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Will my guy friends feel uncomfortable around me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Wayfarer, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. Wayfarer

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    OK, I'm pretty sure that whenever I choose to come out, that my friends who actually care about me will be totally accepting. The thing is though... I don't want my dude friends to be under the false impression that I'm checking them out frequently or even fancy them. I mean, it's not like straight guys are constantly checking out any girl they can lay their eyes on. I'm a Scout (NOT a Boy Scout, they're completely different from the group I'm in) and I don't want my guy friends to feel awkward or uncomfortable about being in a close (but completely platonic) situation/accommodation with me (i.e. sharing a tent). Don't laugh please!

    In summary... how would I explain this/break the ice without bringing up an out-of-place subject or making things awkward?
     
  2. BudderMC

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    Well, I think before anything else, you should just come out to them. Odds are they won't be bothered by it. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    If you can manage to tell them in person (when they're not busy), then after you drop the news it opens up time to discuss it. At that point I think is a really good time to bring up that you're concerned that they'll be concerned things will be awkward. You don't need to do anything, just reassure them that things are going back to the same as usual. If you weren't checking them out before, you aren't gonna check them out now, right?

    And if they are uncomfortable, well then... that's their problem. There's not much you can do about it besides reassure them (not overwhelmingly) that nothing's really changed, and go back to however life was before. Soon enough things will click that life is as normal as it was before.

    I will say that I had the same fear as you. My first friend I told, well, let's just say I was waaaaay more uncomfortable around him (for fear he'd think I'd be doing awkward things) than he was with me. He literally sat down at dinner like usual after I told him. Nothing changed.

    I've also got another friend (both are my housemates) who frequently walked around in nothing but boxers before I came out. I was expecting he'd want to cover up more afterwards, but again, nothing changed. It just means now, if I feel it's appropriate, I can making jokingly lewd comments at his lack of clothing :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    It largely depends on your friends, and since none of us know them we can't answer for sure. But the more of a nonchalant, "no big deal" attitude you bring when you come out, the more likely they are to follow suit with that attitude. Go Google "self-fulfilling prophecy (bias?)" if you care to know more... I only learned about that (scientifically) today, so I don't know that much about it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Good luck!
     
  3. Gravity

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    Same thing here - I don't know that I've ever had (hetero) men react any differently than women when I come out to them. I think that being worried you're checking them out or whatever is just another way for guys to express homophobic thoughts (whether mild or malicious), which women can also do - women just express them differently. Most hetero guys don't seem to mind all that much, in my experience. Heck, I've sat in a friend's lap during a ride home before and he didn't care. :slight_smile:
     
  4. gmac

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    Cool how most of you dudes' bros were cool with it. Mine werent. Unless your boys are blatantly homofobik like mine were then you should be good. I expected it though...usually you have some idea hiw certain people will take it
     
    #4 gmac, Jul 18, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2012
  5. Dasc Crescent

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    Well my friends really don't care, but it does depend on the type of friends you have, since I am with the nerd group its pretty chilled, I mean my best friend still makes comments on the girls in our classes to me, he still goes out of his way to sit next to me and has shared his bed with me a few times now, if anything the trust I showed to him brought us closer
    Sadly not all stories are like mine, but I do think if your friends care enough about you, they will come round, even homophobic people I know changed completely just by knowing a gay person, proving they aren't all the Hollywood crossdressing pedophiles we are often seen as.
     
  6. BudderMC

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    I just wanted to post in this bit because something rather relevant happened... I've been talking on Facebook with the two aforementioned guy friends in a group message, and one of them suggested we go camping, heh. One said he could probably swing getting us a tent, and the other is planning a whole bunch of stuff... point is, I think it's heavily implied we could share a tent and it clearly isn't an issue. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: