So, my girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly a month now, and she wants me to go and visit her, and stay for a couple of days. She lives about 3-4 hours away, and I really want to go. However, I struggle with talking to my mother, and can't pluck up the courage to ask if I can go up and stay for a few days :icon_redf Neither of our families know that we're dating, and if I do go, I'll be staying as her friend. But, since I haven't yet found the courage to ask, I've upset/offended my girlfriend. I really do want to go, but she thinks that the relationship is a bit one-sided, since she recently came out to her own family, and I wont ask :icon_sad: :help: Has anyone been in a similar situation and have any ideas? Is there any way that I can make her feel better and reassure her that I want to come up? Or even better, does anyone have any advice on how to ask if I can go? She's said I can stay at her house, and it'll probably only be for 2 or 3 days. As I said before, I'd just be going as a friend. Also, I think my parents might worry it's too far to go on my own. Would you agree? (I'm 14). Her mother's said it'd be okay, and that she'd meet me from the train station. She also said she'd talk to my mother over the phone, if she wanted. Any help and/or advice would be great. Thanks!
I don't really have any flow to this, so I'ma just list some thoughts: 1) It might've just been my parents and how I was brought up, but if I probably wouldn't be comfortable with letting my 14 year old daughter (at least, that's what they know you as, though I guess gender doesn't matter as much as age) go off 3/4 hours away to stay with someone for a few days. I think it largely depends on how well they know her too; if they've never met her, I'd probably say it's a guaranteed no, but if it's like a "my best friend who moved away last year" that they've seen a lot, then you could probably swing it. 2) I think regardless of whether or not you're ready to come out, your girlfriend shouldn't be pressuring you into doing anything, especially something like coming out that she's also gone through. She should be respectful of your wishes and take what you say at face value when you tell her that you're interested in coming. Anyone who can't be bothered to respect you and your opinion isn't really worth your time, in my opinion. I know that she just wants to see you visit, but still. 3) You've only been going out for a month. You're also pretty young. Don't rush into anything. There's really no reason (IMO) that you need to go visit anyone in that setting at that age. 4) If you decide to and manage to get to go on this trip... I think it's messy to go lying under the pretense of "I'm visiting my friend". Presumably your parents would be concerned while you're gone and I doubt they'll just not be in touch with you for the few days... so you'd have to keep up a very solid story the whole time you're there. And honestly, being a young girl (physically) and going off by yourself obviously has inherent risks involved... if anything were to happen, then you'd be torn between keeping up your story or being honest, and I think that's the last place you want to be stuck in. All in all, I know I'm being a real nay-sayer, and that's not my intent... but looking at it, I can't say I think this is a good idea. :/
at 14 i went wherever i wanted on trains e.t.c only if i told my parents where i was going and what time i would be back. (baring in mind this was around london so not some of the safest places). aslong as i knew where i was going i was fine so i dont think your age would be an issue..... you say she lives 3 hours away, have you met before? if not, i honestly dont suggest you stay a few nights without meeting her first she could anyone.... if this is the case meet halfway? 3 hour train journeys often have 'changes' where you chnage to another train so you continue with your journey. so you could both meet at the 'change' station in public for a coffee, somewhere public and not alone. if you have met before, then cant she meet you halfway? and you can carry on the journey with your gf for company so you wont be alone ? and her mum did say she would ring yours, so i suggest you tell your mum that when you ask so she doesnt feel so in the dark. my mum would let me stay round someones house more likely if she could speak to the parents beforehand so that is in your favor if your parents are like mine lol. tell your gf what you told us lol, that you do want to come but your parents are a bit strict (from the sounds of things) she should understand that everyone parents are diff also this might sound ridiculous, but its just my 2 cents.... i more often than not always introduce a new 'gf' as a friend at first because otherwise my mum wouldnt let her stay and think wed get up to everything under the sun haha! (i tell my gf that first obv).... then i let on that we were dating while she let her stay a few weeks after. always works (well in the 3 times ive had anyone stay round in 20 years lol). its the only way ive ever been able to have anyone round. ever. period. it sounds ridic but.... some parents are so strict its the only way :| my gf at the time understood, she was cool with it so yah. my parents didnt used to let me stay round anyones house not even now im 20, well i have to push and push lol. i understand not having courage to ask something so 'simple' to one person but not to you (*hug*)