My dad has always been the poster boy for straight men which leads to him liking to talk about girls especially with me since I'm suppose to like them as much as he does. Of course that doesn't work out very well considering I'm gay, usually I'll just smile and nod whenever he mentions girls but the last few weeks he's been talking about them nonstop. I guess before I was too young to actually talk about girls (though that never stopped him) and until about two months ago I had a girlfriend so he kind of stopped the "girl talk" but then me and my girlfriend broke up and I guess two months after he expects me Code: to be chasing after girls and gawking over them. Like I'm not even kidding you can't imagine the lengths he goes to to talk about girls. He talks about how I'm suppose to like their butts and their chests, and constantly asks me if I like anyone. And while a year ago I would have made up a lie or agreed to liking girls I'm not anymore and I don't want to, because I know in the long shot it will end up hurting me when I have a breakdown of "am I really gay" but I don't know how to make him stop, I don't know if hes doing this because he suspects that I'm gay but it just makes things awkward between us and it makes me hesitant bout talking to him, which I don't want because me and my dad are really close. So can someone please give me some advice on how to get him to stop talking about girls?
I think many of us go through similar situations before coming out. In my case, it was my mom who would constantly ask me whether I had a girlfriend or if I liked someone. I hated it since it made me feel so uncomfortable. Many other people also frequently asked me if I had a girlfriend. I am a straight A student at school, so most of the time I got away with saying I had no time nor interest in girls since I was focusing on my studies. Maybe you could say something similar to your dad?
Same here - lots of relatives were asking me if I liked any girls, or when I was going to have a girlfriend, and so on. Funny thing is, one of them (my dad) turned out to be a little weirded out by my being gay, but the others (an aunt and uncle) turned out to be totally accepting, and had just been fishing for information since they already thought I was gay - I highly doubt they ever suspected that this "fishing" came off a little different in my perspective. If your dad stepped up the "girl talk" after your break-up, then it's possible he suspects something. Or he just expects men to be that way - does he ever do this with other males? What about family members vs. non-family members? What kind of resistance have you offered/do you offer when he brings it up? Slight (rolling your eyes, ignore him), or heavy (telling him to stop, leaving the room)? If you're close with your dad, have you tried saying something to him about it, or asked him not to do it anymore?
I can't really resist against it my dad is really strict about disrespecting him and my mom and just plain out strict in general so I can't do much but smile and nod. And I can't really tell him to stop because well it would be obvious as to why I want him to stop and I don't think he is ready to know Im gay... Or I'm not ready I'm still figuring out which one it is. I mean today we were watching a movie with a bunch of half naked girls and he expected me to be like in love with every girl that appeared but that wasn't the worst part, the part that really hit me was that there was this actor that he really likes and he was playing a gay role and he told me multiple times that he was disappointed that he took that role. He might as well have slapped me across the face, if he's disappointed an actor took a gay role I can't imagine how he's going to feel if he finds out his son is gay. I just don't know what to do. That's one of the backfires of figuring out you are gay at a young age... The fact that you have to hide it for longer considering the circumstances :/
It's not about him, it's about you. He doesn't have a clue how sad he makes you feel. He should feel bad and regret all the things he said to you. If I were you I wouldn't care how he would feel. He's supposed to accept you for who you are, and if my father won't accept me, I wouldn't regret a thing. Maybe you're not ready yet, but I think he'll change for the better if he realizes what he's done to you by doing all that, hopefully...
Night Rain is entirely right from a emotional aspect, and I'm far from one to advocate hiding yourself from others. However, as a minor(which i'm assuming you are o.o?) if you are worrying about how your parents will take you being gay, then I would advise really thinking it over first. Because although we all know how frustrating it is when you get to the age when people expect you to go "girl crazy", it can be more painful to live in a house with people who are upset and critical with you. I would recommend against acting like you like girls or getting another girlfriend because it will only confuse everyone more. Maybe if he says "Do you have a girlfriend yet?" and You: "Nope". Him: "Well why not?". You:"Well I just dont really want one right now.". Dont ignore him, smile and not, or brush him off. Just act like your not interested. This way he'll slowly start to consider that fact that you may be gay, so when the times comes that you decide to come out it would be such a BIG thing. Just dont give a attitude or be rude. If he brings up girls just act like "meh" as in they dont interest or phaze you :/.
I always said that basketball was taking up my time. If you have a sport or a hobby you're good at or you are a good student, those are always good ways to relieve the pressure. Sometimes it helps just to find something in common with your parents. My dad likes to fish, so I'd go fishing with him (I'd mostly just do photography, but I will admit that I get some satisfaction from sitting with my legs in the water waiting for one of those beautiful creatures to get my line). Of course, then all my dad talks about is fishing, but it's a whole lot better than getting asked about having a girlfriend (and it makes and easy topic change).
