Normally I don't post on forums when I need advice.. But there's no one in the real world who can understand how I'm feeling and I hope someone here will.. So I'm transgender or that's the easiest word to put.. But I feel like im going no where I'm 21 and my councilor says its great that iv come to terms with this so early and at first I though things were going to change.. I thought maybe I could deal with my feelings and talk to others and be myself but.. It just never seems like there is time to be open.. And sometimes I feel like I avoid it.. Sorry if I'm not making much sense iv just been by myself with thistle feelings for about half a year now and I don't know how to say what I want.. My girlfriend knows and I want to be more open with her.. She reacted really bad when I told her and overtime she's gotten over it and even bought me a really expensive dress which was nice.. I just feel like she's going to hurt me again.. I'm really stressing out right now.. Also I want to be more public because I'm tired of having to act a certain way when I'm in public.. But there are too many judgemental people and I may be being paranoid but when people are hostile with me I get scared because I feel like they are going to physically hurt me.. I know they arnt but it makes it really hard to be public.. Also rude comments are daggers in my heart.. I don't want to step out of line but iv heard to many really sad stories about people coming out after they are 40 or so and I don't want that to happen to me.. I feel like crying.. I just want everyone to be nice and accepting.. I didn't do anything to them why do they have to hate me.. There's more things like things being awkward with my only friend and so I can't bring it up with him.. Plus he just thinks of it as some sort of mental defect.. My mom is dumb and mean to me about all sorts of things.. I just feel like driving to the beach and just walking into the ocean.. Sorry if I'm gibberish or offended anyone.. I just want to hear other people who understand or something
My suggestion where your girlfriend is concerned is to talk to her about how you're feeling. You've come out to her, and that's the biggest step. She hasn't left you, that's huge. If you're feeling afraid or uncertain or whatever where your relationship is concerned, you need to tell her. If you keep those kinds of feelings to yourself it's ultimately going to hurt your relationship. I don't know what to tell you about the rest. :-/ It's scary to come out, it took me forever to do it, even to myself much less anyone else. And I'm not transgender, I can only imagine that makes things infinitely harder. Just keep being positive, things will get better.
Also, I would add that if your girlfriend bought you a dress - that's even huger. I'm certain that it was very rough coming out to her, and while it may hurt that the initial reaction was bad, it sounds like she' come a long way in accepting you. I always think of coming out as the start of a process - not the point where you get someone's absolute, forever opinion. Some people I've come out to also shifted their stances a little afterwards (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse). Similar to what NoAngel said (hopefully I took that right), if your girlfriend can help you with your feelings, then talk to her. She's shown herself to be sympathetic so far - maybe she'll want to hear about it. Also, I'm sorry to hear about your mom and your friend, but who else can you consider to be part of your support network? Are you still seeing your therapist? And if people on EC turn out to be part of that support, then so be it - don't worry about posting on a forum for help. If nothing else, you're in good company here. (*hug*)
