Starting to freak out a little as my feelings intensify.

I posted a few days ago about being in a period of discovery regarding my sexuality as an adult.

I'm happy that I am not having feelings of hatred for myself as I've read some people do, and that for the most part I'm taking it one day at a time and allowing myself to feel whatever i feel without trying to smother it.

I'm just starting to notice that the more permission I give myself to feel whatever comes naturally, the more I'm realizing an attraction to women that I just never had before, and it's really throwing me off how quickly its happening.

(For example, I went out last night with a friend and spent most of the evening making eyes at a woman across the bar without even being shy about it.)

This questioning all started when I met and fell face first for a girl a couple of months ago, and the second I started to wonder, I told my closest friends (4 straight women, a straight man, and a gay man, all of whom i've known for 10-15 years) who, with one or two inconsequential hiccups, have all been ridiculously supportive of what I'm going through.

I think, however, that I have also been a little bit too optimistic about it all, and that in the recesses of my mind, I may have just been secretly assuming it would calm down and taper off.
(Because I'm 29 years old and I've been attracted to men my entire life, so this is all super, super new to me)
I'm also starting to wonder if maybe that's how my friends are feeling too.
And since my feelings are basically doing the opposite of tapering off, I'm worried about telling them about the new developments that I'm starting to come to terms with.

Those new developments being that I'm almost completely certain I'm bisexual, and that I'm starting to accept that I could possibly be a lesbian.
I'm also trying not to label everything so neatly, as I'm still just feeling it all out and I have never liked putting myself in a box regarding any aspect of my life.

I know it will go over fine with most of them,
(One has already jokingly told me that I'm not her type - she prefers her women 'small and manic, and so pretty it hurts to look at them'. haha. And my straight male friend has been so, so, so supportive and insightful, even moreso than my gay male friend was at first, and we've been able to have great talks about women together to the point that i think we're the closest we've been in 15 years of friendship.)

But I'm starting to really worry how it will go over with everyone else now that I can actually see a future where I will probably have to eventually give my friends some kind of explanation if I fly home next Christmas with a woman on my arm


To top it all off, I'm having my crush and her roommate over for our weekly dinner tomorrow night (GREAT idea to keep that going, right? ha), and I am almost at the point where I can't be in the same room as her without clamming up and freaking out like a little girl at a hanson concert circa 1997.

She asked me today if i 'met any dudes' while I was out last night and all i could think about was how much i wanted to whack her in the head for being too dense to realize i don't want to meet dudes, because i've met her, and she's who i want.
But, of course, how is she supposed to know that if i don't tell her. :icon_wink

So, that'll be fun.

I'm not even sure if I'm asking for advice here. I think I mostly just needed to take the words out of my brain and put them somewhere else.

This site has been a huge help to me in the few days i've been around.
I can kind of breathe again just being able to get this stuff out of my head.