Okay so I've been dating this guy for three weeks now. I've only been over to his house once, and that was before we were dating. Whenever we hang out, he usually comes over to my place. Cuz I have my own place. But he's a year older than me (he's 20) and he still lives with his parents. Now that's not that bad, a lot of people our age still live at home. But I'm going over to his house today. And when he called his mom a few mins ago, she told him that we have to keep his bedroom door open... Now I'm just like...I'm not even sure if I wanna go over now. That's just embarrassing for her to say something like that. And he's 20...I don't care if he still lives in your house, he's an adult. Isn't making him keep the door open a bit childish? That sounds like something you'd make a fourteen year old do, not an adult. I can understand where she's coming from, but its still kinda irritating to me for some reason. My dad never treated me like that. He was overprotective until I turned 18. Then he was like, you're an adult, I can't tell you what to do... So what should I think of all this? What do you guys think?
You should have slammed the door shut and started jumping up and down on the bed. You know, just to see the look on her face when she comes charging in. All jokes aside, that does sound very uncomfortable. But you can't really blame him for how his mother acts. I just wouldn't hang out with him at his parents' house anymore...
Yeah I don't really blame him. He said that she's prolly acting like that cuz we're dating and she doesn't want grandkids yet. I can understand her side. If I was a parent,, I would prolly be a bit protective too. But still, its kind of irritating cuz he's an adult. Even tho he still lives with his parents, they really shouldn't say stuff like that cuz he's not their little boy anymore. I'm also a little worried. I don't want her to be doing that stuff cuz she hates me or something. I don't want his family to hate me. Tho he told me his mom likes me... And that would be funny, but I'm not gonna do anything like that. I'm not gonna purposely give her reason to dislike me lol
She's being a parent, and in the eyes of every good parent your children are forever twelve. :icon_wink Yes, she was out of line. I think had it been someone else and their kid, she'd see it too, but this is her kid so she doesn't see it. She wants him to make good choices and to be responsible, but part of his ability to do that is letting him grow up. You're right to see this as a red flag, though. You might want to talk about this and his mother with him in a very tactful manner. It's important for him to develop the ability to confront her, and assert the fact that he is an adult now. That means he's going to make his own decisions. You should keep an eye on things in this area, to watch and see if his mother is going to try and insert herself into your relationship with him in other ways. If he can't learn to stand up to her and draw a line in the sand, then it might cause problems for both of you down the road.
God, I hope she doesn't cause us any problems. I like his mom, she's nice. But yeah, she is kind of out of line here. It might be partly because he's stayed the night over at my house before, and obviously she couldn't control us when he was there. So maybe she was just like "oooh well ill definitely take control of THIS situation." When I went over. I don't know though. I just hope she doesn't try anything else. He said that they talked about me and she likes me and says I seem like a good kid. Ill definitely keep an eye on this though. Because I don't plan on letting anyone, even his mom, get into our business
Don't blame yourself or take responsibility. This has nothing to do with you. He's transitioning from being a teenager to being an adult, and a lot of parents go through a difficult letting go phase like this. From a parents perspective, it's scary - you love your child, and want whats best for them. You want to protect them. You've spent years and years doing just that, and now - suddenly as they've matured and become adults - you have to learn to let go of that. It means their relationship has to change. It has to mature and become healthy for both their sakes, otherwise he'll struggle to grow up and become a full adult, and she'll struggle with control issues. If you really want to help him, then try and get him to move toward getting a job and some independence. This will raise his confidence, help him mature, and will give him a more firmer ground to stand on if he has to distance himself from his mother. It's hard to do that when he's living under the same roof. But I don't want you blaming yourself for anything there. It's their relationship, not yours. Even if a fight between them happens, and she gets angry and blames you (she might if he chooses you over her), it has nothing to do with you. He's an adult making his own decisions. You wouldn't be the source of the problem, her inability to let go and let her son grow up would be the problem. (*hug*) I just don't want you blaming yourself or anything like that. It can be self-destructive. Of course, I also don't want you believing that it's going to be hell, either. After a short adjustment phase, she might realize what she is doing and take a few steps back. It depends on how self-aware she is - it also depends on how aware he is of what she is doing, and if he pushes back. But you're right to see and notice some red flags. My advice is always to trust your gut in these matters. You noticed something was off and not right. Don't sweep it under the rug. Just keep your eyes open.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I think it's best if you do respect her and her rules. Even if they're stupid and out of line, she'll be much more willing to give you two freedom if she likes you. And she won't like you unless you give her a lot of respect.
@Aldrick - I don't really blame myself, at least not yet XD ill try not to tho. I was actually gonna talk to him about getting a job, at least a part time one. Cuz he depends on his parents a lot. And I like him a lot, but I think he needs to grow up a little bit and be more independent. But he actually brought up that subject before I could. He asked me if there were any places available where I work. I thought that was awesome! Cuz I think you're right, he should be more independent, not depend on his parents so much. That's prolly one of the reasons why his mom is so protective and stuff, cuz she hasn't been forced to let go at all yet. So hopefully he does get that job and back away from his mum a bit. Hopefully that'll help. @Kitsune - yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Its her house, her rules, her son. So ill follow her rules and show respect. Cuz she is pretty nice, and its not like she's doing this to be spiteful; she's just trying to protect him. Hopefully, the more I go over ther and the more I follow her rules and show her respect like a mature adult, shell warm up to me more and not be so...controlling
I'm pretty sure she'll do just that. You seem really nice. The kind of thing mothers adore. Just try not to resent her. You start to not care if you're on her bad side if she gets on your bad side. (That's why I'm no longer allowed to communicate with my girlfriend. Which we completely disobey, but that's beside the point :lol:.)
Wow that doesn't sound good at all. I'm sorry to hear that. Ill make sure not to on her bad side or resent if I can help it. Thank you for the advice, both of you. ^_^
We were also minors at the time, so that's part of it. Her mom had a lot more control than his actually would if push came to shove.
Yeees, it does. It was my girl's 18th birthday today yesterday. She's freeeee! Except for the fact that they're paying for her college, so she still has to keep mum. Whoops. :icon_roll
Haha wow. That kinda sucks. I know how that is. I'm not in college or living under my dads roof anymore, but he still helps me with stuff sometimes, like food and driving me around. So I'm kinda stuck too. And that's one of the reasons why I don't wanna tell him I'm bi. Cuz then, I might have one less person to depend on. DX
