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I Need to Let it all Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Azul, Jul 19, 2012.

  1. Azul

    Azul Guest

    I really need to let this all out of my system. (Forgive if I misspell any words. It's late.)

    I'm biologically female. Over the past few months I've been feeling an urge to be tomboy. I made a step today by cutting my hair. I feel I need to wear baggy clothes because tight clothes are too "girly." I feel really uncomfortable with feminine accociations. I hate being called a "girl," "lady," "actress" (I'm no major actor, just stuff online and I took acting classes my freshman year of high school). Something about this all puts me down. I used to have short periods where I wish I was male. I'm not desperate because I know I would not actually change my gender if I had a magical genie. I just don't want to be seen as a frilly pink girly-girl who talks about boys all day. I don't think I'm transgender because I had never felt like a "man in a woman's" body, exactly.

    I have never dated. I thought about getting a boyfriend a few months ago with someone a year older who said they liked me, but that didn't happen. I thought I liked them, too. I had my first kiss with them last month and it was nothing special at all. Kissing a wall would have been the same. Heck, when I was a little kid I think I had more fun kissing my best friends who were little girls. (And it was never romantic, just friends) I have been attracted to men in the past, but I only emotionally/physically. I can't say I've ever been sexually attracted to anyone yet. I don't think it has rang in yet. I'm not asexual, for sure.

    Three months ago I started calling myself bisexual. I haven't spoken about it only because a lot of girls tend to say that they are bisexual that I know. Some of them I think may be lesbian and just want to latch on with men a little longer. I don't think anyone would believe me. It's a "phase," they say. The thing is I feel that both genders can be very attractive. Either one could complete my life, I just haven't found anyone yet.
     
  2. KiddlesP

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    Thank you for sharing. This has been heard. It seems you have thought about this in-depth, and the choice comes down to what YOU want to be, or call yourself, if you want to call yourself anything at all; there is no need, unless you place one there.
     
  3. Azul

    Azul Guest

    Now that I think of it, I technically came out in an online poll. That's all.
     
  4. Curly

    Full Member

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    Hey welcome to EC!

    I thought I was bisexual too at one point, but it was more like I hoped to be bisexual. I have no doubt it exists, I just realized that it didnt exist in me.

    Gender issues wise ... Well I am in the same boat as you. I have short hair and wear guy's clothes (I feel like I do have more colour choices though, like pink and colourful colours). I don't really think I am completely transgender, but I am pretty sure I fit somewhere under the trans umbrella or genderqueer. The words "you look so beautiful/pretty" does nothing for me. I am female bodied and there are times when it's easier than others to accept that. I have the world's girliest name too. I told my friends that I am a girl with a female body and a chocolaty boi centre... (at least for now)

    So, you are not alone! You can always msg if you want to talk. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Max630

    Regular Member

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    hey
    like @shfh said I am in the same boat as you both.
    I've always been a pretty big tomboy, but lately it has gotten to the point where I want to start binding because I've been having such chest dysphoria.
    I did try to change myself in high school by becoming slightly more girly, but as I entered college that changed. I've always felt more comfortable in guys clothes and had recently come out to a few close friends and begining to express my true self. As of now I have moved home from college and I am slowly starting to slip back into feeling like I need to "hide" from my family (as I am not out to them) and they are not so accepting of my tomboyish ways/style.

    I hope everything starts to get better and you can always message me if you want to talk :slight_smile:
     
  6. Bree

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    Google genderqueer and see if that helps too.