and we texted for a bit and he told me he was a christian and then i came out to him and he said that he will have to think about it and will get back to me soon. welp... could have gone worse? still kind of freaking out? what do i do next? i told him that its ok and that im an open book for questions so if he has a question to just ask. and then i told him a bunch of other "normal" stuff to hopefully show im still a person. hopefully i dont need to get switched around but ok.
It happens, you can't go through life without having to deal with a few people who don't like something about you. I'm sure it won't be too bad.
Well it could have been worse, and I think you were right to tell him so it didn't become and issue for you guys later on. I would wait and see what happens. You might be surprised and he might be ok with it.
Well, you've never met in person, so it won't be too bad. It's not like you're losing a friend. Also, if he switches now, it's better than you telling him later and having him be pissed.
im not really worried about rejection/hate im more worried is that what if the schol contacts my parents to let them know of the change and tell them why. i mean most likely they wont but i still really do not want them to know at all.
College housing people are generally pretty sensitive to this sort of thing, and, additionally, they generally prefer dealing with the student rather than his or her parents. So I don't think you have much to worry about. If your parents do find out you're switching and ask why, it's easy to just say something like "Oh, the person I was housing with ended up not going to the school" or something like that. Additionally... anybody bigoted enough to be uncomfortable having a gay roommate isn't someone you want to be housing with anyway
Yeah that's what I was thinking, since the parents have nothing to do with housing. Still, it'd be less annoying if I didn't have to switch around, and then the college will know and they might try and help or something Idk I just want a cool rookmie and be done with it
Well, he doesn't sound (necessarily) like a cool roommate, so having a switch might be better. Hindsight 20/20, maybe it wasn't ideal to lead with coming out, but like everyone's said it isn't a big deal. It something that doesn't affect a whole lot and is easily covered up/lied about if need be. Just hold out for whoever you're rooming with to be awesome.
I don't think the school can tell your parents because of legal stuff. And I don't think anyone should be making assumptions about this potential roommate and what a jerk he is. All he said was he had to think about it, that's not necessarily a bad thing. He could decide that it doesn't matter, or he could decide that it does. Even if it does end up mattering to him, it doesn't necessarily make him a bigot. You're not a bigot or close-minded if you're afraid of something that you don't really understand. I think you did the right thing by offering to talk to him about it further, and I hope he decides to give it a chance.
well, I'm a Christian too, and I was not out to myself so I would have wondered is this person going to be a flaming gay and bring a lot of wild sex in my dorm and I will have to leave to the library often to not feel uncomfy? I bet if he gets to know you, and sees you are a really nice normal person, who just dates same sex is all, he will feel much better. It will be really good for him too. After I made a gay friend, I got more, not seeking them, just found out that they are not perverted or all the same. So it helped me in my coming out, and one of the very first gay friends I made, who is not Chrisitan but has been to my church, and knew I was not pro Equality, I came out to. We are just tight like brothers now! Even if you are reassigned, may I kindly suggest offering an olive branch of kindness and friendship to this person when you do meet on campus? True Christians WANT to do the right thing! They do NOT want to hurt anybody! So from what your 1st post said, Im gonna bet he is straight but kind hearted and wants to feel safe in his room and also get along with you. I bet he don't know any nice gays, you can be his very first gay best friend.
Well, it has been a few days and I thought I should text him again and see how he reqcts, he seems like a nice guy but hasn't brought up the situation again I see this a few ways: Doesn't care and is over the issue Cares but swept it under the rug Cares but doesnt know how to bring it up Doesn't care but doesn't know how to bring it up Still thinking about it. My friends said to give him 2 days to think before bringing it up again, and I've gave him much more time than that, so should i bring it up and if so, how?
Have you guys set roommate rules yet? You can always bring it up when you guys are setting boundaries. From what I have learned from my friend's experiences with roommates in a shared dorm, the biggest problem is the assumption that the other person will be ok with something (doesn't have to be gay related). Things like, what items are they allowed to use and which items are off limits. What kind of noise level each of you are willing to tolerate and what time is it appropriate to have people over. Are there some sort of courtesy protocol or something to having people over, like text the roommate first or does it matter. Lots of things. In your case, you can talk about gay issues too. What is an ok tolarance for him to lgbt issues since it is new to him. Is it uncomfortable for him to bring your boyfriend around? PDA? You don't have to caterto his every desire and you don't have to walk on egg shells if he isn't willing to learn or compromise or try to understand.
Personally, I think you shouldn't judge him too quickly - you don't want him to judge you either. I'd just wait and see - keep texting him and discuss ordinary things. Let him take it at his own pace. If he's uncomfortable, he'll do something about it, but he hasn't done anything about it yet. I think that's a good sign - perhaps he'll turn out to be cool and accepting. The weird thing is, in Europe you'd probably have more of an issue getting someone to share with a self-professing Christian! How odd!
Best of luck with your rooomate. I think it's good that you told him early on so that it won't become a problem later. It'll be easier to change rooms closer to the start of the semester than mid-semester (if you were to tell him then). I hope he realizes that by sharing that with him you were showing him your desire to be completely open and honest with him- which is an awesome quality in a roommate! If he can't accept you for your sexuality, you're really better off without him. Remember: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" ~Dr. Seuss
Just let it be is my opinion. I think you're putting more thought into this at this point than is needed. I mean after all, he could've easily just said "you're a f*g, ew". But he didn't, he said he'd think about it. Just leave it for now. I realize you might want to switch rooms before school starts but don't push him, then you'll just piss him off and have to switch rooms. Just wait for him to come to you with his decision.
IF he hasn't said anything and isn't doing anything, he may be ok with it. Remember that many, if not most, human beings are fearful of things that are new and unknown, so if he's never spent time around a gay person (that he knows of), he might have some preconceived notions about you. So perhaps, as long as you don't parade around the room in a leather thong, snap your rainbow towel at him while he's dressing, and comment on how cute his ass is... you'll reset his beliefs and things will be fine
