kill me now please...?

OK! Take a kick to the balls. Man up and get on with the rest of your miserable life!


I'm guessing if you've just been to the school cousellor, you're relatively young, possibly under 20.

There are some people who have an idyllic childhood. There are some people who have an idyllic adolescence.

Don't let anyone tell you, though, that teenage is easy for everyone - it stinks on occasion, but it is just a stage we all have to go through on the journey to adulthood.

I read a while back that there are 7 stages we can go through in our emotional development. Not everyone reaches the final two stages, but most of us go through the first ones, and teenage is undoubtably one of the most turbulent - conflict with family, trying hard to fit in with peers, not wanting to be left out, feeling isolated, unloved, unworthy.

The good news is, though, that we DO come out of the other end - you reach adulthood and you take responsibility for your life, to lead as you wish, to be the person you want to be.

That also takes courage - to be the person you want to be - but it certainly isn't a hopeless task - thousands, millions even, of men have done this before you. It is also important to remember that, although this stage of the journey is something you make "on your own, for yourself" you are not alone really because there are others who are walking beside you making similar journeys too.

You could think of it as a huge parade of humanity - there are people ahead of you, and people behind you, but there are also people beside you.

You just have to be patient with yourself (and others) but eventually you will reach your destination.

I hope that doesn't sound cheesy. You've probably heard it all before - even though each of our journeys is unique, we share so many things in common too.

I hated school. I hated the people that went there and I couldn't wait to leave. It seemed to go on forever BUT looking back, those 4 years were only 4 years and then you have the rest of your life to live - maybe not a perfect life with EVERYTHING you want just right, but there is no reason at all to imagine that it will be miserable and unrewarding.

Need another swift foot to the gonads?

Go out and talk - call someone for coffee. You don't need to tell anyone you're feeling blue, but think of someone who makes you laugh and seek them out.

Impressive statistics, by the way. I believe we're all on a greyscale too sexually, but I have never thought of it in terms of percentages before.

I'm going to go away and think of my percentage right now. Thanks for putting that thought in my head!

Get back to me if you want.

 

I'm going to second one of the suggestions Bob made. Spend time with people who make you laugh. Spending time with fun people is a great distraction to depression: not only have I felt better about myself after getting out of my house, but a experienced psychologist (who now teaches at the local college) says the same thing about depression.

My next suggestion has been personally tested by me after I heard/read about it from somewhere. Smiling, even when you aren't feeling like it, actually brings your mood up significantly. I'm not sure if it's been scientifically proven, but it worked for me so it might be something you would want to give a try.

Exercise/Fresh Air/Sunshine also help with depression, it's a proven fact. So, if you can, try and get plenty of fresh air and exercise every day. If not every day, then maybe aim for three days a week.

I think it would be beneficial for you to try and change your thought pattern. Instead of thinking that high school sucks (which we all know it does for the most part) think about what you enjoy about high school. There are all things we don't enjoy, but thinking about the positives in life can contribute to happiness.

Have you tried essential oils? Some of them can help with depression/anxiety. Essential Oils for Depression You'll have to scroll down a bit, but this is just one of many informational sites about aromatherapy/essential oils. Alternative medicine isn't for everyone, but you may be interested to give it a try.

Hope some of these suggestions help you

 

I've dealt fairly extensively with depression and suicidal ideation over the past few years. So, first off: you aren't alone. Depression is very common among people our age, especially gay people. It's also one of the more treatable mental illnesses.

I would strongly encourage you to find a therapist. Most school counselors are not able to provide the weekly, ongoing sessions that depression requires. Yours may be, and if so that's great, but if not, a good therapist is essential.

Therapy is not just a complaint session or an analysis of your past, although it does include that. A good therapist will also teach you healthy and effective coping mechanisms that will allow you to recover. It is very important that you be honest with your therapist. Your school counselor doesn't seem to be aware that you have daily suicidal ideation, which is a very important thing for your therapist to know.

