But I always feel empty afterwards, and I wish I had been with a woman instead. Sometimes, even in the heat of the moment, I'll start losing steam and have to think about naked women to get going again. It's strange though because I use almost exclusively gay porn, and most of my fantasies when I'm on my own are about being with men. I think it says a lot that I've been willing to put myself into situations where I'm having sex with another guy as opposed to being with a woman, but why am I finding it so difficult once I'm there? What's causing this roadblock?
I'd say reexamine your wants. Fantasy, taste in porn, and desire to make love to someone actually aren't all that connected. I like anime, gay man porn. Do I want to have sex with gay anime men while they have sex with other men? Uhhh, no. I occasionally will fantasize about a male actor or some thing like that. Do I really want sex with him? Uhhh, no. Don't try to be something that doesn't feel right. Daydream about men, fap to men, go home and make love to a beautiful girlfriend. It's okay.
Maybe you have conditioned yourself to have physical attraction to men, but you actually want to be with a woman? Perhaps you should try watching str8 porn again to see if that is turning you on more. If so, perhaps you like women after all?
I wonder if it's some latent fear of what I'd be giving up by not being with a woman. I very strongly want to have my own kids, and I always picture myself having a wife. I'd convinced myself that this is what media has taught me to want though, and the moment I'll have found the right guy, my priorities would realign, but now I'm not sure. On the other hand, I don't want to be found in a situation where I'm 40 with 2 kids, and I've only just "realized" I've been living my life as a lie in order to avoid social stigma.
Do you identify "with"men in porn more than actually being attrcated to them? l have seriously, not once fantasized about a man but what you describe about sex with a man was like sex with a man for me also lol. The further into it, the more turned off l became. And l actually do watch porn for the males sometimes, nothing about their bodies at all. l just feel like l'm more connected to them in porn and sort of imagine myself as them.
I wonder if it's because I find straight porn to be so fake that I can't watch it. Seeing women demean themselves in front of a camera does nothing for me, but watching gay porn, it's a clear representation of arousal.
There are people who watch porn that they aren't sexually oriented towards (the most famous example being the surprisingly large number of lesbians who watch gay male porn). Sex, even if it's not with people you're attracted to, can be arousing if the participants are into it. The idea that "the proof is in the porn" is true for many people, but not all.
You can't condition your attractions...u are still on the road to acceptance do it feels weird..just let it sit for a while!
Eh, I think if the porn turns you on but the sex doesn't, the principle difference is that you're exposing yourself when you have sex, and you're safe and alone when you're just looking at porn. You may have a certain degree of auto-eroticism. So I think it's a bit of performance anxiety coupled with this emotional problem you're dealing with: the problem of loss. You have to stop worrying about kids. If you're hung up on that it's going to wreck many things. You need to learn to get into the emotional state you feel when you're watching the porn and connect that to the real-life sex. Also, I generally think about men and women regardless of who I'm having sex with. I'll cycle through all my fantasies when I'm with them. If it turns out you're bi, you have to let that cycle just flow. Don't try to hold it back or keep it stuck on something. Just let it run its course.
