Did you love anyone of the opposite sex before you accepted yourself as LGBT ?

[Olls91]

So i was wondering my thoughts and feeling have been confused lately. I swear i feel the best when intimate with a guy yet in the past i have loved women. Just when i kissed them something was missing. Kissing guys feels natural.So what i ask is has anyone LGBT found they have loved the opposite sex only to find they are actually gay / lesbian in an act of intimacy?

[Bobbgooduk]

Olls - I've posted elsewhere that I've been married twice to women and I have a lot of female friends.

That said, I'm like you in that the "spark" is not there when I kiss a woman - it's purely the sexual spark because I loved my wives as people AND enjoyed making them happy sexually - it just didn't do the same for me.

[Owen]

I feel in love with a girl after I had accepted that I was gay. Trust me, sexual attraction and romantic attraction are by no means always matched.

[Olls91]

Cheers guys it is sooo confusing at the moment i feel i am making these same sex feelings up in my head. But that is not possible to the extent i have felt when intimate with a man is it ?

---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2012 at 02:56 PM ----------

My situation is no where near as complicated as being married to a woman and gay, but still i don't want to get with a girl and feel that missing thing. I had it with my ex girlfriend even used to talk about how i was worried i was gay / bi during sex and gay sex acts. So messed up why do i click with guys when intimate and not so with women so far? I mean its been nice when kissed by girls in that being kissed is nice in itself but being kissed by guys i feel like i could melt into them ha soppy i know. x

[Bobbgooduk]

Life is not balck and white.

I think we're educated to believe that every question MUST have an answer. Buddhism teaches that there are Ultimate Questions - questions which have no answer and are therefore best not asked. You could say that it's just dodging the issue, but if it gives you peace of mind, why not.

IMHO you are expecting too much of yourself too soon. You want to put yourself in a little box and give yourself a label. You have to accept that sometimes, we could be put into more than one box and given more than one label. One size really doesn't fit all.

With my wives, I was "happy" but unfulfilled. I now have a male partner and I am more happy and more fulfilled (nothing's perfect!). You should give yourself time to explore yourself and your psyche. Save boxing and labelling until it's necessary (if ever!)

[Olls91]

cheers Bobbgood , it is definitely something to think about yer i guess only thing that one size fits all in sexuality is condoms (well for men) but you get the pun. I'm a bit ocd about knowing these things. This forum is really helping to put things in to perspective and i know i'm not alone . Cheers guys x

[justinf]

Up until last January I had a girlfriend whom I really really loved, and still love. It ended because of my confusion over my sexuality.
I was fooling myself into believing we could be perfectly happy together, and the other feelings would just go away. Obviously they didn't. It killed me that I hurt her by acting like a complete jerk; giving lots of attention and affection one moment, completely ignoring her and being moody the other..
By the time she broke up with me because she knew I was hiding something from her, something that I just couldn't tell her, I realized it was for the best.
I'm sorry that I hurt her, but I'm not sorry that things ended. They had to. I just hope one day I can bring myself to come out to her and explain everything, because she deserves that, and so she'll know it had nothing to do with her.

[Olls91]

I was very affectionate with my ex gf , but i'd try to be romantic because i felt something was missing. Life is confusing eh ha ha xx

[VelvetBlade]

Let's see now... I've been in numerous heterosexual relationships but most of them lasted only about 7 months... Last one (ended 2½ years ago) only lasted 5 months...

I was in love with them yes. And I loved the idea of them, yes. But there was just always that something missing. I can't say I've ever had that "true love" feeling. Maybe I just haven't met the right man yet to really give me butterflies in my stomach and make my knees go weak everytime I'm with him. BUT I've also had a girlfriend once and boy, that was awesome. Everytime I saw her, I didn't see anybody else around us, it was like the world stood still for a moment. She cheated on me though so it didn't last very long.

I'm leaning more towards women at the moment, but I'm romantically still attracted to men. Sexually... I don't think I'll easily let a man get that close to me again. At first I thought it's because I'm really a lesbian in denial but since I'm still romantically attracted to men that makes me bi. At least in my books, and I'm happy with it

[pinklov3ly]

Yes, I have and I used them to hide who I really was/am. I have kids, but we never married because I'm gay, which hurts because I would love to get married. I was just thinking about it the other day because I just turned 26. I'm the only gay sister and I have three sisters and we tend to talk about marriage a lot. I know that I can still get married once gay marriage becomes legal in my state. But I've always known that I liked girls, especially growing up. I had crushes on girls during my elementary years, hardly ever boys. I had a very difficult time accepting myself. I like men, but not romantically or sexually. Denial is such a nasty thing and I just gave myself a really hard time. I've loved 2 men, one guy while I was questioning and the other one is the father of my boys. He knows about me and we still see each other and get along well. I loved them, but never really in love and I know what love feels like. I never get the feeling I get when I see an attractive girl when it comes to men. Something was/is missing, but I enjoy hanging with guys, we have a lot in common. However, I am still open to the idea of falling in love again perhaps with a guy because I'm a biromantic lesbian. But then again, sexuality is so fluid, but I've kinda come to the conclusion that only a woman has the key to my heart.

Yes.

[oblina]

I recently left a heterosexual relationship with a man I loved but couldn't make it work with. When I fell for a wonderful woman at my college I was stuck with the question , who do I love more? And because of my overwhelming attraction to women and the fact I had forced myself into a heterosexual relationship in the first place the decision was one that was clear to me- I had to be with the girl who is now my girlfriend.

Now my ex(who I still live with in separate rooms) asks me "did you ever love me?" and still insists I am the love of his life.

My point is it is possible to love people that aren't your within your sexual orientation. I loved him, just not sexually. When i met someone who satisfied every part of me I realized its totally possible to love someone you don't necessarily want sexually.

[Olls91]

yer i really dono what i am at the moment all over
the place hence changing the orientation label on here

glad you are finally truly happy though x

[JillandJill]

Nope.
I had relationships but nothing remotely close to love.

[Rarar]

I think I had what's called 'platonic' love with one of my friends, who's a girl. She's actually the first person I came out to, ironically.

[timo]

No relationships, but I did have feelings for some girls. Looking back I believe I wasn't actually in love with these girls, but more so tricking myself into thinking I loved them to prove to myself I wasn't gay.

[rx79g]

I'm so in the same place questioning wise as you, and I've wondered this a lot. Looking back there was one girl that I really liked. It was in 6th grade and I even imagined marrying her. We never did anything physical at all, even holding hands, but even when I thought I was completely in love with her I had fantasies about guys. At the time they were physical but then they turned romantic too.

My point is yes I think it's possible. Anyone can love anyone in any number of ways. Orientation is like the best possible scenario. You could be gay and find a great woman you truly love, but it wouldn't be as good as the exact same person but as a guy. Idk if that quite makes sense. I think another important thing to remember is that it foesn matter who you have loved in the past, just who you love now. If you find someone you love, don't hesitate, regardless of gender.

[kitsune309]

I don't know if I'd say I loved him, but I did have romantic feelings for a boy once. I sort of consider that kissing practice. XD

[AshenAngel]

I thought I knew what love was when I had a boyfriend. But now I know how wrong I was- There's something between my girlfriend and I that's just so special. I've never been more in love than I am now<3