I’ll start my story 4 months back… in March. I was just another regular college student, my life was pretty okay, I wasn’t sad or anything, just a bit lonely. Towards the end of school I met a guy online , just 2 years older than me (no this isn’t one of those ******/craigslist hookups) on a site very similar to this one. We became very good friends… the only problem is that he lives all the way in Australia (insert *rollseyes here). Anyhow, this guy and I started growing closer and closer, until one day I admitted to him that I was “in love” with him. Then we quickly developed an online romance thing… we shared (verified) pictures, videos, etc. I was happy at the time. When I think about it now… I realize that I was losing grasp of the real world. I remember walking down the halls pretending I had a boyfriend… and a real good friend who cared for me. Anyways, this guy and me opened up so much to one another that by the end of our 2nd month of knowing each other, he knew me better than any of my family members. It’s safe to say that he was a genuine guy… which is why I fell so hard for him, I liked his sincerity and the fact that he never pretended to be somebody he wasn’t… he even wrote me a song and showed me the video to make me feel better. By this time, he was everything to me… I would lose sleep over him, I couldn’t wait until he woke up and replied to my messages. I know this makes me sound pathetic, but it’s the closest thing I ever had to a relationship. When I confessed my feelings to him, I told him I would go see him in AUSTRALIA!!!! He rejected that idea, and told me that I probably wouldn’t like him in person. I told him that I felt used and whatnot… and then I decided to end things right then and there. I sent him a message one night telling him that what we had was just a game to him and that we could never be together because he didn’t want me. I regretted it the next day, and I sent him a message saying I was sorry, and it took him a while, but he forgave me. Again, we got very close together and went as far as to give each other nicknames and stuff. I loved him, and I thought he loved me. Anyways... long story short, a week ago he told me he was going to take a week break from the internet because his work schedule only gave him one day off, that day off being the last day of the week. Well, the week went by… I sent him a message wanting to know how he was doing, he didn’t reply (although he read it… I know he read it b/c the website as a feature where it tells you when the recipient has read your message) my birthday passed as well during that week ( I just thought I should write that b/c it kinda upset me that he didn’t remember my birthday) Finally, last night I get a message from him saying that he had a tonsil infection and had been on antibiotics, but still attending work. He also said that he would never get on that site again because he had found a girlfriend. At the time I felt something in my stomach turning… I had never felt that before. I was angry, and immediately sent him a msg telling him off and w/e. Then I came to my senses and went back and deleted it b4 he read it, I sent him another one later ending things on a good note. So that’s how things went down just last night. Now, here I am writing this because sadly I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I don’t think I have a question (despite this being the support and advice section), it’s mostly just me trying to get it out of my system. I knew things were eventually going to end, I just never expected it to hurt me this much. I was used to him being my “safety net” if I can call it that, since he really was a really nice guy who comforted me when I needed it. Right now I’m hoping next semester will be different and my life will start to take shape, in the real world this time. I look forward to that, but at the same time I’m scared things will never change. If what I had was only a “fake” relationship with some dude in Australia, I can only imagine how bad things could get in the real world. I’m never doing that again. I've cried too much over this, and have to stop. I guess the question playing in the back of my mind is... how the heck do i carry on with my life, like i was before?
Hey Mr Potato, I feel your pain. Sometimes things unexpected and hurtful, like what you have experienced here, happen. Especially when love is involved. My advice is going to be short and trite, but it's the best I have to offer... The only way you get over something like this is by taking what my mom calls "baby steps". One foot in front of the other. Focus on your school work and finding out what you really like to do in your spare time. Enjoy life by yourself, and you will find that healing will come more easily and more quickly than it would if you were not preoccupied. Love will happen when you least expect it. By the way, noticed you were Texan too... lots of land out there and lots of boys to see, you'll be fine!!!
