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lose virginity through meaningless sex

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by queenofhearts, Jul 16, 2012.

  1. queenofhearts

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    im gonna be 21 soon..and im almost positive im a lesbian..the thing is im also a virgin...ive always been very hesitant of sex..because of all the pressure put on it..i keep thinking im never gonna lose my virginity cuz im always gonna be waiting around for the "right" person

    but at the same time...i dont want it to wait for the right person...i want to go out and have fun and make out with pretty girls :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: and yes maybe just have some casual sex..i want to experiment and just stop worrying so damn much

    now i feel like if this were any other person no one would think anything of it..but the fact that im a virgin turns it into this big thing

    basically my question is if i were to just have casual sex...IF the opportunity came about and i wanted to do it...would it really be that bad?...i just want to have fun..and 99 percent of the time u dont end up staying with ur first anyways...ugh idk..now that i type it out it sounds really bad lol
     
  2. confusedlady

    confusedlady Guest

    Everyone is different. I personally wanted to wait to lose my virginity to someone I loved and then I regretted it cause he broke my heart and I wish I had lost it to my husband lol. You're right that people don't usually stay with their firsts, however it will always be with you forever as a memory so its up to you how you'd want to remember it...as a fling or an important relationship.
     
  3. Mlpguy88

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    It is up to you. I personally want to hold on to my virginity for a while longer because I'm not ready yet. I would say find someone that you feel comfortable with, she doesn't have to be your soul mate but she shouldn't be a complete stranger either. And remember to be safe
     
  4. Operastar

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    Lolll omg! You don't sound bad at all!

    Obviously first times you have sex can be full of wide eye expectations that most times aren't met.. ( ahem) but you know it varies from person to person. My first time (17) I was dating a guy for a year!! And only after then we ended up having sex... When I think back to that person and relationship I no joke *cringe*. But something I don't regret is what I learned from it and how it shaped my later relationships with people I enjoyed. But don't beat yourself over some stupid rules of principles!! It makes no difference really, I think if your in the moment and it feels like a good thing you'll jump... And if you later on regret it looking back??? See it as a learning experience and a way to get to know what you truly want better!

    <3
    <3
     
  5. Mogget

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  6. Operastar

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  7. Owen

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    Sex is an experience shared between you and someone else (or several other people, if you can coordinate it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). It's absolute okay that you're feeling these conflicted feelings about it; I think most of us do. But at the end of the day, there are two people who will be affected by your having sex: you, and the person you have sex with. So what you and your partner want out of it is what matters the most.

    Now, a compassionate partner will be sensitive to your virginity and your inexperience, and want to make the experience as positive for you as it can be. I think that's the most important thing to look for in the person you share your "first time" with: not that they be "the one", but that they understand the gravity of the fact that it's you're first time, and thus be willing to go slowly so you can ease into the experience, and be willing to stop if you get uncomfortable. But if they're willing to do that,

    So, if you want to go out there and have fun, then go out there and have fun! It's your sex life, and it should be what you want it to be. And if you feel like you're ready for sex, then have that sex! Don't worry about the pressure surrounding it. There's a scene from the Big Bang Theory that I think put it well when it comes to the pressures surrounding our first time. The characters were talking about mint-edition action figures that were still in their box:
     
  8. Aldrick

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    Mogget pretty much summed up most of what I wanted to say with her essay. I just want to point out that it is spot on.

    My view of virginity is that it is a pointless construct. It means nothing. My focus when it comes to people having sex isn't some silly notion of purity, virtue, or however you want to imagine it. Basically, I'm just going to put it bluntly. "Saving it" doesn't make you special.

    When it comes to sex both parties should strive to be safe, comfortable with the idea, consenting, and preferably sober. The whole sober part really helps the other areas. Just use your head, act responsibly, and if it feels right and she's willing go for it. Don't do it simply to "lose" your "virginity." That's the wrong motivation.

    Just as there is nothing special about saving your virginity, there is nothing special about losing it either. There is too much pressure on both sides of this equation.
     
