Okay I know there has been a lot of posts about relationships and mine is probably just like theirs. But I could really use the advice from you guys. First of all, I am NOT in a relationship at the moment nor have I ever been in one. I have only ever had one crush on a guy and it was great while we talked and hung out in all but he asked that we stay friends. Okay, I know I shouldn't strive to be in a relationship and I should just find something else to occupy my time and just wait for me to stumble upon one. I get that I really do. But lately all I have been able to think about is being in a relationship. I want someone to hug (not like a friend hug), I want someone who will be there for me, someone who finds me attractive (self hate prevents me from thinking I am attractive and I think because of that I don't take compliments very well). I want the long term lovey dovey romantic relationship. I feel like it will never happen for me or at least not for a few years because I don't go out really, I only have 1 gay friend and I am incredibly shy around new people (like it can take me a few weeks before I will be comfortable having a conversation with them). Looking back at the top I said I could really use your advice but after typing this I don't really see any part of it you could give advice on. I guess it was more of a rant. Anyways I just really want to be in one but I fear it wont happen for a few years and I don't think I can wait that long. Its been bringing me down over the past few days and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I just don't know right now. :/
I feel the same way, but I want to give you a little advice: don't hate the way you look. When I get depressed the first thing to go is confidence in my appearance. It's something you are born with that is part of what makes you uniquely you. Plus, it's easy to change a lot about it. Go tanning, start exercising, get a new wardrobe and maybe some of that stuff will help you. The biggest thing, though, is to learn to take a complement, just say thank you (at the very least) or people will be a bit ... put off. I know it's hard, but they are being honest and if they see something in you that you don't; well, isn't that a good thing?
If you cannot love yourself it will be difficult for you to sustain a healthy relationship, so try to work on this as a stepping stone to getting what you crave. If you have a lot of insecurity, this may come out in a relationship as neediness so it is well worth working on building your confidence. This process might be uncomfortable but will be worth it in the end. Feeling lonely is not a crime! Thank you for being honest about how you feel. It helps me and it will help others. Ask questions, read books, have therapy if you like. Mostly be pro-active about reaching your goal- a loving romantic relationship. Working on yourself now could save a lot of pain and heartache later. In support of you, Rose
I'm in a similar state. It's made me be in a bad emotional state too (especially the last week - been really hard). The main bit of advice I've recieved (and really should start getting in to) is investing in "you" time. Basically make you the centre of your attention. Easier said than done, I can tell you now. But like 'Rose' said, until you are happy with yourself it will be hard to be happy in a relationship. I'm pretty sure my insecurities (and thus willingness to bend over backwards for some girls) has ruined my chances with a few of them (and led me to being hurt). Not the greatest advice but we're in this together!
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship - the only problem is wanting to be in *any* relationship. If you want to feel close to someone, to be hugged, to be loved - those are all very natural things, and nobody would fault you for wanting them (just like nobody would fault someone who wants to remain single - it's just a personal choice). I do agree with the previous posters, in that thinking you are unattractive or don't deserve a relationship definitely won't help you find one. I mean, you don't necessarily need to think you're the hottest thing since sliced bread - there is something to be said for a small, healthy dose of humility, and besides, it's fun to have that "he REALLY likes me???" moment - but believing that you deserve a relationship and that someone would want to be with you is also natural, normal, and healthy. After all, it's no fun to spend the entire time in a relationship propping up the other person's self-esteem. It's okay to strive after a relationship, too. If you think there's some small part of yourself that you could change and would give you confidence, then go for it. The better you feel about yourself, the more that guy is going to notice it. And your post isn't "just like" everyone else's. Just because you're having a similar experience as many people have, it doesn't mean every detail in the script is the same. Keep posting, and keep working at it! The more you love yourself, the more likely someone else is to follow suit.