To answer your question, you just have to carry on with your life...but it won't be like it was before or like you were before. Everything that happens in our lives shapes us, whether it's something good or something bad. Especially for things that are so close to your heart, it'll change you in one way or another. It may make you see things differently, see people differently, it may change your perspective on life and love, etc. You just have to take what you got out of it, learn from it, and move on...or at least do your best to. I've been in love with my straight best friend for about 7 years, and at one point, she hurt me really badly. We were so, so close and spent all our time together. I fell hard for her and made her the center of my world; even though I know she'd never reciprocate my feelings, that didn't stop me from loving her like crazy. She just cut me out suddenly 4 years ago, and even though we're friends again and our relationship has improved since then, things never went back to the way they were before. I became depressed over what happened, I isolated myself, and I've dug myself into a really deep hole by this point. I still struggle with the memories of what happened and of what we had and still wondering what went wrong. Since I'll never know, I'll never really have closure. It still hurts me to this day, and I still love her more than anything. But there's really nothing I can do. I'm a totally different person now than I was before and would have been if that thing didn't happen to me. I've become so bitter and distant...I never had anyone to talk to about what happened so I held it all inside for all this time. I've had to deal with it alone and suffer through it on my own. My best advice for you is to talk to people and to meet new people. It'll help you get your mind off things, help you get your feelings off your chest, and you may find a new "real" relationship. I really hope you'll recover from this fast; it's no fun falling into a deeper and deeper hole. Try not to sit there and dwell about it. I know it's hard not to, but it's not healthy for you and it won't change anything.
Don't beat yourself up too much. Online relationships can affect us pretty deeply, just like in-person ones. They're different, and we implicitly judge them differently, but - as you found - it can be very easy to get invested in someone that way. Think of it as a learning experience. Now you know one of the pitfalls, so it probably won't happen again. Plus, you saved all that money on flying to Australia, right? If it gave you more of an idea about what you want in a relationship, and it gave you more of an idea about how you want your next one to be different, and you learned something about how you want to act in a relationship - then I call it a good thing. Who knows - this could have prepared you for something even better in the fall.
I've been in a similar situation :/ There was this one "straight" guy who I had a huge crush on. I met him in class last year, but then he got his schdule changed (He didn't expect it). Then, I never saw him, not in my class or the hall ways. Only at lunch, but I don't sit at the same lunch table as he did. At that point, we started not to talk to eachother, and we became distant. This year, I saw him, we started kinda talking and becoming friends again. My friendship for him wasn't as strong as it was before. At that time he was going out with a girl. In the hallways, I saw them kiss and other stuff. At that point, my heart was crushed, and I told myself I needed to move on. I was very depressed those months. What I did was push him out of my life. I ignored him everytime we talked. Even though I knew it would hurt me a lot, but I did it. Then he broke up with his girlfriend. We are still friends, and I can't believe we are still friends after me trying to ignore him and everything i've done. Hes really an a amazing person Right now, Im sorta over him, but now im sorta lusting/crushing on him. My love for him isn't as strong. I would tell him I have feelings for him, but I don't want our friends to end or become awkward :/ Edit: This guy was my first guy crush! I've had crushes on other people, but this rush was COMPLETLY different from the others~
Thank you all for your replies... reading them has actually helped me a lot. Your experiences have actually made me realize just how painful love can be. I'm not sure what might happen in the near future, but for now i'm okay with being single in the real world.. maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. ezkill- thanks for your input... mother always know best! and sorry about your situation with your bf (i read the thread u made) And yea, Texas is huge with a lot of hot boys... but many straight ones too i jus gotta pick out the ones my (non working) gaydar leads me to. Musikk 021- i'm sorry about your friend, that must really suck to love someone but them not reciprocate the feeling. And, yeah, i'll be on the lookout for a real relationship in the coming months. Gravity- i really appreciate your input... this experience is something i definitely learned from. and now i realize how stupid of me for wanting to go to Australia for some guy... at the time i really felt confident in what i was going to do... but thankfully i didn't do it haha. That kinda upset me though... i was willing to go there just to be with him, and he rejected me oh well. Alphabets- this is something that really scares me... befriending a guy who i will have a huge crush on but he will never like me that way. I certainly wouldn't want to invest so much time on something that will never be. i'm really sorry for your situation, and hopefully you find the right guy for you!
