Hey EC Community. Im going to get straight into it. I need answers regarding whats the difference between actually being gay, and not being gay. B/C i've been diagnosed with ocd by a shrink, as we ran trough my past and looked at certain issues. Some weird quirks were that i always avoided sidewalk lines, and that i could only get two strides in each sidewalk block.. weird i know... another huge factor was also obsessing about someone coming to murder me and my entire family before we were going to move to a new home.. and i had a shitload of other weird quirks that were finally diagnosed as ocd by a shrink. But to the point. I was sexually abused by a family member once as a child, when my parents were away for trip. He forced me and my brother to satisfy him orally. it is a thing i still havent processed completely and has probably fucked me up in many ways emotionally. But ive found a new obsession which is weird and distressing. Ive always had sexual encounters with women, my first kiss was in daycare with this spanish chick in the kindergarten. and ive dated women my entire life and found it enjoying and pleasurable. But i recently broke up with a chick i dated for 2 years and have been in a shithole ever since. I'll tell you how it started. I was smoking weed with buddies of mine one night. they said i needed "some air", i was to devastated to do anything b/c of the breakup. so they came to the rescue. so as we finished smoking, and i noticed i became way to self conscious. as i was sitting next to them in the car, we were squished inside the car quite a bit. and i just "felt" the guy sitting next to me. the warmth i guess. and i immediately started tripping out... i quickly grasped onto that idea, and started asking my self "if i was gay". long story short, ive been in the gutter ever since. i still have sex with women. i enjoy it. but im getting help from a shrink who specializes in obsessive compulsive disorders and at the same time specializes in gay affirming techniques. Hes told me due to his vast experiences dealing with men who were indeed gay, and others who just trip out. that im indeed straight and have nothing to worry about. But i wanted to ask the lgbt community, is their people who just become gay without any knowing(!)? is it normal for straight men to ask themselves if they are? also am i gay if i like a little anal stimulation while masturbating? Ive heard other men say its quite normal, but its something they dont bring up during dinner. LOL... so yeah thats all my questions.(!)
Lol. First, no enjoying anal stimulation does not make you gay. You seem to be looking for someone to determine whether you are gay or not, which no one can do. I dont really like the fact that your shrink told you that "you were indeed straight", because he should know that he couldnt possibly determine that. It's truly only something that you can determine for yourself. Were you saying that you enjoyed being next to the guy? Or what was it? Either way, the fact that you enjoy sex with women doesnt mean that you cant be attracted to men. You dont have to choose :/. You could be bisexual. We cant really decide for you, but if you just want some more opinions than it would help if we had alittle more information of how you think of guys. Do you find them appealing, or could you see yourself being with one? Btw I am very sorry that you had to go through that situation as a child .
hahaha. i know what you mean, i am pretty sure im straight.. Umm well last time i was high i really questioned if i had any type feelings for guys. Id say i enjoy the company of guy friends.. sort of like a bromance. its never been anything sexual tho. ill bravely say their probably is some emotional connections like any good friends you'd have. I always did a weird compare thing with guys tho, probably b/c of my own insecurities. like my own ego vs everyone elses. im probably really conceited. lol umm i can't honestly see myself with guys in that type of way(romantically,sexually). i think i have a bit of that homosexuality obsessive compulsive disorder. a form of ocd. But all these questions have really made me more even more insecure. i have absolutely no confidence almost. What are you suppose to do in life, if you can't even trust your own self?..Ive checked out gay porn, and i dont find in sexually arousing in anytype of way... ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2012 at 07:05 PM ---------- lool, i know what you mean. you cant have other people determine your own sexuality. well when it comes to men, i dont see men in that type of way(romantically,sexually). ill bravely say their probably is emotional feelings for my guy friends. but their being something sexual for them. no, thats never occurred. I did practice kissing my little brother as a kid. which kinda freaks me out, but its normal ive heard. i dont know where these feelings have arisen from. maybe all these feelings of loneliness, insecurity, doubts, self hatred, self loathing, all have arisen from what happen to me as a kid. idk. that'll ill have to figure out myself. but what trips me out is everytime i smoke weed, another whole person comes out and says im gay. but when im sober its gone. i used to smoke weed on the daily and never have these obsessions. but i still remember there was this time i got piss drunk and emotionally vulnerable, and was really insecure and my good friend, blasted me and called me a fagget, which made me pissed off. and its every since then, like his voice keeps looping inside my head. do i really just have a deep hatred for myself, and loop anything someone says hateful to me over and over again.? thats what my therapist got at last time, there are deeper issues, and he said its just simpler for the mind to attach itself to the superficial, rather than get at the heart of the issue. again. i dont see men in a sexual way. come on my gay friends.. :help:
Alright, let me see if I can help you out. First, I think your therapist was out of line to tell you that you were or weren't straight, gay, bisexual, whatever. No one can tell you that, not even the people here, that's something you have to figure out for yourself. Second, it's common for guys who have been sexually abused by another guy to wonder about their sexual orientation. However, sexual abuse cannot in any way shape or form dictate your sexual orientation. Third, it's not unheard of for someone who has suffered sexual abuse to find it difficult imaging themselves being intimate with someone. Fourth, being gay or bisexual has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with romantic feelings, the ability to fall in love with someone of the same gender. Obviously, as a result of romantic feelings things develop and sex is a natural consequence of that. Fifth, enjoying anal play isn't a sign of being gay. Straight men are equally sensitive down there and have prostates just like gay men. Many straight men enjoy anal play - as stated in number four, it's not the sex that makes you gay it's the feelings and attractions toward men. Sixth, the fact that you've had sex with women and enjoyed it physically is not an indication that you're straight. Numerous gay men have had sex with women and enjoyed it. Again, it's not the sex that makes you gay or straight, it's the feelings. Now, let me describe what it is like for me being gay. When I look at a woman, I can tell if she is beautiful, attractive, hot, and sexy. But that attractiveness is not sexually arousing to me. I could have sex with a woman if I wanted too, and probably enjoy it physically, but emotionally I just wouldn't be there. I would compare it to a one night stand or masturbation. She'd just be providing me with a nice warm hole to stick it, and that'd pretty much be it. I can befriend a woman, love her as a friend, perhaps even as much as a sister. But I couldn't Love (capital L - love) her romantically. I can care for her deeply and immensely, though. With guys it is different. I love men. I not only find them physically attractive, but I desire them sexually. I'm capable of developing crushes on men, I've never had a crush on a woman. I can Love him romantically, care about him, and sexually be intimate with him in a way that I could never be intimate with a woman. Although I had already had sex with a guy by the time I first saw gay porn; I still remember the first time I saw two guys kiss. I mean -REALLY- kiss. I had already kissed another guy like that, but seeing two other guys do it was, well... kinda gross. That was my response. I was kinda grossed out and knew that I wanted it at the same time. Pretty much as close as I've seen two men get intimate before that point was a hug and maybe - once or twice - a peck on the cheek. But generally, a quick hug with a slight pat on the back, followed by a quick release was the extent of male affection that I witnessed prior to watching two men basically make out and then have sex. The feelings of being repulsed didn't last long, and when they did exist I still was slightly aroused. I knew what I wanted, I'd just never seen it before. Does any of this mean you're gay? Does it mean you're straight? Does it mean you're bisexual? I don't know. That's only something you can decide.
It seems to me that you are straight because you are not sexually attracted to guys. You even checked gay porn and that did not do anything for you. About those emotional feelings for your guy friends, well that doesn't make you gay, it makes you a caring person
Actually, I think that a mental health professional with a background in treating OCD and also in gay-affirming therapy is well equipped to distinguish between genuine attraction and intrusive compulsive thoughts. And additionally, I'm not sure it's at all a good idea to encourage someone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness to rely exclusively on his own perceptions. According to NAMI, "OCD is often described as 'a disease of doubt.' Individuals living with OCD experience "pathological doubt" because they are unable to distinguish between what is possible, what is probable and what is unlikely to happen." Pathological doubt means that people with OCD will continue to doubt endlessly, beyond reason. Especially regarding something totally subjective, like one's own sexuality.
you guys are awesome man. i think im just an ignorant fuckhead. i never really knew anything about gay people until a friend of mine came out the closet out of nowhere. the problem with me is that i relate anything "weak" or "feminine" or even "genuine" and "emotional" to be gay related. maybe im just insecure about my own manhood?....or even what it means to be a man in the 21st century. I think education about same sex attractions would really be helpful for me. but anyhow. thanks you guys
