As a child I was attracted to the same sex and was mildly effeminate. In my early twenties I was very sexually active with men. I was in a 2 year monogamous committed relationship with another man. I was never happier in my life. I broke the relationship off because I was afraid that being gay would hurt my career advancement. I decided to become straight. I moved away to a large city. A woman I met at work were going out together and she considered me her boyfriend. I tried to satisfy her, but I was not attracted to her and felt trapped. I lied about my past to her. I did not want to hurt her feelings. I quit the job and moved 3000 miles away. I am very confused. I miss the man I had a relationship with. I still fantasize about men. I am afraid I might still be gay. Am I gay?
Yep, sounds like you are. I don't understand the choice aspect though. Sexuality is not a choice where you can just switch one day to save your job.
I just to qualify that before you or someone else says it can't be that simple, or perhaps accuses me of being presumptuous. I responded in that way because it is the clearest, least confusing and most honest response that I could have given. No amount of explanation or fluff on my part would have helped you make sense of it, or made you more sure of yourself, not least because I don't have any training in therapy. You are gay, but social pressures caused you to go into a state of denial for the sake of self-preservation. That is merely a restatement of what you have essentially said yourself. I am very sorry that you lost what you had with the man you loved. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, but unfortunately there is no undoing it. You will simply have to come to terms with what happened and move onward in life knowing that you can learn from it all and gain something from it. Good luck.
Yeah, it's worse if you run away from it, you will suffer more! But be happy about it! You're just another human being that needs Love!
Dude, you can't just decide to be attracted to the opposite sex, or to the same sex -- you like who you like and fighting it will only end in disappointment and depression, both on your end and for the people with whom you enter relationships. Embrace yourself, and don't try to force attraction where there isn't any. Good luck and I hope it all goes well, hugs. <3
Sounds like youre gay, but as dl72 said its nothing to be ashamed of. Never be ashamed of who you are.
I'd say pretty much without question you're gay. And as others have said, you can't just "decide to be straight" any more than you can "decide to be asian" or "decide to be black" or "decide to be white." You are what you are
Love yourself. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and yes...considering what you said, you are gay.
Yeah, sounds like you are. It's definitely not a choice though. You can't "choose to be straight" or "choose to be gay" - trust me, it won't work. And once you understand that, you might have an easier time accepting yourself. (*hug*)
You answered your question in your first couple of sentences it looks like. A straight guy would NEVER even think about doing stuff with another guy.
Thank you for all your replies! I miss him. I wish I could go back to him and stop living a lie. I think that the woman I was with should have got the hint when the first "date" was the LGBT film festival, but I guess she thought I was too "cute" to be gay. That's what she said!
Denial plays a huge role when women go out with gay men. They live in a fantasy world and ignore signs of the obvious. I'd suggest breaking it off now (or very soon), otherwise you are hurting her more every day you continue with the lie.
