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Nervous around the opposite sex?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LailaForbidden, Jul 16, 2012.

  1. LailaForbidden

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    As some of you know, i'm still not sure of my sexuality. Right now, i'm leaning toward lesbian, if that matters. One of the things that adds more confusion to the whole process is that i'm terribly nervous around guys. I have two older brothers who i'm close to and guy-friends who i'm not nervous around.. but when i first meet a guy i do get a bit shy and, because of that, i get butterflies (although i don't think they are crush related, but it kind of makes it hard to tell). Not so with women. When i was young, i used to be very quiet and shy around people of any sex, but now i feel more comfortable around women. I don't know if this means anything, but i'm thinking i may need to conquer this before i can discover what orientation i really belong to? What do you think? and why do you think this happens? It really doesnt make sense to me... i mean, in theory i know all of you men are just like me, plus tetosterone and minus estrogen, of course :grin: (by the way, i just reread my post.. that last bit was totally not meant to be offensive to ftm transgenders. i support you all the way! sorry if i sounded like an ass)
     
    #1 LailaForbidden, Jul 16, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2012
  2. IrisM

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    I totally understand what you mean. I really can't talk to guys at all. If they approach me at best it's a halfhearted smile and I'll try and get away. This is especially true with older guys, who terrify me. On the other hand, I seem to let down my guard more easily around women, and it's easy for me to talk to them and be more myself.

    I think the thing is that you probably have the same problem I have. You are used to men giving you attention you may not necessarily want. Be that from aggression or other kinds and being around women makes you feel more safe because they are more familiar to you.
     
  3. Delta

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    I know exactly what you mean. I used to get very very shy of men in general, to the point where I would avoid them. If they're present with most men, I wouldn't think they're romantic in nature at all, but rather... A fear of the unknown.

    Men are foreign to women in a lot of ways. Especially women who don't feel they need to seek out men to have romance, such as lesbians and bisexuals. If you're not forced to get to know how guys work, they remain alien, and that's frightening. Especially so, since men historically have posed much more of a threat to women than other women, and our instincts and primal fears are not yet dead. I don't think it means anything either way about your sexuality. You could get to know how men work and like them. Or you could get to know them and wash your hands of them forever.

    Either way, I think your nerves are completely normal and natural, as well as not being necessarily romantic, and that the best cure is to get used to the male half of our species at your own pace, in your own way, before necessarily deciding on your sexual identity. You have all the time in the world. Honest.
     
  4. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l do know what you mean. l actually used to think men would be able to tell l was gay.

    l now know that isn't really the case, at least not in my case (l'm femme). l've had straight males tell me they really do not pick up on it with femme women.

    There are certain personality traits l have that men and women notice are different and "masculine" if they had to be gender typed, but l've usually embraced those qualities to the extent that they come off as more androgynous since l have seemed comfortable in my own skin and identified as bisexual for a long period of time.

    l still do think some can sense it when we've become sexual or even kissed before, though. l think my one very serious boyfriend knew deep down that l was gay AND l think he knew that l knew he knew(hehe). But he also knew that l really did care about him and we were great friends in the relationship too.

    But anyway,if you haven't yet and if you have any interest it might do you some good to make male friends. If you were open with them about your sexuality it might even ease your nerves. l find in general l have some of my best conversations with men.
     
  5. DanA

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    I'm completely the opposite. So nervous around guys while in contrast I'm cool and collected with the ladies... well, I am now that I'm out of the closet and I'm pursuing men.

    When I wasn't sure about myself or in the closet, I was nervous around the ladies and charming and nice with the guys. Whomever you feel like you should be pursuing at the moment, you're going to be nervous around them. You said you're still questioning, yeah? Sounds to me like you're just weighing your options or maybe acting as how you think you should be acting if you were a certain way... a normal process towards discovering who your are. Straight, bi, gay... sexuality is hard to pin down exactly... and maybe it's not meant to be pinned down at all. For some it clicks one day, for others it's not so simple.

    Don't take these feelings as a definite. Keep talking out how you feel and be introspective on what you can. It's hard sometimes, because that harsh thing called the mind can get in the way of feelings and confuse you more.