I'm not sure if this is the right reason to come out, but there is a gay that I'm very interested in and slowly falling for. He's the guy that I've been talking about in my "Beginning a Relationship" thread. He's totally out and I feel that I should at least do the same (or close to as possible) in order to build a better relationship. I've known that I've been gay since I was very young, and I've been in the closet for my entire life. I came out to my best friend and just recently, another close friend. Here's my question: Should I continue on the path that I am now, telling carefully selected individuals in order to build a safety net? Or should I just stick with the two friends that I've told, use them as safety nets and just push the big red button and come out to everyone on say Facebook? Am I doing the right thing just make my relationship with a guy that much better? Does anyone have any tips or might anyone have a better idea or process to follow? I can't come out family due to a negative past concerning the issue. They're the remaining 2%.
There's nothing wrong with fully coming out right now if you want to. But it should be because you want to be out. If it's just to build a closer relationship, but you'll later regret everyone knowing, then don't do it. But if you want people to know, then go ahead. Do what's best for you. But if your relationship with the guy improves, then that's a plus! :icon_bigg
Always always always take into concern your financial stability regarding family. You're 24? Maybe this isn't an issue, but it is for this 22 year old. Just because you don't tell your family doesn't mean they won't find out. That said, coming out is your thing. You want to do it? Go for it. You want to do it for a guy? Do it, as long as you're ready on top of that.
I can see that you might want to push that big red button, after the years of keeping in the closet. Take a deep breath, breathe. Think about the consequences and if you are prepared for them for your "Big red button". I cannot tell what to do, Just step back and trust yourself. If you think the guy will respond well I think you should tell maybe just him for now? And then he could be one of your safety net people? Just a thought. Again, it's all up to you and I hope my input helps a little. Best of luck!
Okay, I think it's insanely cute how you were already dating that guy for so long and didn't know. I think you should talk this over with him. I'm all for you being out if you're ready for that, but it doesn't need to be all at once. I think it might be good to take it one person at a time for a little while, so that you can get more comfortable. There is no evidence in what you said that your boyfriend is pushing you to be out. (And, yes, I think he is your boyfriend, when he asked you if you were "talking to" anyone else, that was because he didn't want you to be. Do you want him to be seeing anyone else? No. So, you both want exclusivity. Sounds like a relationship to me.) If you are worried about how you being in the closet will affect the relationship, concentrate on addressing the problem where it will actually impact the relationship. Come out to people who might potentially see you together, and try to be more comfortable with being seen as "together" in public. Consider coming out in any situation where you have to actively hide your relationship (as opposed to just passively not telling someone about it). Eventually, I think it's best for you to be as out as possible, but it makes sense to start by coming out where it will have the most effect on your life.
To be honest, I've gotten very comfortable being in the closet to the point where it is becoming (at least in my own opinion) mentally unhealthy. Part of me wants to come out, but the other part of me just doesn't want to deal with the reactions I'll get, good or bad. I dread the moment(s) when I might/might not lose friends, the "I knew it!"'s, the "OMG's", the looks of disgust, etc. I could go on, but I think you understand. I don't want to be bothered about it by people. I don't want people to ask me awkward questions. I've often felt that this is a personal matter and that it really isn't anyone's business. That is what I fear. I do want to be free of these shackles, but it is hard. I want to be able to bring my (hopefully soon to be) official boyfriend with me when I spend time with my friends. I don't want him to be a secret. I know I have the right attitude about this, I'm just afraid of going threw with it. Financially, I'm almost there. I'm very close to the point in which I won't have to depend on my family for financial support. I will be living on my own by the end of next month with apartment keys in hand by next week. Again, I can't tell/won't be telling my family anytime soon. That simply isn't an option right now. He doesn't know at the moment as for as I know. I guess he might suspect as much, but hasn't mentioned anything. Here's the thing. I'm really comfortable around him so I have no concern being around him in public, but that's probably because I'm never around my usual social circle with him. I plan to introduce him to the two friends I've come out too in order to get things going. In fact, I had planned to sit all of us down so we could brainstorm the situation and figure out how to approach it. I WANT to come out, I just need to get over my fears. This made my smile a big goofy smile. I'm really really happy to be dating him. He hasn't made it official yet, but at least I know for sure he likes me, is interested and has been dating me for a while now even though I was oblivious to that fact Haha! It really was funny when he told me. As I mentioned above, I think I might sit him down with the two friends I have come out to so we can figure out what to do and how to tell my inner circle of friends. These are people I've known for more than 11 years, so I am hoping to see good results. Do you think this is a good idea?
