Question for gay people (not bi/pan)

I'd immediately fall out of love with them because they had lied to me.

 

I assume -- since you only want gays answering -- that you mean "would the feelings disappear simply because they turned out to be the opposite sex", right? Just to clear things up.. because otherwise people might think you mean "would the feelings disappear because they turned out te be liars"..

Yeah I won't answer the rest, because I don't think I'm really gay

 

I've thought about this some before, but I never did come up with a fully satisfactory answer. Obviously purposefully misleading someone about your gender is problematic, so I would probably call off whatever relationship was developing. However, while I know the sense of betrayal would impact my feelings for the person, I don't know what effect me realizing they are male would have independent of it.

I think I would still have feelings for him at first - after all, feelings don't tend to disappear immediately. It takes a while for the brain to truly process and integrate the new information. But once my brain's image of the person finally caught up with reality, it would almost certainly kill all sexual attraction and potentially romantic attraction as well, though I am less sure of the latter than the former.

 

I honestly wouldn't know. When we would meet in person some day and she turns to be a girl I think the real life attraction would be much much less (if not absent) than it would be with a guy. And of course this huge lie would mean the relationship would be hopeless anyway.

 

If I could get over the fact that they lied to me (which would be hard for me to do) I would probably only be emotionally attracted to them. I just don't find myself sexually attracted to men. I'm not saying that I would not try, it just probably would not work out.

 

Well, as Jim said, the whole lying to me thing is a big deal. But suppose this person has a gender-neutral name and I just assume. Well, yes, I'd still have feelings for her, but I probably wouldn't find her sexually attractive anymore. However, if I liked her enough I might still be willing to pursue a relationship, though we'd have to make some negotiations.

 

Oh geeze, what a scenario. It'd quickly kill all of my attraction, because I'm just not into guys and because that is such a huge lie. After a while, I think I could still be friends though unless they were faking their personality as well.

 

I really agree with some of the posts. A lie... that will make me fall out of love. That may ruin any chances of being together, but as for being friends... IF you can overlook the lie, that might happen

 

I wouldn't have been in love with them, I'd have been in love with the person they were pretending to be.

Also, this is the plot of the novel 'Will Grayson, will grayson' by John Green and David Levithan

 

LOL I probably could tell he was a guy before he even told me so. People aren't very good at lying usually. Yeah and If I couldn't tell total turn off because he lied.

 

D: did this happen to you?

Or are you the man in this situation...?

lol, no.

1). The person is a douchebag for the event itself.

2). There are plenty of men l admire and really like but am not physically attracted to IRL. There's no chemistry, we could be soulmates in every other way but it doesn't work.

 

I personally think it is super creepy for a dude to pose as a girl to talk to girls ... period!

run!!

 

The answer to this for me is not difficult - if the person wanted just to continue as a friend, then I probably would keep in touch, but I wouldn't want to get too emotionally involved.

It also depends on why he lied - if he was trying to trick me it would be different to if they were just desperate to chat and that I was the only one "available" at the time.

Personally, I couldn't get emotionally involved with anyone I hadn't met and got to know "in the flesh". I once got friendly with a guy from India and we chatted a lot - he wanted to improve his English and he started to teach me Gujurati BUT eventually he started to say he loved me and he wanted to come and live with me. Very bizarre! It all got a bit "stalkerish" and I stopped chatting to him. I learned to be a bit more careful online - I don't exchange contact details OR cam with someone until I know them really well.

Good luck with getting over this set-back, but you know the answer yourself already - if you're looking for a girl, then a boy won't do.

 

I guess that would depend.

If he came to me and said something like the following:

"I need to come clean about something. I'm biologically female, but I've always considered myself male. I haven't gone through gender-reassignment, but I definitely want to. I haven't told you this yet because I was worried how you'd react - so many gay guys run away when I tell them I'm biologically female but consider myself male."

...then it's possible we could continue being together. If he just sort of sprung it on me, and tried to guilt trip me into staying with him because "you're being shallow by insisting I have a penis" or some such, then, y'know, bye.

Lex

 

I'm gay, not bisexual/pansexual, I don't like guys, that's just how it is. So I would feel like I was being taken advantaged of and lied to by this guy.
It's completely different even the person was transgender though, because that is not pretending.

 

I'd be pissed -- I'd feel like I'd been toyed with and led on, and I'd break it off. It's not so much the penis that's the issue (although that is a bit of a problem), it's the lie. If he was transitioning genders, I'd be more understanding and flexible, but just a straight cis guy pretending to be a girl? No dice.

 

well, I would find falling in love with someone over the internet to be very unlikely for me. I need to see someone on a day to day basis and have time to get to know them, in person, and see their interactions with other people, to fall in love. online, all you have is what they tell you and that for me is not enough.

but, yeah, I'd lose interest pretty quickly, because I mean, no offense but my eye would not be drawn the way my eye is drawn to other women, and sexual attraction is pretty important to me, so while I can be friends with a guy, romantic involvement would be doomed to failure... I don't mean to be shallow, but I want there to be both sexual and emotional compatibility between myself and the person I end up with.

 

I would still be in love with them, yes. Hence all the darn people out there in abusive relationships, and they just keep going back. Love is strong.. the strongest of any emotion I have experienced thus far. It doesn't just disappear for me when my girl just up and quits talking to me. For no reason, without warning. I should say "Alright then, I won't put up with that. Now, moving on." But it's not that simple.