|18th Jul 2012, 10:13 PM||#1|
Out Status: Most Know; Open About It
Location: Long Island
Join Date: Jan 2012
Friends with an Ex?
So I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a little less than a month ago. We still text everyday (we may hang out eventually again, but right now he has mono..). He said he still wants to be friends, which is cool with me, but I don't know if being friends is hurting him more. He tells me that he'd do anything to have a second chance with me, and that he hopes some day in the future that we go out again. I told him that there's a possibility, I don't know, but honestly I don't see it happening. I don't feel that way about him anymore. I don't know for sure, but I don't think that he's over me, considering he tells me these things. But yet, at times he talks about other girls (how he was kinda flirting with some cheerleaders, asking if I had my teammates number, etc...). Anyways, I don't know if me still talking to him is going to make him still love me, and not get over me, ending up hurting him more. But he made me promise to him that I'll stay friends with him, because he already lost me as a girlfriend, he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. And I don't want to break that promise to him...
|18th Jul 2012, 10:20 PM||#2|
Gender: Lady with a dash of Tramp
Orientation: So dykey I keep the Netherlands from flooding
Out Status: My proverbial closet is collecting dustbunnies
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow...
Join Date: Dec 2010
Re: Friends with an Ex?
This is just my opinion, and I could be totally wrong...but I think you may need your space. When I broke up with my ex, we continued to text constantly and I found it really hard to move on. Every time I got a text or a call from her I would feel incredibly happy and completely heartbroken at the same time -- glad I was hearing from her, sad because our relationship had changed so much and we no longer had a romantic connection. Eventually I told her I needed space and aside from a few texts and messages here and there we've pretty much stopped communicating for the past few months. I feel so much better and I've been able to move on now that I'm no longer getting constant reminders of her and our previous relationship.
It sounds like your situation is a little different, since you're over your boyfriend and he definitely still has feelings for you. When he tells you about other girls he may be trying to make you jealous -- you guys broke up so recently that it's way too soon for him to be telling you this stuff without worrying that he's hurting you. Honestly, it sounds like he still loves you and by continuing to text you're just drawing out his pain. It's not you're fault at all, it's just the circumstance and the fact that you guys want different things. You guys can still be friends, but you may need a break first; time when you're not communicating and you can clear your head.
Good luck, love and hugs. <3
"Abercrombie isn't about helping people. It's about playing rugby with your best buds in a fresh green field, only you both forgot your clothes."
|18th Jul 2012, 11:15 PM||#3|
Empty Closets Advisor
Out Status: Out to everyone
Join Date: Nov 2011
Re: Friends with an Ex?
I will say this - it is possible to be friends with an ex. I did it (or rather, am doing it right now, technically, as he's currently my friend). But that status came after a long period of negotiating how we were going to be friends and not be jealous about us seeing other people - it took about two years. That said, he's one of my best friends now (which is kind of an awkward thing to explain to people I date, but that's a different story).
If you really want to give it a shot, then maybe try setting up some parameters - like you only hang out during the day, you don't spend time at each other's places alone, etc. And always, in every scenario, be honest - if you can't hang out because you have a date, then tell him (perhaps only if he asks why, depending on his state). A break also might help. My ex and I went through a couple months of not being in touch at one point.
Basically the friendship has to be really adding something to your life, and it helps to be in the right kind of situation (I had just moved far away with him and we didn't have a lot of other friends there).
"If you didn't think it would hurt your reputation, what would you choose?"
|19th Jul 2012, 12:41 PM||#4|
Tournaments Won: 15
Re: Friends with an Ex?
when i broke up with my gf (we're back together now) i was still friends with her. she has always been my bestie. even now, its not only a relationship, its a great friendship (ok that was cheesy...oh well) but it is possible to be friends with an ex. its not ok to let a friendship go just cuz its a little bit awkward. you'll get beyond that part.
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