help please...

Don't worry. This is what you experience in adolescence. You will find a lot of people attractive for the first time of your life, which can be hard to handle at first, then you'll get used to it.

Since you're not ready, the obvious thing is to wait. 14 is still very young, and you're still going through a lot of changes. Maybe it's still to soon to try figuring out these things. You shouldn't lose time worrying over this.

Remember that, whatever your orientation is, be it gay, straight, bi, asexual,... it's perfectly normal and you don't need (and can't) change it. You don't have to worry about coming out or being accepted yet.

When I was your age, I had some feelings like you, but I didn't pay much attention to them. I just got on with my life. At first, I was scared, that I was weird, that everyone would abandon me. But later, I thought to myself, "I am me. As long as I'm happy, and it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't care". And then the word "gay" never crossed my mind again until age 17 or 18.

So what you need to do now, is to calm yourself down by getting to know more about sexual orientation. Read some articles and you will come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong. Then you'll be able to accept yourself, and you won't have those sleepless nights anymore (hopefully).

 

(*hug*)

I think this process of understanding yourself is a little bit different for everyone. I think try not to stress about it, as that won't help things. Next, I'd say stay with your friends! Don't spend lunches by yourself, you need people to talk to and interact with... especially in highschool.

Finally, people get crushes all the time, and many crushes are simply unattainable! Finding someone attractive is ok, just make sure that you realise that for some people nothing is going to happen... I like to say things in my head like 'he's straight... nothing's gonna happen... get over him.' Hope that helps somewhat

 

Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place for sure.

As others have said - at this point there's probably nothing for you to do other than try to get used to the idea that you are probably gay. It really isnt' the end of the world, although you've been conditioned through bullying that this is a bad thing and acknowledging it could lead to more bullying. That might be true. But the older you get and the more time that passes, the better the situation will become.

At this point, try not to worry about it. When you go to bed, practice saying to yourself "Well, I guess I might be gay. And that's OK with me. I'm a good person and things are going to work out. But I'm not going to deal with it right now, so there's nothing for me to worry about." If you say that often enough, you'll start to believe it.

Hang out here - because I found it very theraputic - and I was 35! This is a great place to hang out and BE YOURSELF without worrying about what others might think of you.

Eventually, you'll feel confident enough about this that you'll be ready to confide in a good friend or a family member and you'll come out to your first person in real life. But that doesn't have to be for several months or several years. So if the thought of doing that is stressing you out, then just decide right now that you're NOT going to come out to anyone for at least 6 months, or at least 12 months. And that will / might put the issue to bed in your mind for at least a little while. 6 or 12 months from now you might feel very different about coming out - or you might now, and at that time you can set another window of time for you to contemplate this on your own.

Bottom line is - being gay is not the end of the world. Most of us here have really embraced it as part of who we are and we're happy with who we are. You'll get there too. It just takes time.

 

The thing that will make the biggest difference in how you feel is if you can talk about it with someone who will accept you. Is there anyone in your life that you can be sure will be accepting?

It's okay if you are still questioning--you can still talk about it with a friend or someone. You don't have to have all the answers before you tell someone how you are feeling.

 

Totally echo this, though what everyone else has said is spot-on too. EC is great because it's essentially a haven; you get to be confused and frustrated and all those other emotions that you've taught yourself to not show other people. It's a great way of letting go of all those things that we keep bottled up.

I just wanted to add that if you're worried about what people were bullying you about before... I wouldn't concern yourself with it too much. We live in a society where "gay" is just another word for "stupid"; the thing is, most people don't usually mean the word that offensively. Of course they were bullying, so it wasn't meant nicely either... but it wasn't meant nearly as maliciously as we make it out to be. Bullying is terrible; don't get me wrong, but try not to take it to heart.

Additionally, if you're concerned about what people will think since they called you gay before you even figured it out yourself... again, they didn't say it because they really knew you were gay, it was just a way to get under your skin. So don't worry about that either.

And welcome to EC!

 

I hear you. But does anyone else KNOW that you're questioning your orientation? Or even suspect? Probably not. And at the same time, there ARE other people who are questioning their orientation, but they're covering up their uncertainty just like you are so you can't tell.

EVERYONE has issues and insecurities, but we hide them away from everyone. Of all those people you're looking at at school, there are people who don't feel smart enough, don't feel pretty enough, don't think they're 'buff' enough. They feel they have a big nose, skinny arms, thick glasses, wide ass. They aren't talking about how their parents fight all the time, or how their dad is an alcoholic, or their house is nearing foreclosure. Everyone has something that they're insecure about - but they keep it to themselves.

So don't wander around thinking that you're the only one with an issue - because you're not. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. What you're dealing with might not be nearly as troubling as what others are dealing with. Not to minimize what you're going through - but to point out that all these things are going on in people's heads and you're not aware. So likewise, people aren't aware of what you're going through. Don't let it weigh you down too much.