My girlfriend is trans (mtf) and only a few people know about it, and I'm not close to any of the ones who do. My dad knows and he's perfectly accepting so I can talk to him, but sometimes I want someone else to talk to, you know? Sometimes she obsesses over it, and I have to remind her that I have issues too and that I don't want to discuss her all the time, and she always apologises and things are good, we've been dating a year and we're good, and other times I'm happy to talk about it and sometimes I just get overwhelmed, and I always want her to just be a biological her so I can actually call her a her rather than a him... But if that happened I'd have never dated her, and I love her too much to give her up. I see all these nice things that I want to give her, but her parents don't know and are really intolerant and they would kill me if I gave them to her and never let us see each other again if they found out about her, coz they flip at things like that. Also I'm not out as being bi largely, and I'm happy as I am, I love who I am, but its wearing on me, pretending to be what I'm not, but I know I can be myself at home, they know, and I have it so much better than my girlfriend, and I know that. My anxiety is really bad right now and my depression rears its ugly head sometimes and I finish school forever at the end of this term and I'm so stressed about that and the big exams and life after school and struggling to focus on study. Yeah, I'm all in a flutter right now, and would love to have friends to talk to, because this is really wearing on me.
From what you describe you and your girlfriend have a strong and loving relationship. Achieving the balance it needs will sometimes require work but it seems like you are onto this. That you are feeling overwhelmed and worn down sometimes is perhaps not surprising but keep a close check on it. Feeling depressed and worn down all the time should not be treated lightly. You seem pretty aware though and will hopefully know when it might be appropriate to get help professionally. It sounds like you do need support though, so well done for reaching out. If you don't take care of your own needs first, you won't be of good use to your girlfriend. You have come to the right place! You will always get plenty of support here. Go easy on yourself and try to take each day as it comes. There is plenty of time for you to come out to the masses. Don't project your worry too far into the future. Yes you have got big changes ahead but you are young and should also be enjoying yourself! Take pleasure in the small things if you can. Do you have a hobby or acivity that is just for you? Something that gives you pleasure and breathing space? Or can you connect more with other people besides your girlfriend? Even just keeping it basic, making sure you sleep enough, eat healthily and take some exercise should go a long way to improving your mood if any of these areas are currently lacking. Best wishes, Rose
I find that when I am feeling most stressed out that the best thing I can do is to read a book, or sometimes even rewatch a well loved show. Go for a bike ride, take a walk while listening to your mp3 player. Perhaps even approach your girlfriend and tell her that you've been feeling stressed lately. Tell her that you'd like to take a day and spend the entire day together, but just for that one day, nobody's problems would be discussed. Just be together, doing things you enjoy, hold eachother and smile. And remember we're all here and happy to listen any time you want to talk. We understand, and we care about each person here being happy like they deserve to be. Wishing you and your special lady the best, Iris
Thanks for replying. I'm usually pretty composed during the day but in the evening I can get worn out. Usually I read, roleplay or play my xbox to chill. I have other good friends too, I'd go nuts with just Jaymee around lol, and we chat on facebook. I guess I just needed a place to babble on and this place has always felt safe to me. Thanks for listening.
