Bit lengthy, thanks in advance to anyone who sticks around for the whole thing... So I'm 27 and been out to everyone under the sun as a lesbian for 5ish years, in that time I've never managed to make things work long time with another woman and I just figured that I hadn't met the right person. I recently managed to get sober (8months) and have found that some of my thought processes have changed a little. My best guy friend was my number one supporter in that process. The other night I was really struggling with my desire to drink...but then I couldn't help picturing the look of disappointment that he would have when I told him about it. I did toy with the idea of just not telling him but I know myself well enough to know that I could not keep that from him. Ever since I had that realization I have been thinking about our relationship in a different way...I have started to think about him in romantic way. I do not wish to start a relationship with him presently but I could see it maybe down the line. I think sometimes that he wants that too but I just really am not sure. He has a similar dating history to me, never managed to make anything stick. Now here's the rub...We are both living with our parents but have talked a little about moving out and possibly moving into an apartment together. neither of us can really afford to live on our own at the moment. What worries me is potential complications that might arise from those living arrangements. A few of our mutual friends know how I feel and have suggested that I go for it...both the apartment and trying to start a relationship...but I guess I just want some kind of neutral sounding board. Should I tell him how I'm feeling and see where he is? Or just carry on is and let it resolve itself? Or should I keep quiet but stop the moving plans. Or maybe I am just over thinking all of this--which would be pretty standard for me actually. Thanks for listening...or you know reading. -L
I don't know that I'd recommend moving in together without either deciding to put away your romantic feelings for him or discussing those feelings with him first. What happens if, for example, he starts dating someone while you live together? What if he decides he wants to move out before the lease is up? Also, it sounds like he's already a big positive influence in your life, as a big supporter in staying sober (and congratulations on that! ). If you did want to start a relationship with him, I would make sure that your support network to keep you sober can withstand losing him - if it isn't, that seems like a risky position to put yourself in. It's hard to say, of course, because I don't know the guy. It could turn out to be a great idea, you two could hit it off after moving in, and things would be storybook. But without more info (and some input from him), I don't know if I would bank on it or not. I'm not saying he's a bad guy or you absolutely need him to be okay, I'm just thinking it might be a better idea not to set yourself up for something hurtful to happen at this point? And also, since it's your first post, welcome to the site! Hope you like it here.
Thanks, it seems like a nice place. Your advice sounds spot on too...my last hope was that random strangers on the Internet would tell me it wasn't a problem even when I know better. So basiclly I've had my sanity check and now I just have to do the right thing.
