So my family has a high tendency for addiction. Most of my father's side of the family are alcoholics. My mother's half doesn't have as many alcoholics, but there are plenty of them. My sister is a heroin addict. My father smokes marijuana, which I normally wouldn't worry about, but given the family history, it worries me that my brother (16) has started smoking it as well. Pot was the gateway drug for my sister, as it is for many people. She almost died a few years ago, but she's gone to rehab (a few times) and is currently sober. My brother, an idiot at his best, does not believe that this will be a gateway for him to harder drugs. As one of the two responsible adults in the family (just me and my mother. No one else can do anything at all...), I feel it may be my obligation to do something about it. He won't listen to my opinion, but he has recently been less mean to me and respecting me more. So I'm wondering if perhaps I should just keep quiet about it or if I should go ahead and tell my mother (or my father and maybe convince him that his recreational habits are not worth his youngest son thinking this sort of behaviour is okay and then get into trouble). I'm just concerned about him. He's not been doing well in school and I would hate to be the only child to make it to college. TL;DR My brother has been smoking pot and I'm not entirely sure that just standing by is the best course.
People have gotten the idea (promoted by the marijuana lobby and the many states that have made "medical marijuana" legal) that marijuana is harmless and nonaddictive. And for a lot of people, it can be. Unfortunately, the many drug rehab centers and people like Dr. Drew, who has been working with addicts for 25+ years, will tell you this isn't the case. There's little argument that there is a genetic predisposition toward addiction, and there's no argument that behavioral factors learned in the family (particularly coping strategies and the like) can have a dramatic impact in the development of addictive patterns. Additionally, the fact that he is not doing well in school is a pretty good predictor of additional drug problems. I would tell your mom. And maybe you and your mom can talk to your dad. I do think it's worth saying here that his pot smoking, particularly combined with his poor school performance, is likely associated with shame issues. It's hard for anyone to talk about and address those issues, particularly a mid-teen, but if you have a good rapport with him and have a chance to have a deep conversation and are able to get him to talk about where he feels inadequate or unworthy or not good enough, just talking about shame and feeling empathy from another can have a remarkable effect in reducing the shame and, often, in reducing the numbing behavior (in this case, the marijuana.)
Chip, as always, you have good advice and clearly considered answers. I'll talk to my brother before I talk to my mother. If I were to talk to her, I don't think she would be able to talk to my dad as they are divorced and he thinks that anything my mother says out of concern is an attack on his parenting ability. He doesn't know that I know he smokes so I'm worried that this will lead to some problems as well. He gets very angry sometimes and, honestly, I am afraid of him when he is angry. He has a physically abusive past with my sister and an emotionally abusive one with me. When I talk to my brother, who is defensive and never takes things seriously (unless he decides to take something too seriously, the combination of which usually results in me getting hurt), how should I bring this up without really making him blow up?
