A friend asked me if i'm gay...

Well, he already did say that he would only have a problem if you try to make a move on him. I suppose that happening would make any straight person uncomfortable.

Coming out at your own pace is very important, and that's why some people tend to freak out or automatically deny it when asked. Just take your time and he may even ask again. Maybe even bringing up the topic again will help.

 

Well I've come out to the majority of my close friends and none of them thought I was hitting on them. if and when you decide to tell him just make it clear to him that you're not making a move and that you're just trying to get the information off your chest. If he's cool with it, he'll totally understand.

 

I think a ton of straight guys say things exactly like this before they actually know any gay guys.

Yes, every gay guy is interested in every straight guy, just like every straight guy is interested in every girl. :rolle: If you come out to him and he asks you that, just explain that to him.

 

Hi! I can remember when I asked my friend to guess what I had wanted to tell her, during our vacation in a different state. I was so afraid to tell her that I liked girls, but she eventually figured it out and we kissed that same night. Little did I know, she liked girls too, which was awesome. We slept in the same room, but different beds. I was afraid of her reaction, but everything went smoothly; I had just 18, which is funny because I just turned 26. Anywho, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that, a true friend will not bail on you or treat you any different. You weren't ready, which is fine, tell him when you are ready. These things take time, it's not a race. I really dislike how straight people automatically think you're going to hit on them because you are attracted to the same sex. Make sure you tell him, he's not your type unless he is lol.

 

Oh I totally get what you are talking about. I recently came out to a close friend and I felt so stupid because I couldn't even say the words. I said "I'm not straight." I felt like an idiot. She was just like, B---- you are gay. It is okay to say that. It isn't some kind of disease." I think it all the time but saying that and puting myself in that category... it is hard to do.

I have yet to come out to a guy. Although I am seriously worried about telling one guy friend just because we do sometimes work out together and I don't want him to think I check him out. The more I think of it, the more I think that I'm not worried about him thinking I am attracted to him. I think the real issue with me and guys is more of the "you are gay so you aren't one of the guys" type of things. I don't want to be lumped in with girls, thought of as inferior or treated as if I am less of a man for it.

 

Gods! You've got more courage than me! When people ask me if I'm gay my first reaction is to be offend and basically scare them away from the question. There's a bit of a socialization to that part of me, but I'm trying to fix it. Baby steps. Well maybe slug steps is more appropriate. As to the "checking them out" that is my number two fear, because I guess the thought that pops into a guy's head "is are they telling me this for a reason or just because?" Often they prefer to assume the former over the latter.

 

I understand why you feel that way. At the same time, I found that sentence somewhat depressing as a woman and a feminist. Not the fact that you don't want to be lumped in with girls, but that it's equated to being inferior.

speedracing22, one way to come out to someone and make sure they don't think you are hitting on them is to tell them about someone else you are interested in.

 

At my age, people don't tend to suspect that I'm hitting on them - far too over the hill to be any serious danger.

However, I do remember the days of being annoyed when straight guys immediately suspected you wanted to nail them. I mean, yeah but only with a brown paper bag over your head!

Another friend, now sadly dead as the result of a homophobic attack, used to enjoy winding the straights up while secretly thinking "Not until Hell freezes over" but I ws never interested in tormenting - it's better to leave people with their safe-zone.

I think your friend "knows" but is just making sure about you. If he were worried, I think he'd have kept his distance. He's given you the opportunity to tell him and, provided you don't start acting weird with him, he'll be OK with it. He obviously like you are a person and wants to get to know you better - as a friend.

Trust him, as a friend.

 

It sounds like a pretty successful coming out, all things considered. Granted, you said bi instead of gay; but, hell....labels suck anyhow. Your friend knows you're not straight and seems to be pretty ok with it based on your post.

 

I totally agree that when you tell a straight guy friend that they might think you "like" them or have "feelings" for them.

So after I told one of my close straight friends I straight up asked him if he was ever afraid of me feeling that way or if it was super awkward when I came out to him because he might've thought that.

He told me that he isn't into every single girl on the street and definitely isn't into every single girl in our group of friends so why should he think I would be into him.

So that was his answer and it was so reassuring, maybe he said it at the moment to avoid awkwardness, maybe he didn't completely mean that. But I believe he did as it makes sense doesn't it really!

Anyway at least you didn't outright say you weren't gay to your friend, so you didn't completely lie in that way! . Come out at your own pace as others said, when your ready you'll know & you won't be able to wait to tell others!!

 

Almost everyone that I have come out to are girls, and I don't feel like they think I am checking them out. Of course except for one of them, I treat them all like family anyways so I don't even think of them like that.

I also understand your feeling of stupidity, back a while ago my friend and I were talking and she was saying how she didn't know any gay people. I was debating about saying, me. But instead I just said they are probably still in the closet. And then last summer a girl came out as bi and I should have said I was too, because at that time I thought I was bi and hadn't really thought about my sexuality all that much. If I had come out then, I feel like my life would be a lot different now.