Still scared of my parents..

[CrucioPureblood]

Is it just me that has trouble talking to my parents? :/ I really feel awful about it. I always want to go and tell them things, or ask them something, but I'm just too scared. Like, I'd want to ask my mother to make an appointment for me to see a doctor, then I tell myself I will, I go to her, knowing what I want to say, but I can never say it. I'll just be sat there, dying to say something, but not having the courage. It's really starting to annoy me now too. I end up feeling worse because I'm so scared, but it doesn't seem to matter. I can want something so bad, not bring myself to talk about it, and then feel like crap because I didn't. I just don't know what to do anymore. How do I have the guts to just say things to my mother without her forcing them out of me?

[Bobbgooduk]

Hello there!

First of all, the relationship is between you and your doctor, not your mum and your doctor.

You are perfectly free to make an appointment for yourself, to see the doctor privately and he IS NOT ALLOWED to discuss anything with your parents or even let them know you've seen him.

You are old enough at 14 to call the doctor if you need to make an appointment and to get yourself there

I don't know why you want to see the doctor, but he would get into serious trouble if he broke confidentiality with you as his patient.

He can also refer you to other agencies if you need counselling or advice.

If it was something serious, say that needed surgery, I think he would want and expect you to discuss this with your parents as they have to have consent before they can do surgery. Until you're 18, your parents have to sign (I believe).

I had a terrible time when I was your age and found it very frustrating to express myself to my Dad (my mum left home when I was 10) and sometimes it would take me hours of beating around the bush until I got to the point. Looking back, it was always such small things that I seemed to get myself worked up about, but they didn't seem small at the time.

My advice to you, given the difficulty you experience, is to take things a little more into your own hands - in 4 years you will be responsible for yourself anyway so the sooner your start, the better.

[CrucioPureblood]

It's not just the thig with the doctor though, I just used that as an example. I can't talk about anything at all with my mother, because I do just get so scared. And I won't call the doctor myself either because I'm too sacred. I just hate it, I feel so stupid and helpless, and it's like there's nothing I can do to change it.

[Bobbgooduk]

I think you're scared because you're not "in control". I don't mean I thin you're a control freak, but you're scared because you feel helpless because you're scared to talk to your mum.

That's really why I thin you should try (start with small things) to take some decisions for yourself. Once you have the confidence to take certain decisions independently, your feeling of being in control will grow.

Are there somethings you can decide for yourself? Go into town on Saturday with a mate or go to the cinema? Get a Saturday job?

Honestly, a lot of people find their parents difficult to talk to, especially teenagers - growing away from your parents is part of the process - you take less notice of them and more notice of your peer group, then you grow onto independence, then you take responsibility for others (children usually, but it could be a partner)

Have you seen the film "Kevin and Perry Go Large"? Of course it's a comedy, and I don't want to suggest that your feelings about your life are funny, but you can see that your feelings about being "apart" from your parents are not that unusual, so don't start thinking there's anything odd about you in that respect.

My confidence didn't come until I left school for 6th Form College, and then when I moved out of home to live in London as a student, then I really found my feet.

Keep in touch if you would like. I think it's enormously brave of you to get things off your chest here, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who recognizes something of ourselves in you.

---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2012 at 06:35 PM ----------

Sorry - I have toast crumbs in my keyboard and some of the letters haven't come out!