't think it was a true attraction, but instead it was what I was supposed to do. Everyone else was, so I should too.

    By my mid 30s I couldn't deny any longer that I was gay. Once I accepted that I stopped having any attraction to women. Guys turn my head, girls get no reaction.

    So while you could be bi, you could also be gay and still coming to terms with that. But as everyone else has said, try not to sweat it. Go with what feels right and see where that takes you.
     
    #6 Jim1454, Jul 12, 2012
  7. midnightvanity6

    midnightvanity6
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    Well considering you have dated girls before, and are comfortable with women, but now you're starting to feel attracted to men in the same way. Like watching gay porn etc. you're probably bisexual.
     
    #7 midnightvanity6, Jul 12, 2012
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