please help i am under a lot of stress and I just want to be free. i am confused, i never had a chance to be with a girl and i have been with guys but after every encounter, let it be sexual or non sexual , i feel guilty. i spend sleepless night thinking about the future. i come from a very conservative indian family and my parent aren't educated enough. so i feel like even if i come out they wont accept me for who i am and all my relatives will treat me as a joke. please help me
Ok…breath. Nice and slow. Before you worry about coming out to anyone else you need to deal with coming out to yourself. You feel guilty after sex with a man, that is what you need to address first. You can’t come out others until you’ve accepted your homosexuality with yourself, well I guess you can but I think it might be easier.
Traditional families are difficult! There are some people on here with a Hindu background who might be able to help you with the feelings of guilt, but I can tell you of a gay Indian guy I knew in West London (Southall). He married to please his family but it only lasted 15 months and the divorce was unpleasant for the families AND the couple. He moved back home and was the "disgraced" son. If he had been able to be honest, he would have saved both families a lot of embarrassment and sadness, but the pressure put on him was intense. I think you know that you will probably have to make a difficult decision. There is no easy way out of it. You'll have to balance what you want for yourself against your family's expectations. For me, there is only one answer. If my family were difficult, I would move away and live my life out of their view. Ultimately you have to be true to yourself, you are only responsible for yourself and you have a duty to yourself first and foremost. My experience (I was such a slut!) is that there a lot of Indian men trapped within the lives designated by their culture. You have to decide if you want to live a lie for the sake of others who don't actually have to feature so prominently in your life, or do you keep yourself happy, given that you spend all of your time with yourself. Good luck.(*hug*)
We all feel like we're losing it on occasion. Sleep on it and think some more tomorrow. I am sure there are support groups for gay Indians in the UK.
before being judgmental you should read that I am still questioning my sexuality and I am confused be cause i feel attraction toward women too and want a wife and kids someday in my future but recently my world has been turned upside down because of certain self revelations that i had reading Ricky martin's memoir ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2012 at 01:47 AM ---------- i don't live in UK i live in India and homosexuality is still a stigma here, If I was in a UK/USA or any other liberal countries I would not be in pile of pressure I am in. I am trying to get to the states for a while on study basis then take in the atmosphere and decide what I am gonna do with my life, but I am having a hard time getting visa. and ultimately I just want to be happy and free of worries
I wasn't being judgemental, but I did make assumptions, so I am sorry. I was speaking about the UK because I used to live there. I'm sure you can get into contact with them via email in order to ask advice or to discuss your situation. Good luck!
IndianDost : Friendship Online | Friendship Love | Girls Friendship Networks | Career | Education | Job | Friends Helpline |Join FREE Friends Network India The Student Room Hi there! Hope you're not still angry with me for making assumptions. No offence was intended. Although you are questioning, your questions need answers if you are not to continue to feel desperate and unhappy. I found these two websites which I think you might find useful. The first is a gay site, but there will be people like you there with questions and hopefully someone with a few answers. The second site is a student site and there is info there for Indian students - I know the circumstances in India itself are different, but some of the cultural pressures with be something the UK Indians will relate to. I hope you find some answers. I'm not Indian, but I had questions too when I was younger - still do in some respects - and it's very easy to feel you are the only one feeling that way. Keep in touch and talk to me more if you want to get things off your chest.(*hug*)