Some people who experience depression also use psychiatric medication. I'm one of them. I generally suggest asking a therapist before seeing a psychiatrist, as if you can manage without them, it's a lot cheaper and there are some inherent risks in taking medications. Anti-depressants are not happy pills. They don't give an artificial sense of happiness. Rather, they expand the range of emotions the patient is capable of feeling and provide an energy boost. On my medications I can still be sad, melancholy, and even have thoughts of self-harm; the big change is that I can also be happy and content for long periods of time.

Finally, self-care is essential to recovery from depression. Self-care is maintaining those basic needs that so easily fall of the wayside: exercise, hygiene, regular and appropriate eating, and regular and appropriate sleep. When I start to neglect these areas, it quickly becomes a vicious negative feedback loop where it becomes harder and harder to get back into proper maintenance.

Feel free to ask here or in a PM if you have any further questions about depression, suicidal ideation, self-care, recovery, or healthy coping mechanisms.

 

Just checking up on you - hope you're being easier on yourself today.

If you read a few of my posts, you'll see that I have a son who is 37 now. I adopted him when he was 10 and I was 26. He still calls me Dad now, even though the effects of that 16-year age difference have diminished over time.

He came from a troubled background and had been physically abused by his natural father. I was the one he clung to as the Dad he never had.

When he reached puberty, the hormones, the drinking with friends and the experimentation with drugs took their toll and he began self-harming. I remember one day where he'd been to a party and didn't come home. I was out of my mind with worry, not made easier when I eventially found him covered in blood behind a shed in the (huge) garden.

He hadn't been attacked - he'd had an argument at the party, but had then come home and cut himself all over with a razor blade. He'd cut his name, Ian, over and over again in his arms and legs and on his chest and stomach. When I pulled him out from behind the shed, I just didn't know what had happened. There was dried blood everywhere and it became clear that he was coming apart.

I couldn't really do anything for him apart from be there for him. He dropped out of school at 14, moved on to heroin, became criminal to pay for the habit and eventually went to prison. Five times.

For me, he was still the son I loved, and it hurt me incredibly when I had to leave him in prison that first time. I felt helpless, a failure, because I couldn't sort things out for him.

Eventually, though, he came to the realization that there were reasons why he felt bad about himself, but that those reasons would always be there - we cannot re-write the past, we just have to learn how to live with it, to make peace with it.

He met a girl, had a daughter and his life then had a new meaning. He had left school at 14 with nothing, yet he has worked every single day apart from holidays since his daughter was born nearly 16 years ago. He now also has a son. Last year, after 17 years together, my son and his girlfriend got married - a simple wedding on a beach in Spain - and I was proud that he asked me to be his best man.

The proudest thing for me, though, is that he decided, once his own life was straightened out, that he would help others. He became a voluntary worker with the Probabtion Service, and befriended lads who were going the same road as him. He'd take them out, once a week to have a drink or play snooker, to be a listening ear for a kid in trouble. That made me so proud of him - his life had come full circle and I am proud to be his father.

The moral to my tale (which is true, I promise) is that it would have been possible for my son to have given up at any point along his journey but he chose not to. I hope you will think of my son, Ian, when you are feeling blue, and remember that things DO move on. It might seem sometimes that we keep coming back to the same "place" but in fact we're different as people every time we come back to where we think we've been before.

Be patient with yourself. Find the people who make you laugh and let them heal you. Listen with open heart.

I'll keep checking in on you, but I don't mean to be a nuisance.

 

I have major experience in depression and suicide. I too am a minor, and I would like to share some anti-depressants that have worked for me that really do help. Their are only three anti-depressants that have been approved for people under the age of eighteen, and I have taken two of them.

Selexa: Although I'm not sure if I used the proper spelling, I would recommend taking this because of its long back round and good publicity.

