I've never had a boyfriend before but have been seeing someone for a while now. How do I go about making it official? What do I say? When? Where? How? Also, I'd love to hear everyone's experiences with the matter. A really big question I have is How so I know when the time is right?
Just talk to him about it. Ask him to go take a walk with you somewhere and ask him if you want to be exclusive, or go steady, or whatever word choice you like. It's a natural next step, and it's one you can't really ignore. If he's not ready for that, or he doesn't want to, you won't go there. I think the time is right when you're both happy, and you both seem really pleased to be with each other. Near the end of a good date, maybe.
Thing is, he's never hinted that he wants to date me. It's weird, usually guys make it obvious, he's not. He did ask me if I have been talking to anyone. Maybe he was gauging whether or not I had other interests? (I don't) I know I like him a lot because its gotten to the point where I'm ignoring is flaws and I'm thinking about him a lot. How do I even begin this conversation without making it awkward?
Okay, we're going to have to backup a moment because something really confusing happened. You said you've been seeing him for awhile, but then you aren't dating him yet. When you say you've been seeing him, that normally means you're dating each other. What type of relationship do you have with this guy? Is he a friend? An acquaintance? A guy you're having regular sex with? What is your relationship with him? The answer to that question is pretty much going to determine the type of advice that is best suited to your situation.
If he's asking if you're talking to anyone in the sense of romantically, then he's probably already interested in making it exclusive. There really isn't any "right" time to bring it up - I've brought it up once almost by accident (I was talking about us in couple-y ways, and he asked if that's what we were, and I said I thought so - he smiled, and that was the end of it), and once when it was kind of forced upon us (I was in town visiting family, and before I left he wanted some clarity as to what I felt for him - so I told him I wanted to be a couple, and he accepted) - different situations, of course. I'd say you could be pretty direct ("so, I want to clarify something here...") or pretty indirect (sort of the first example I gave - imply it as much as you can until he breaks the ice for you), it depends on the kind of person he is, the person you are, and how you two interact together. But again, if he's wondering whether you're involved with others, then you'll probably be able to tell if he wants you to be or not (there's a difference between "so...you're not seeing other people, right?" and "jeez, you're not seeing other people? why are you tying yourself down to me?"). If he's already started breaking that ice, then go for it - he may be hoping for exactly that.
Sorry for my poor choice of words. What I mean by that is we have been going to the movies together often, to get coffee or to eat dinner (casual). We also text each other a lot and play videogames online together while chatting. I'd say he's a friend. We have not had sex, but he has expressed his desire to have sex with me. I haven't entertained the idea much because I want to see if he actually likes me or just wants to get into my pants. Between texting or chatting online while playing games, we talk just about everyday and see each other at least once a week. ---------- Post added 17th Jul 2012 at 05:30 PM ---------- I read this response this morning, but didn't have time respond. As for his question, I didn't get a chance to answer him because we were at the mall and we got distracted literally the moment he asked the question. So I never got a chance to answer him. This is why I was just guessing at his reasons. I just don't know how to approach this. I meet guys few and far between. Each situation has been different and a learning experience. This is the first guy I feel that I have a lot in common with and genuinely like. He has a great personality and that's what attracts me the most to be honest. To go into a little more detail he asked me, and I quote "So, are you talking to anyone?" I only want to believe he intended to find out if he was the only person I had been talking to (which is 100% correct) and maybe wanted to date me.
This clarifies things greatly. Well, since he's already a friend and is clearly interested in sex, and you're not interested in giving him sex unless he's interested in a relationship... Honesty is the best policy, I'd say. I'd start out by asking him to define your relationship, ask him if he sees you both as just friends or maybe have the potential for something more than friendship. See what he says; if he says he's not interested in being anything more than friends then you pretty much have the answer you need. It might be painful and hurtful, but at least you have your answer. If he sees a potential for more in your relationship with him than just friends, then that's great - then you can talk more about what you're feeling, and perhaps go out on some dates officially or something. It's important to define your relationship together. I think that's the issue you're having, once you have an idea where you both stand, the path forward will become more clear. Right now you seem to be in some type of friend zone with the possibility of entering into a friends with benefits zone, and you seem to be striving to enter into the boyfriend zone. I think it's completely possible, especially if he is showing sexual interest. But of course, showing sexual interest is not the same as showing romantic interest. The only way you're going to know how he feels is to ask him.
Thanks for your responses. I've come to the realization that this is going to be an awkward conversation (for me at least) no matter how I approach it. I've decided to talk to him about my thoughts this Saturday night. We are going to see The Dark Knight Rises and I guess I'll talk to him about it after the movie. I think you're all right. It is better to get this out in the open as soon as possible. If I waste time, someone else might swoop in or interest might be lost. I'll report back with what happens!
