Sorry for the length of this, but I feel there is a lot to explain. I am 27 and just realized on July 1, 2012 that I am a lesbian. I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship with a man (who was and still is my best friend). When I came out to him he wasn't that surprised, he knows me better than anyone. We were living together and had been talking about marriage. Ever since I was a little girl I had planted in my head that traditional wedding, I can remember trying so hard to want that, and be the little girl my parents wanted me to be. Eventually I had convinced myself that was right. That the funny feelings I had towards girls were just something you keep to yourself. Anyways, my now ex stayed with me for a few weeks to help me adjust, accept, and come out to my first round of closest friends and my siblings. My most recent ex had taught me to be more myself, I feel this helped me come to my conclusion. When I realized that I was a lesbian, I was ready to come out. I am ready to be me for the first time in my 27 years. I am so grateful that he stayed and helped me. I know that it was not easy. He moved yesterday. Out of town. I took him. This was the hardest day to date. I know that we can't be together, but that doesn't change the fact that we were together for 3 years and I love him. He is my best friend as I said. Before I realized, I was ready to marry him. It was a day of terribly conflicting feelings. The joy of knowing that I will now be able to be in a relationship where I am completely happy, completely myself. The sadness of seeing my best friend go. My rock. My everything. He had been nothing but supportive and now I am alone. Before he left I was doing very well. Feeling ready to start meeting women, maybe even a couple dates. He even stirred some interest from a few women he knows. I really don't know how he does it. He just says he wants me to be happy. Now that he is gone, I still want to do that, but right now I just feel so empty. We will still talk, at least for now. I am afraid that at some point he will stop talking to me. He assures me this won't happen. Now I am filled with doubt. Am I coming out too fast? Am I rushing trying to date? Am I going to be ok? Will I find love? I don't really know what I am asking. I just felt that I needed to get this out. No one I know has any idea what I am going through. Any advice I guess?
It's obvious you're going to feel a bit lonely and confused. You have been very lucky to have a friend like him - what a good-hearted human being he is, and you appreciate what he has done for you AND you are probably wondering whether you have made the right decision to let him go. He is really special, but he also has a right to find what is good for him. I'm sure you can keep in touch by phone or skype, but I think it's important that you try not to be on your own too much - get out and be busy - I know from experience that it is the being alone which is the hardest thing, not just the emotional turmoil. Your friends will understand - call them, visit them, chill and watch TV - it's what got me through 15 months of loneliness and I am eternally grateful to them for doing it and not making a big deal out of it. Just try not to spend too much time on your own brooding - the only way now is forward. (*hug*)
Ever peel a bandage off real, real slow? Ever dip a toe in cold water, then your whole foot, then your leg? Sometimes the slow way isn't the best. Congratulations. You just ripped your bandage off. Being a lesbian isn't the only thing in your life. Concentrate on work, keeping yourself fit and healthy and the lesbian part will come along at its own pace.
It's going to be hard as you transition from being with him, living a straight lifestyle to finally living a lesbian lifestyle. I can remember being so nervous kissing my first girl in public, however the kiss overshadowed any fear that I had had. It's going to take a while to adjust having him in your life still only as a friend. You did the right thing, even though I know it had to be heartbreaking. I'm 26, I have kids, I am a lesbian and things couldn't be any better. I tried to conform, but it did not work. I often try to think positive, which helps a lot. Keep yourself busy and embrace who you are
There is only thing I know for sure and thats you are going to be ok. Its going to be an up and down time whilst you adjust to the changes. I found when I was first coming out, sometimes I would feel good about everything and excited and then sometimes I would seem to take a few steps backwards and be terrified. The advice I would give is to take one day at a time and do what you feel like you want to do. If you want to try and meet other girls go for it, if you dont take it easy. Its not too fast if it feels right to you.
