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Too fast..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by idkmark92, Jul 15, 2012.

  1. idkmark92

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I've come out to two people in the last week and I'm just feeling awkward and embarrassed... I don't think I was ready for either. One was my friend the other day. I got tired of her calling me asexual and telling me that I'll never get married. So I just told her and that was that. She's been really supportive of me, but I still feel uncomfortable. Yesterday my twin brother saw a text message with a heart sent to my boyfriend. I couldn't come up with an excuse fast enough, so I just told him everything. He told me he was shocked and he's been acting REALLY awkward around me since it happened. He also kept reminding me how hard it would be to come out to my parents, especially my dad. Why is this happening when I'm not ready? :frowning2:
     
  2. BudderMC

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    Well, first off, congrats on coming out! You might not think it right now, but that's an awesome step, and you do need to take a moment and soak up that fact.

    That said, I don't think I was ready when I came out to my first person either. Like you, I just got fed up one day; you because of your friend, me because of being closeted. I ran upstairs while he was gone, left him a note, went to class... didn't end up seeing him for the next 2 days, so I was freaking out. Finally talked to him and he was totally fine with it. He's been really supportive and he's not really the type of person to talk about serious stuff/personal problems either, so I know that he genuinely cares on some level.

    Point is, for the next couple of months, I was freaking out. I didn't know what to do with myself afterwards. He took it in stride and everything was the same as usual on his end, but I was worrying about what I was saying to him even though I KNEW he was fine with it. Uncomfortable would be an understatement. In retrospect, I definitely pushed myself way beyond when I was ready to come out. But, on the other hand... I think that if I didn't take the leap and tell him then, I wouldn't be "out" right now.

    You (and I) are probably feeling uncomfortable because being closeted, we had total control over who did and didn't know our secret. In situations like that, even though it's great that you came out, you lost control for a brief moment and that's what's unnerving. I think most people here can vouch for planning out the details of their coming-outs. So, now maybe you're looking back and thinking how it would go differently if you told her on your terms, or when you were more ready.

    I think the only advice I have for that is well... just keep reminding yourself that she's supportive. She's cool with it. It went really well. There's NOTHING to be worried about! I had to make a mental note of that for quite a while with my friend. Eventually you'll internalize that idea and things will settle back down. It might also help to talk to her and let her know that you're feeling uncomfortable. If I have any guess, I'm sure she'll probably be worried it's something she's doing and then make an effort to make you feel comfortable. If she's supportive, I'm sure she'll understand. And sometimes, it just helps to have the person know what you're going through, right?

    As for your brother, well... think of it this way. You've had a lot of your life to figure out and accept that you're gay. Your brother on the other hand, who's known you pretty much your whole life (and thinks he knows everything about you) just had a major shift in what he thought you were. It's only been a day, it's gonna take some time for him to come to terms with that. Again, if you're concerned, I think the best idea is to just talk to him about what you're feeling. If he's being awkward too it's probably partly because he's not sure what to do now. Talking it out might help reassure both of you that it's no big deal.
     
  3. awesomeyodais

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    One extra twist for him is that he's your TWIN brother. Maybe he's confused because he never felt that way but now thinks he's gay as well because of genetics, or he actually is gay and now you know his dark secret, and he's even less ready to admit it... just a thought...