  9. prism

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    It sounds like you really want to wait for the right person. I'm 21 and a virgin. I've had many opportunities, but I want to wait for someone that I love. I don't advertise it to the world, but I'm comfortable telling people that I'm a virgin. As cheesy as it sounds, it is a beautiful gift that you can give to someone. I would feel more comfortable finding out that a potential partner was a virgin than someone who has experience with 10+ people through casual sex.

    I don't think virginity is meaningless. Yes, you can "rupture your hymen" through other activities and become more sexually aware through masturbation, but to me losing your virginity is sharing yourself with someone for the first time. To perform such an intimate act when you're at your most vulnerable sounds beautiful to me.

    Just my 2 cents and a perspective from the other side.
     
  10. DanA

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    It's awesome if you want to wait for the right person. That's responsible and empowering. However, I can understand wanting to "do the horizontal Monster Mash"... as the hip youngsters say these days. I wouldn't go for casual sex however.

    Here is something to remember about your first time. You're going to stink at it. It's true for us all! Just a natural fact of life they don't tell you about in sex ed class or TV. So, with that in mind, when Ms. Right does come along you should let her know, take things slow, and learn what you like and don't like, and don't be so "OMG, I hope she likes this, I dunno if she does". Practice is the funnest part, really... but that is to say you should "practice" when you feel ready.

    Yenywho, casual sex really isn't that fulfilling. If you do want to be "adventurous" and maybe have some "fun", then do it with somebody you know and somebody you can be comfortable with. Notice I didn't say trust. When it comes to sex, you really can't trust anybody so be protected. Use the usual guidelines we all grew up hearing. Hooking up while wasted is a no-no and risky and you won't enjoy it as much (that's true, trust me), always be protected, be safe, and so on and so forth. I mean, back when I was in the closet, I hooked up with girls (and one guy) in college until I was in a long term relationship. The sex was much more special in the long term relationship.
     
  11. Deaf Not Blind

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    one guy was sure he would be fine with a hookup, and how it ended up was gross...he felt disgusted. so you could think it will be so great, only to find that uncaring person is just using your body as play toy #3578. :frowning2:

    you are not a commodity, and the contents of your box is your soul. you are a human and so much more than a sexual creature, you have talents beyond orgasm, and are fun and unique apart from tittilating somebody.

    you have a lot of hormones talking...but you are smart enough to ask is it bad. you got to ask yourself that deeply, cuz you will know the answer AFTER you have done the deed.
     
  12. dano22

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    Exactly why I did not go through it when guys i met online wanted to have sex with me. This stereotype that all gay men hook up is pathetic and wrong on so many levels. It is not something to be proud of for me personally.
     
  13. queenofhearts

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    thanks everyone for the awesome responses...they really do help...i think i may have worded this a bit wrong...its not that i want to have casual sex with a stranger..but say i just met someone and its only been a couple dates and i feel ready and want to have fun rather then "waiting for the right time"...people just seem to wait forever when its there first time..and if i feel ready i dont find a need to do that...thanks again for the great replies!!
     
  14. silkfrog1292

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    By extension, all values and social norms are essentially products of society and culture, they only acquire meaning if we give them meaning. In this sense, virginity as an objective concept does not exist, but subjectively how an individual views it and it's relationship with oneself would make all the difference.

    However, since many of us (exclusing certain societies such as some Papuan New Guinean tribes or Medieval Japan, which have radically different views on gender and sexuality) are so immersed in the mainstream culture since we were born, a conscious agreement with such ideals are no longer necessary, they are so deeply ingrained in us that following them becomes as natural as breathing.

    This places us in a very difficult position. In a scenario that reminisces simulacra and simulation, where there is no such thing as "virginity/sluttishness", since a representation has become so commonplace that it has replaced the reality as our perceived reality.For example, gender is traditionally separated into male and female, but to the vast majority of people a gender beyond these two is incomprehensible. In this sense, i would say that such distictions are, although meaningless, the only distinctions we are ever going to have. :confused: