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Going to Pride really unnerved me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Catkin, Jul 15, 2012.

  1. Catkin

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    I went to the parade yesterday, just to take a peek and see what it was all about. The parade itself and the shows afterwards were entertaining; if a bit wild and crazy. There was a guy shouting homophobic stuff but I wasn't too woried because he would have been crazy to start anything there. I felt a bit out of place though;most people my age were with their friends, and there was me wandering around on my own looking lost. I was also really surprised by just how stereotypical the majority of the people there were. I'm not overly girly myself, and this probably sounds really bad, but I still found all the girls with multiple piercings and shorn off hair etc. a bit intimidating.

    If that had been all, then I think I would have went away with mixed but fairly positive feelings. On the train home a man sat next to me, who (after describing his fairly murderous feelings (and plans!!) towards various minorities) said that there was something weak and f:***:ed up about me, that I was a lesbian, basically that that was unnatural and wrong and that I had to uh, accept that I needed to be in a relationship with a man in charge.

    Sorry for subjecting you guys to my ranting, but I needed to get this out there somewhere.
    It really freaked me out. The guy was definitely capable of hurting someone, and if I had been in that train alone with him then I would have been in real danger. Going to that parade was the most out there thing I've done, (still not admitting anything to anyone- including myself though and am in a foreign country so there was no chance I'd be recognised), and it was very unsettling to have all that stuff thrown at me for the first time right afterwards. My level of comfortable-ness with all this fragile to start with. It made me feel a bit pathetic, I just looked at the floor and didn't say anything while he spat all this hate at me (couldn't really have done anything else though). It made me wonder if I actully do want to figure out my sexuality. Blissful ignorance and completely ignoring the whole dating thing have been working ok for me, and that was really scary. It was also unnerving that he picked on me; we were well away from where pride was going on and I was dressed fairly girly. Seriously, do I have a sign on my head?
     
  2. lilbitlost

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    Im sorry you didnt enjoy pride especially due to one nutcase. I suspect he is a homophobe who just wanted to lash out. Though i totally understand why youd feel unnerved and unsettled by it, i would've too!

    Though i do wonder about you saying about 'blissful ignorance' i mean having already started questioning you cant really be ignorant any more :wink:

    In case you feel nervy about social interactions in the future though, maybe you could get something like a panic alarm? I know women used to use mace sprays too, but im not sure if thats allowed anymore. When i was a teenager i used to use chopsticks to keep my bun in place, if i felt nervous id whip them out me hair and hide them up my sleeves, nothing ever happened but they acted like a comforter to me.
     
  3. WeirdnessMagnet

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    And now I'm sorta unnerved... I've no idea if it's the same parade I was to yesterday, but when I returned home (also by train) I met a girl that was obviously returning from there too (note to self: I should've taken a mirror and something spongy to take off that damn paint and fake lipstick from my cheeks too.) I asked her if she got to train station safely (there were several somewhat related protests and counter-protests going on simultaneously with Pride and I've run into a police roadblock on my way.) We exchanged a few words, but she was obviously uncomfortable and I decided that it would be better to just sit in a different car from her...

    If that, by any wild chance, was you I'm really sorry. We all should stand up for each other, and not let people like that idiot pick on us one-by one.
     
    #3 WeirdnessMagnet, Jul 15, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2012
  4. Catkin

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    lilbitlost: I have a hilarious vision of myself wielding chopsticks against a six foot plus guy. I'm literally childsized so I can't see that going down too well.
    Ignorance is probably the wrong word. Cluelessly confused fits though!
    Weirdnessmagnet: It might have been the same parade (the protests sound familiar), but I don't think I was the girl you met.
    I think that was part of the reason the whole thing bothered me so much. There was a gay couple in the car too. (Funnily enough they escaped the guy's notice because of just how butch one of the girls was - he thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend). Another man told me afterwards that the guy was obviously crazy, but even though it was the only empty seat, he hadn't sat next to me until the scary-guy left. I can see why no one would want to get in the middle of that, because they could get targeted too, but I sort of wonder what it would have taken for someone to say anything, or if anyone would have at all.
     
  5. WeirdnessMagnet

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    Probably not, - my train was more than half-empty, and I'd notice an obvious couple you describe. It's still a shame no one did anything for you, except some encouragement after the fact, although, frankly, short of "rant at me, please, leave her alone" I have no idea what could have been done without involving the law...

    So, any advices from anyone on situations like that?

    ADD: And just consider this: behaviour aside, there was AT LEAST three LGBTQ people in that train (incl. you,) and a decent guy who tried to do something to help you, and JUST ONE anti-everything nutcase. We, the decent people, are the majority and people like him are the exception.
     
    #5 WeirdnessMagnet, Jul 15, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2012
  6. Gleeko0

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    I'm not 100% sure, but I guess in many countries this would be considered a threat and potential terrorism act, since his objective was to hurt you saying all that crap and stuff, you surely felt threatened. Also, in many countries doing what he did could be considered "hate crime", right? And by wht you said, he was blatantly discussing plans againts minorities, discrimination and racism there too.

    I'd really feel endangered if alone with one of these freaks, but since you weren't alone you could have said straight up that you would call the police, denounce him or something? You are not obliged to hear that kind of stuff, nobody is, it not only breaks many laws in many countries but totally goes againts the human right, but I guess these disgusting beings (seriously, calling them animals would be an insult TO wild life) don't care about all that.
     
  7. WeirdnessMagnet

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    2 Gleeko0: on the one hand yes, on the other... I can understand why she hadn't done that, and neither would I: if you're an immigrant, you really don't want to be involved with the police, even if you're in the right, just in case. It's still not your country, and that, well, complicates the things.
     
  8. IrisM

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    I am sorry you ran into someone like that. I am glad you are ok, and I'd like to remind you that people like that are the real problem. If people like him could spend that energy they expend on hate instead on self improvement the world would be a better place.
     
  9. Hot Pink

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    That guy on the train sounds pretty scary. I'm glad you got away unhurt. My mother shares his opinions, but not the violent part. She doesn't like gay people. She's okay with me being trans, but not gay. She thinks that if I'm transitioning to be a woman that means I have to accept everything about being a "normal" woman. Finding a man to fall in love with, getting married, adopting children, taking care of children, etc. She's even told me that she refuses to see me as a woman until I stop being gay.

    As for Pride, I've never gone before. Honestly, it seems pretty intimidating. I'm not sure how well I could deal with all the crowds. Not to mention that there are haters that also go and get all crazy toward gay people. Hell, there are people who assumes anyone who goes to Pride is gay, so they subject everyone to their crazy indiscriminately. I didn't go to the Minneapolis one, but I do plan to go to the one in the city where I go to school in September. We'll see how that goes.