Apologies for the book - but a little unsure of what I've gotten myself into. Met a guy online - we've been out for drinks, grabbed food and have fooled around a few times. I'm not "out" yet I asked him to come out for drinks when a friend from work and he declined saying it was sort of a "BF thing" that it was a bit of a tease for him. That what we've got going is a good thing and he doesnt want to push the boundaries and want more. He was under the impression that this was completely casual which he said he's okay with. Was a little thrown off at first, but decided to go for broke yesterday and ask whether or not he had any interest in taking this further...quite simply because I couldnt gauge his interest. He said his main roadblock is that I'm not out yet - and when I asked if that wasnt really an issue he said he'd hates leaving me hanging but he doesnt know. Said he was really flattered as he hadnt been asked out by a guy in years and didnt want to complicate things....didnt know how to respond to that so I simply said "wing it?" to which he replied "play it by ear. baby steps." my only thing is i cant tell if he's interested in me. when we first started talking, i was in the position of receiving initial messages, having the conversations started...and its seem to be reversed now. i seem to be the one initiating conversations - we both have busy schedules so we havent really gotten to see a lot of eachother...but it seems like theres a bit of distance now. i decided to give it a break for the day and not initiate a conversation today and i've heard nothing from him at all. its becoming tiring figuring out if this is a "hard to get" tactic or if he's genuinely losing interest. not sure what to do at this stage - other than to just let it be. But again, I'm new to this whole thing so I dont want to what to make of any of it.
I would honestly say that he's interested. Like he said, he doesn't like that you're not out yet. I believe he's afraid of becoming commited to you because if you're not out yet, he may think you're still confused and doesn't wanna get hurt. If he's trying to distance himself, the next move needs to be you coming out or else he's not gonna be interested in sticking around. That's just my take on the situation, hope that helps some! i wish you the best of luck!
It does sound like what GabbyLynne said, he may be unsure of moving forward with this because you aren't out yet. He wouldn't want to get hurt. I think you should just try to talk to him about the situation and see what he's thinking. Not too too serious but just enough so you can have more clarity. It does sound like he's just as confused about this as you are.
When he said it was sorta like a BF thing, I understood that as saying "you want me to be there but you're not ready to acknowledge me as your boyfriend and that hurts". If he's out, and depending on how difficult that process was for him, he's possibly not comfortable at all getting closer to you yet having to pretend he's just a friend when you guys are in public.
thank you for all your input ...i think i did get my answer, but still not a straight forward one. we went and grabbed coffee yesterday - its the first time we've seen eachother in over a week...i think it went well. i told him that i tested the waters last week and came out to a few people..felt good. he even said that he was going out tonight and might fire me a text if "stuff is so crazy that you just have to be there"....which I took as a positive sign, provided he wanted me to join him and his friends. still couldnt shake the feeling so i asked point blank this morning - that im not sure if im just being neurotic but i was sensing that he had lost interest..that im no good at reading between the lines...and was this accurate. he responded with "Nope. I've definitely been putting out vibes somewhere in the family of "not interested" I'm just a little taken back, my last real bf was more than two years ago. I'm a little rusty." ...I didnt know how to respond so i just said that I'm not a big dater and have never had to pursue anyone. Getting mixed signals and didnt know what to make of it. He hasnt responded yet (hes at work) - but this is where my frustration stems from. That I cant get a straight forward answer, every response always leaves an "if" or a possibility. Thoughts?
