How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendly?

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I don't know about rules of thumb that apply to everyone, but in this guy's case - tough call. I have a similar situation with a guy who works at a food place near me. Always happy to chat, obviously remembers who I am and things about me. He wrote smiley faces all over my bag of food once. Everyone I knew was convinced he liked me, but who's to say? Like you say, it's incredibly hard to flirt with people in service jobs - they're supposed to be nice to you, and if they hit on you first they run the risk of getting in serious trouble; if you hit on them first, you run the risk of looking like an idiot for not realizing they were just being a good employee.

You might try hanging around the Starbucks a little more. See if you can gauge him a bit better - was this just a good day for him? Or will he always react this way? The best thing to do might be to see if he wants to hang out sometime - that takes it out of the work environment for one, so you can be sure he isn't just being nice. Mention things you like to do around there and see if he sounds interested. Don't wait too long though or he'll probably decide you're not into him. :lol:

I'd say in any case that you're going to have to make the first move, if there is one (because of the "employees can't hit on customers" thing).

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

Flirting is tough territory for us over-analyzers, without a doubt. The best advice I ever got on flirting is that if you aren't sure whether someone is being friendly or flirting, and you are interested in them, be just as friendly/flirtatious as they are, then kick it up a notch. Throw in a compliment or two, get a bit closer, touch them a bit more friendlily if they've touched you already (that's really a boarder you don't want to be the first to cross, especially in a service situation where they have to be nice to you), and see how they react. If they back away, seem a bit nervous, or just not interested, dial it back yourself. If they respond in kind, keep going and see how far you can take it, potentially working your way up to asking for their number.

That's a tempting train of thought to fall into, mostly because it takes the impetus off of us to do anything in this situation. But if you don't respond to their flirting somehow, they have no way of knowing how you feel about them. It takes two to successfully flirt.

Stellar advice! :eusa_clap

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I think in most situations trust your gut instinct. If u are getting a family vibe from him he will stare directly into your eyes for more than a few seconds and his pupils will dialate. Most people unless they are intrigued by someone will look above the eye's or down towards the nose. This glance is a sure tell sign, drop some hints that are not obiouse but leaves a person on the fence, where did u get that shirt, hat, it looks good, say if u have time we should grab a coffee. Ask him personal questions.

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

You don't know the true meaning of flirting incompetence until you've met me lol. And I know what you mean about those darn baristas - are they chatty because they know what excellent customer service is, or is there more to it?

If I can attempt a suggestion: without prying too much, next time he's in chatty mode try to ask him a question along the lines of you've been thinking of going to whatever new local event/place/club/restaurant and has he ever gone, or would he know a cool place to do whatever activity you think he might be into - or even as innocent as talking about the weather, wow looks like a nice weekend coming up doing anything fun? Because you're initiating the topic it's probably less awkward (or not in violation of their policies) for them to reveal a bit more info that might morph into an invitation... Or as a last ditch effort, use the "missed connections" on craigslist (I admit reading those is one of my guilty pleasures)

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

wouldn't the 1st gauge be to just slightly flirt back?
just up the bar a tad, test the waters.
don't make it too obvious at first.
see how far both of you go at upping the bar.
but then again, my friends, girls that is, they tend to do it just for fun.
it really is confusing.
heck, before i knew them good i saw them posting they were gay or bi and another girl would say wifey to them etc. and only later i find out it was a joke.
haha.
so it happened with me, i went out on a limb and started flirting with a girl on fb i know.
she did it back.
it got to a point, but had to end cuz of needing to go somewhere.
but i still don't know if she is a bit bicurious or something, things her brother said to me once about having his approval if i wanted to date her. (gosh he's good at reading people)
maybe you should just friend my friend's brother and have him tag along everywhere...ask him if the guy is gay and flirting or not!

---------- Post added 14th Jul 2012 at 12:55 AM ----------

only problem is if they are deaf or hoh, they must look intently in the face. i always get strong eye contact from people and can't use it. :/

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I'd have to agree with everyone else. You won't really know for sure until you test the waters a bit more and flirt back a little.

Go back to the Starbucks more often and maybe have your drink there, pretend that you forgot something in your order and go up and ask him for it, and if you're ballsy enough I think you should wink at him next time you leave

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I have to agree with everyone else on this, you should start going back to that Starbucks more! I like the idea of asking about the weather or asking if he has anything planned for the weekend, try to figure out his likes and dislikes and say you were planning to go to this event or something, ask him if he plans on going. Then maybe see about meeting up and telling him you'll see him there.

But it does sound like he may be interested!

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

Everyone's covered everything, but I just wanted to throw in that it might just be my perception... but I've always found Starbucks employees (baristas?) particularly friendly and chatty, with most people too. Maybe it's just a part of their job (well, obviously, but you know what I mean).

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I'm going to say he was being friendly and I know from experience.

I work at an amusement park, friendliness is 50-50 for me. I see attractive guys but that doesn't mean I'm nice to them. I hate to break it to ya but, yeah he was most likely just being friendly.

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I like how you ramble on about things. I often do it too

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

If you wait for the things you want to come to you, you're going to be waiting for a long time. It's a fact of life that if you want something, you have to go after it in some way. So yes, you should initiate things.

Maybe those people think that they've done the initiating by showing interest, and that it's up to you to respond to it if you are also interested. Maybe they think they've already made their position on the issue known, and now they're waiting for you state yours by showing even more interest. So go for it.

Argh, etiquette! It's a good concept overall, but to the over-analyzer, it's our Great Wall of China. It's easy to convince yourself that you shouldn't do something because it wouldn't be in keeping with social decorum, when really, you don't want to do it because it forces you to step outside of your comfort zone. That's especially true when you've convinced yourself that there's some kind of "unspoken" rule; then you don't even need to see the "rule" in action to be convinced that it's there.

But it's understandable to confuse the two. You know that stepping outside of your comfort zone will make you feel awkward, so you might be afraid that the person you're talking to will also feel awkward, and one of the larger goals of etiquette is avoiding awkward situations. In fact, I've noticed that awkwardness seems to be nothing more than the feeling of now knowing what to do in a social situation, and etiquette provides us with rules of what to do.

Well, for most rules, there's a time and a place to follow them, and there's a time and a place to break them. And in cases like those you've described, it's a time to break those rules.

I recently read this article that was written by a guy who has lived all over the world, and one of the things he said that surprised me was this:

So sure, we aren't used to such open communication in America and in some other cultures. But if people overseas can show interest in someone they've just met that openly, then you don't need to feel awkward about asking someone out when they've already shown that they're probably interested in you.

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

I'm the last person that should give advice on this sort of thing, since I'm also bad at picking up on those hints. But the winking thing made me LOL! It's now my new avatar, so thanks for that

 

Re: How do you differentiate between someone flirting with you and just being friendl

You were (are?) totally clueless!:lol:

I think they didn't know if you were gay or not and they didn't want you to react badly, so they waited to see if you were interested. Those poor people.:tears: