Explaining Lesbian Sex,

I keep being asked these kind of questions too, but honestly..I don't understand what is there that needs to be explained. I mean, they really have so limited imagination that they can't imagine sex without those "male parts"? I generally don't answer these questions, I admit that it is kind of embarassing for me too, so I just don't answer.
I probably didn't help you at all, but this is just my point of view.

 

It is frustrating and I don't get it, really it'd be better for them to Google it (if they genuinely don't know) because I have no idea what I should tell them .. but even when your close friends ask you..it is kind of personal question don't you think? And I suppose you don't ask them how exactly do they do it in bed, I think it's a similar situation.

 

In fact, gay people do everything straight people do in bed, except one thing. Which we mostly don't miss--we find our sex lives satisfying without that.

Just laugh at them, and tell them women have sex in lots of ways, and how YOU do it is none of their business.

Unless they're offering...

 

Actually, I think the biggest difference between straight sex and gay sex is that in gay sex there isn't any act that is presumed is going to happen. Gay couples negotiate based on what they want as individuals.

What your friends want to know is what stands in for PIV (penis-in-vagina sex) as "the" sex act for lesbians. Like, for straight people, PIV is the only "real" sex, and everything else is just pseudo-sex or foreplay or something. (This allows people who are very sexually experienced to go on considering themselves virgins. I think this may be the main reason.) But lesbians consider all sex acts to be legitimate and valid, and don't privilege any one act as "real" sex.

(This is, at least to some extent, true for at least some gay men as well, but they don't get the question as often because many people wrongly assume that all gay men consider anal sex to be their "real" sex act.)

As an example, lesbians usually consider cunnilingus to be "real sex," while straight people think of it as "just foreplay," or not as serious as "real" PIV sex. Straight people often think it's not real sex if there is no penis penetrating anyone.

 

I think that most straight people count the only 'real sex' as penetration, usually with a penis. So generally if I get asked I respond with " Well, you know there are a lot of other things you can put in a vagina other than a penis". It generally shuts up who ever was asking the question pretty quickly.

When it comes to friends I am pretty open with all my friends so I generally have no problems using words like oral sex, fingering, sex toys etc. around them so it makes it pretty easy to explain ways in which two women can have sex.

I think you just have to be pretty straight up about it then they realize what a stupid question it was in the first place.

 

A lesbian friend of mine told me that to her, all lesbian sex, except for when a toy is included, is not real sex, just preliminaries. That by definition, intercourse alone is real sex. Woa..

If I were asked this question I'd answer that lesbians can do EVERYTHING a straight couple can do and MORE. And I'd add that it's not like in porn. Now if they ask for details, say it's your private life and that it's kind of rude to ask; that if they really need to know they can work on their imagination a little bit.

 

To be honest, why are you even trying to explain lesbian sex to others who ask? Do you ask straight people to explain how they have sex with each other? And if you did, who those people you did ask, would they be quite open to tallking about their sex lives or would they be offended? Sometimes I get this question as well, altho its phrased more as 'so how do you as a trans personn have sex with someone if you hate your genitals?' And you know what? I get offended. In any other social context, it is both rude & insulting to ask a person about either their genitals or how they have sex or what they do in bed with their partner, yet for some reason, the straight majority feels that they have the right to know everything about how LGBT people have sex. And in truth, its no more their business than it is anyone's. My suggestion is that the next time someone asks you to explain how you have sex with another woman, you point out just how rude & inappropriate their question is &, were the shoe on the other foot, they would probably be offended if you were to have asked the same question. This is a very personal intimate act that isnt your responsibility to explain to others. And how you have sex with your female partner may not be the same way another woman may have sex with her female partner, so trying to 'explain' how you have sex may be taken by the ignorant person asking as how all women have sex with women. With all the screwed up sterotypes already floating around about same-sex couples, etc, its just one more thing someone may misinterpret really. My advice - dont let anyone force you to justify your sex life because frankly, its none of their gd business...

Sorry if my tone comes across as ticked, it annoys me that we as LGBT people get forced by society to answer this question as if it's our responsibility to completely educate every straight person who doesn't 'get it'. That's their issue, not ours, & I dont think its our place to always have to set the record straight, if youll excuse the expression...

 

Considering that this might be an awkward question, I would just turn it into something funny when somebody asks that. One thing that comes to mind would be "Dildo party!" Humor usually takes away the awkwardness, and answers their question.

 

why do you need to explain it? there is no one way for anyone to have sex. people have all kinds of sexual preferences and practices, regardless of their orientation.

 

:lol: I love this response... definitely throws the discomfort of it all back onto the one asking the questions... like, if you're really curious, google it, don't quiz your friends on their sex life!!! how anyone could think that's an acceptable line of questioning is beyond me...

unless it's someone you are really close with, that you maybe have already discussed sexuality with?

 

To most people that ask me this question I simple ask, "well are you thinking about having lesbian sex any time soon?" and unless they say yes I tell them that they really don't have any right or reason to ask me, and being an American, I have the right to not answer. I tell them I don't ask them whether their girlfriend gives bjs or what position they prefer, they shouldn't be asking me!

But when my friends and people i care about ask, i simply tell them that lesbian sex is different than same sex(and i usually include it is nothing like porn), and that the amazing thing about lesbian sex that heterosexual sex is lacking is that lesbian sex is over when the two are satisfied. I've never had sex with my girlfriend that ended in one of us not being satisfied, however with straight sex girls often go without finishing as long as the man has physically finished. Lesbian sex is anything the girls consider to be sex, and that's that ;p

 

I usually say " use your imagination" I am sure you can figure it out on your own. That usually shuts them up.