Prozac: I switched to Prozac because I was one-of-few that Selexa didn't help. I would only recommend taking this if Selexa didn't work because of the side-effects. The only side-effects that I experienced were trouble sleeping, since I took it before bed every night.

NOTE: Most people who take these medicines who do experience side effects usually say that the side-effects lessen over time.

I hope this helps. All of these medicines are prescription drugs, so you will have to talk with your doctor before you can begin taking them.

 

Thanks, but Mogget already sent me a message addressing this.

 

^ But we are talking to the OP here - and he can't see what someone may address with you in a PM

 

Hi Wellhidden,

I've just got back from a walk in the sunshine beside the river. The sun has a wonderful effect on your spirits.

Seeing as you have stated your location as Sydney, I guess you're in Winter now.

I get seasonal blues in the winter and years ago I bought myself one of those sunlight replacement lamps. I think they call is SAD - seasonal adjustive disorder.

I'm not suggesting for one moment that you're just missing a bit of sunshine BUT every little helps. Sunlight has an amazing effect on the brain and even sitting outside the house instead of inside will help increase the effect. The advice is no use at all in bad weather, of course, but it would be good from two points - it gets you out of your bedroom for a while AND it exposes you to a little more bright light.

Finally, I agree with the last two posters - you need to speak to your doctor. I think that you have probably already had some discussions as you are already receiving counselling BUT a school counsellor does not have the same qualifications or access to resources as an accreditted practitioner. Go to the doctor, be honest about how you feel (still feel) and EXPECT him to do something about it. It might be as simple as trying another medication as Hulu said - we are individuals and we all react slightly differently. My medication, which I have been taking for 4 years with no real side-effects - came with a leaflet with hundreds of POSSBLE side-effects. It does not mean you will get all or ANY of them. I'm lucky - occasionally I find it hard to get to sleep but I have strategies to deal with that.

If the GP is not able to offer much help, ask to be referred to a speciaist - it is your right to ask and he must react otherwise he is failing in his duty of care to you. If he seems reluctant, you might want to remind him of his duty of care - it usually shuts them up.

You have a right to be as happy as you possibly can but you have to take responsibility for that and DO something.

Tomorrow, first thing, call and make an appointment. Tell them it is urgent and DON'T let them fob you off with an appointment in two weeks. Be affirmative.

You have already started the road to recovery - you have recognized you have a problem and that first step is actually the hardest.

I'll check with you again tomorrow. (*hug*)

 

I've suffered from depression and I know its not something that's easy to deal with. Depression can make you feel like your powerless, useless, unwantable and just bad. Its something that affects many people and your not alone.
I would recommend meeting with a doctor. It took me years to meet with my doctor because I was embarrassed, until my friend asked me if i would be embarrassed to go to the doctor for the flu- and I realized she was right.

I recommend medication- and although some people are against it- someone else's experiences with medication should never affect your own because everybody has a different experience with it. My medicine didn't work my best friend, she had to try 3 different ones to see results. The body is a complex machine and it takes some time to manipulate sometimes.

Just remember that your not unnormal, your not strange or weird or bad for feeling this way. Life is difficult, and there's lots of support if you need it, especially here at EC

 

Hi WellHidden - Momma callin'!

How are you today? You didn't react to the last posts sent you, but I'm not going to read anything into that.

For the last few days, I've been exchanging "film news" with another member.

I started watching "Gay-themed" movies (as opposed to porn :***: ) a couple of years ago using torrents. I have always felt a bit "backward" as I didn't "come out" until I was 40 and I feel I missed out on a few of my stages of development.

Some of the films have left me angry about injustice or sad because things didn't work out but, on the whole, I've found it very "affirming" of my homosexuality. It's good to see homosexuals being portrayed as loving, caring people. Some of them too are even heart-warming and uplifting.

Do you have a film you could recommend to me?

Many years ago, when the earth was still flat, I enjoyed "My Beautiful Laundrette" very much as it's such a sweet love-story. I can't find it anywhere as a torrent, but I'll find it again and relive my vicarious youth!

Please - recommend a film to me and I'll do the same for you.

If you want to talk about being sad, that's OK but if you would just like to have a normal chat about ordinary things, don't feel that you have to focus only on your problems - I'd like to just be a(n older) friend and listen to whatever you want to talk about:

(*hug*) :help: :***: :bang: (!) :tantrum: :icon_sad: :icon_bigg

---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2012 at 12:22 PM ----------

You replied as I was typing my last post.

Can you not take medication without your parents knowing? I understand you not wanting to come out yet, but even straight people get depressed.

Keep the pills in your locker at school. Ask the cousellor to keep them for you. You have a right to patient confidentiality AND you can visit the doctor without your parents even knowing.

I think, though, that your parents already realize that you're not happy and ANY parent would want that situation to change.

Enough preaching!

Good luck with the exams - if you need any help. just hollah. Apart from being a boring old fart, I'm also a teacher (15 to 18year-olds mainly) and, provided it's not rocket science, I can help occasionally.

I'm here for you.

 

Thanks for the recommendation - I've got the film but I haven't watched it through yet.

I need to be in the right mood for a film like that - it gets me angry when there's violence on the basis of homophobia.

As to your grudge - I think we're all raised to give anything medical a wide berth - no-one goes in for surgery (usually) unless they have to, and I think it's just a guiding tenet that we avoid medicine unless we have to.

Do you watch gay-themed films?

I find some incredibly uplifting - others are best avoided until the mood is right!

Have a good day.(*hug*)

 

Hi there!

Following your recommendation, I watched Milk yesterday. I'd had the film a while, but I never felt like watching it, sort of because I knew the story a little and knew it would make me angry.

First of all, I wanted to say how amazing Sean Penn was in it. SP doesn't have those typical movie-star looks, but he's starred in a lot of high-profile movies and features in the world of the A-listers.

I'really dislike the Cult of Celebrity, so I haven't seen many of his movies - I've tended to dismiss him because he's "just a celebrity".

However, his performance was stunning and I found him completely believable as Harvey Milk. He really got into the character and brought Harvey Milk back to life.

I also thought the cinematography was fabulous - crisp, bright, full of light and shade, and the attention to detail in the script was excellent too. I loved the little things - like when they went away to the Castro and opened the camera shop. Harvey's long hair and a pony-tail, sitting on the stoop outside the shop kissing. I thought it added magic to a story which we know from the outset will be tragic.

Thank you for making me make the effort to watch it. It still left me sad, but grateful for people like Harvey Milk who stand up for what they believe in, even in the face of personal danger and violence.

I'm on holiday at the moment and that usually means I don't get to sleep so easily because of my medication. I mentioned strategies - one of them is to use the time profitably, so I watch films - usually a couple a night. I don't think of it as a struggle - it's just a routine. I can't read instead - once my contacts are out, I find it too much of a struggle to focus on print, but a film is good. About 15 minutes before I want to sleep, I take a quick-acting tranquilizer. It's not the usual approach - a doctor might normally prescribe sleeping pills - but they work for me, they are not addicitive and I have no side-effects - not even trouble waking up in the morning.

So.... Last night I also watched Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss (1998). Do you know it? It was light hearted and an unusual format which I found interesting.

Poster Boy - have you seen that? Also new to me until yesterday.

Sorry - I realize you're concentrating on your exams - I don't mean to pile you up with more crap, but you might have seen them already anyway.

I would be grateful for any other suggestions you have.

Have a good day. I'm thinking of you.

(*hug*)

 

How are you today?

I woke up this morninng and the sun was shining, I'm going to an island I love and I'm just so glad that we finally have a few days fine weather after weeks of rain. The farmers have brought the cows out too and I see them skipping and frolicking after being kept indoors for so long to avoid hoof-rot in the damp conditions.

Just give me a nod to let me know you're OK.(*hug*)