Hello, this is my first post here, and having read many of the threads I hope someone will be able to help me think a bit more clearly about my sexuality. I am 29 years old, and have never had a girlfriend, or indeed had any interest from a girl whatsoever. At school and growing up I was always quite shy around new people. I don't remember having a crush on anyone growing up. Since my teens, my fantasies have mainly involved me being submissive in a variety of ways. More recently, my fantasies normally involve me being submissive to men. This makes me think I might be gay, but it could just be an extreme version of my fantasies. Or I could just be in denial. I really don't know. Its not as easy as asking who I am sexually attracted to. I don't remember being aroused when seeing any man or woman out in public. Maybe the lack of any interaction with girls has meant I don't react in a normal way. I often catch myself staring at good looking men, in what I always used to assume was envy of their looks and the fact that they could get female attention, but maybe its not envy? I have had these questions running through my head for a good while now, but a random conversation with my best mate forced the issue. We were asking questions to each other alternately, when out of nowhere he said, "Have you ever thought you might be gay?" He knows about my lack of experience, and knows me better than anyone, so I thought he might be suspecting something. So I told him, "sometimes". It turns out he didn't suspect anything and just randomly asked it! That night and the following couple I told him pretty much all the stuff have said here. It was good to finally have told someone what has been going on in my head, and he has been very supportive. Not just saying the 'right' things, but treating me exactly the same ever since. Since then I have started looking online for advice and other people with similar issues, and found this place. I don't expect to find all the answers straight away, but I really feel like once I can stop being confused I can start to feel better about myself. Anyway, thanks for listening to my ramble!
I don't normally like to bump threads, but I would be grateful if anyone could offer their thoughts. Some days I think I am gay, and others I think that my lack of experience could be making me think of excuses why I haven't had a girlfriend. Part of me almost wants to be gay just so I'm not confused anymore, but then I feel ashamed that I feel that way. I just want to figure out who I am.
Using your lack of experience (amongst other things) is probably a form of denial. Sure, it could be the case that because you haven't dated women it's affecting all this, but it's much more likely that it isn't. If I had to guess, I'd say you're gay. Or at the very least you like guys. Let me put it this way: if you aren't attracted to women in any way, then that rules out straight and bi (if you're looking for a label, that is). Only you can answer who you're really sexually attracted to. If you're noticing guys on the street and having fantasies about guys, then it's likely you're attracted to them. It's possible you just have a lower sex drive or something. Have you tried looking at porn? If so, do you usually look at the guy or the girl? Does gay porn do anything for you? The most important advice I can give is to not worry about anything else: just figure out what you are first. The other pieces by comparison are much smaller and will sort themselves out eventually. And in case it comes up, no, you don't need to have had a girlfriend to know you don't want one. I've never dated before either (hell, I've never so much as kissed anyone) and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm gay and very much want a boyfriend. And welcome to EC!
Thanks for replying! This forum seems to be the most caring place I have seen. Sometimes I will see a guy in the street, and I catch myself watching them. This has been happening more often recently. For a long time I have been looking at porn where I imagine myself to be the submissive one. Recently I tend to only look at gay porn, and I get aroused. I think you are right in that its pretty obvious I'm not straight, I just need to know for sure whether I can be attracted to girls or not.
Great news that your friend has been so kind! I'm not sure that is WAS such a random question - it's not the sort of question I'd come up with even in jest - but, he has reacted well and I think you are so fortunate to have him listen and not judge. There is no law which says you have to do ANYTHING - if you are not interested, then does it matter? However - why not live out a fantasy or two - just be careful that you don't get yourself into dangerous situations if you're going to experiment with submission. You know, you're at an age when most people will leave you in peace - you can ignore questions from family, and it's no-one else's business - you are a full-fledged adult. I wish you luck - look after your friend and be "normal" with him too.:smilewave
I think you're gay but not wanting to acknowledge it or in denial. You are attracted to guys, you watch them in the street and you get aroused to gay porn. You also don't find women attractive = gay ^^ What you said about "but then I feel ashamed that I feel that way" is the main obstacle that you need to deal with. Its completely normal to be gay. Learn to love yourself and embrace your orientation because it is very easy to fall into depression. Stay strong! (*hug*)
I see big muscly leatherbound doms in your future. My best advice when trying to determine your sexuality is to start with the assumption of non-interest and make all attractions prove themselves with evidence. There seems to be some evidence that you like men. There is no real evidence that you like women. It's never possible to prove that you will never be attracted to an entire category of people at any time in the future. But all the information you have so far, that you have presented here, suggests that you are gay. And submissive. It's best to accept it, so that you can go out and get what you want.
Thanks for all the advice. I have been living with the possibility I might be gay for quite a while, but it was something I shoved to the back of my mind. I was almost glad when he asked me that, as I then had someone to tell my thoughts to. I have probably been clinging on to any hope that I might one day have an attraction to a woman. I am pretty much out to my friend, and although sexuality is never 'final', I just couldn't bring myself to admit that I am gay. Not sure where I go from here. I feel like if I ever want a relationship I would need to be out. I don't think I am ready for that yet. You are absolutely right that it is something to be careful with, I don't feel like I am the sort of person who would just wanna hook up, I would need to trust someone before I put myself in that position. Not sure if I would be into the heavy stuff and big muscly leatherbound men do nothing for me! :lol:
