First of all, hi , its my first time to post here. Im fact I didn't know this site....or several of the others listed existed untill yesterday. I may or may not be an atypical member here. I am a ( more or less) happily married 38 year old gun toting Republican ( well, depending on the topic lol) living in a very small closed minded TX town. Wait! don't stop reading just yet , its not by any means a hate post. Because.... I think, no Im pretty sure Im bisexual. Throughout my life there has been so much gay bashing around me. The next door neighbors of my uncle were always talked about in hushed tones, kids at school were ostracized at the slightest hint that they might be. It all brings me to tears so when I took a dare and kissed a girl in the closet , that I secretly crushed on, at 13 and completely melted, I told myself it was practice for my first kiss. Then other little similiar instances have happened and always brushed off. My oldest turned 13 recently and its brought some of those mental skeletons out and caused me to start examining myself. So, here is the first thing Im trying to figure out. I've never been against any sort of relationships wether they be straight, gay, lesbian, ect. So why am I extremely uncomfortable and have no idea how to act when I am around these people, ( which admittedly to my knowledge isn't often around here) especially lesbian couples?
Welcome to EC! I can't really offer much advice. I can, however, relate - I also get very shy when I'm around other lesbians, and suddenly I can barely string two words together. It's like my IQ instantly goes chameleon on me or something... maybe you feel so uncomfortable because you are worried that they might recognize something about you that you haven't been ready to recognize yet? or maybe there's something else... maybe there's a part of you that wants to ask them questions, because you have your own stuff to work through and figure out, and that internal push to ask those questions makes you feel more awkward? My only suggestion is to just do your best to be yourself. Again, welcome to EC!! It's a safe, comfortable environment for learning and for supporting one another.
Gay bashing most of the time comes from closeted jerks who cant admit their orientation to themselves. Intolerance is also paired with education and unfortunetely with religion. You know when you see a gay couple just act as if they were a "normal" staright couple... I know you are probably not used to seeing it but im sure if you went to NYC, SF or Berlin, Germany you would get used to it and would just act natural. so to answer your question act completely normal, gender is not the most important thing when it comes to love
It goes for any group of people, whether it's different ethnicities, cultures, subcultures, ideas, and in this case, sexual orientations: The more you're exposed to these people/ideas, the more comfortable you are with them. It doesn't matter if you might even share that same-sex attraction; being around people that you've been brought up to think of as different is going to cause some cognitive dissonance. It might even be a bit of internalized homophobia. I can relate a little because I grew up in a West Texas city in a Southern Baptist church, as well as a Christian school (for elementary at least). Homosexuality was not bashed so much as hushed and even feared, and these people truly believe that acceptance of homosexuality marks the fall of a civilization. I was truly terrified at the thought of even questioning my orientation, but the deal is, the more time you give yourself to acclimate, the more comfortable you'll be with yourself and other same-sex attracted people.
Thanks for the warm welcome Im sure I do have questions I want to ask but I'm not totally sure I know what they are yet. :eusa_doh: Thankfully my husband was very supportive about it (*hug*) and says ( though I worry about a different reaction if it does ever happen) he's fine with me dating women. Im not really in a huge hurry on that I just want to figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin. As fas as the way I act. I don't mean to act any differently than normal but suddenly my tongue trips over my teeth , or my hands won't work and I drop things ...yup stupid things that make me look like a total idiot lol. :tears:
Dealing with curiosity, especially when you've believed yourself to be straight for the entirety of your life previously, can be really intimidating. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the idea myself, and I've been out for about a year now. The best advice I can offer is don't think about it too much. If you over-think it, then you stress yourself out, and the littlest, most inconsequential mistakes become these huge travesties in your mind. Don't sweat it, because being gay or straight or bi or whatever doesn't change who -you- are. Your sexuality is one very small piece in a very big picture. And finally, be honest about it. If you're hanging out with girls that make you nervous, then tell them you're nervous, and why. It'll help get rid of your nervousness, and they'll know what's up, which is usually a good thing. We've all been there, done that. It's no big deal. : )
