Where is this going? What do I do? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

thinkpink · 24th Jul 2012, 03:25 PM

I have been dating a girl I started talking to online 6 months ago for about a month now. After a few jitters beforehand we met, everything was great and we have seen each other a lot since. But she has changed. Some days she is fine other days she is mean and doesn't turn up for our plans. I know she has suffered from bouts of depression and god knows, I get it, I have depression myself and I'm sure this is the issue, I won't walk away. She begs me not to leave her then accuses me of wanting to because she isn't ready for sex yet: I know she's a virgin, I respect that. We are supposed to have plans Friday. She hasn't even confirmed. I am currently in remission from an illness I have been told will come back at any time, she doesn't seem to get my wanting to spend this time with her and not wasting healthy time. My loved ones are worried about what the stress will do to both my physical and mental health. But I love her: I want to help her. We've spoken daily for 6 months. What can I do? Thanks for reading, advice would be much appreciated

silverhalo · 24th Jul 2012, 03:29 PM

How often do you manage to see each other? How often does she not meet up? Does she let you know she isnt coming or does she just not show? How does she explain herself?

thinkpink · 24th Jul 2012, 03:37 PM

We have met about 4 times, she cancelled on me twice and just randomly didn't turn up once, she explains herself as "in a strange mood". It's hard because I do love her, although we were just mates for a while, I was with someone but after that ended we admitted we felt more, that was 4 months ago, any advice?

pinklov3ly · 24th Jul 2012, 05:14 PM

Is she newly out of the closet? She could be afraid, very afraid; I dated a girl years ago, but I was so scared that I let her go. I couldn't accept myself being gay, perhaps, telling her how you feel will help. She needs to know how her behavior is affecting you especially since you love her.

thinkpink · 24th Jul 2012, 05:37 PM

She isn't out to her family yet, I think you may be right but that's what I'm afraid of too, that she isn't ready to be with me.

thinkpink · 31st Jul 2012, 09:08 AM

I found out what is wrong with her, it's her depression. I knew she'd lost some weight but when I saw her Friday I calculated it was at least a stone. She was pale, withdrawn, it affected the way she walked and talked. She wasn't wearing make up and it had clearly been ages since she washed her hair. There were self harm marks all over her arms and I think she made herself sick at the restaurant (I think this because I am a recovering bulimic and know the signs) I told her I still want to be there for her, even if it's just as a friend but she says she doesn't care if I am or if she ever sees anyone again. She is obsessed with her uni mental support worker and only smiles when she talks about her. I heard she went to a party but she says she spent most of it out of the way. I said that even if she doesn't know if she wants it, I want to try and support her, but it is hard. I have been where she is and never want to go back, it is bad for my mental health, took an hr to eat a meal after I saw her actions at dinner. But I care about her. Today she text to say she missed me. She barely goes out anymore. Can't tell her family because they don't know she likes women. Does anyone have a clue what I should do? I feel desperate.

24th Jul 2012, 03:25 PM	#1
thinkpink Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 98 Join Date: Oct 2011	Where is this going? What do I do? I have been dating a girl I started talking to online 6 months ago for about a month now. After a few jitters beforehand we met, everything was great and we have seen each other a lot since. But she has changed. Some days she is fine other days she is mean and doesn't turn up for our plans. I know she has suffered from bouts of depression and god knows, I get it, I have depression myself and I'm sure this is the issue, I won't walk away. She begs me not to leave her then accuses me of wanting to because she isn't ready for sex yet: I know she's a virgin, I respect that. We are supposed to have plans Friday. She hasn't even confirmed. I am currently in remission from an illness I have been told will come back at any time, she doesn't seem to get my wanting to spend this time with her and not wasting healthy time. My loved ones are worried about what the stress will do to both my physical and mental health. But I love her: I want to help her. We've spoken daily for 6 months. What can I do? Thanks for reading, advice would be much appreciated __________________ "If God had wished me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise" - Johann von Goethe

24th Jul 2012, 03:29 PM	#2
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 30 Posts: 4,218 Join Date: Dec 2008 Tournaments Won: 21	Re: Where is this going? What do I do? How often do you manage to see each other? How often does she not meet up? Does she let you know she isnt coming or does she just not show? How does she explain herself?

24th Jul 2012, 03:37 PM	#3
thinkpink Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 98 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Where is this going? What do I do? We have met about 4 times, she cancelled on me twice and just randomly didn't turn up once, she explains herself as "in a strange mood". It's hard because I do love her, although we were just mates for a while, I was with someone but after that ended we admitted we felt more, that was 4 months ago, any advice? __________________ "If God had wished me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise" - Johann von Goethe

24th Jul 2012, 05:14 PM	#4
pinklov3ly EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Surrounded by The Great Lakes Age: 26 Posts: 764 Join Date: Feb 2012	Re: Where is this going? What do I do? Is she newly out of the closet? She could be afraid, very afraid; I dated a girl years ago, but I was so scared that I let her go. I couldn't accept myself being gay, perhaps, telling her how you feel will help. She needs to know how her behavior is affecting you especially since you love her. __________________ "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust Last edited by pinklov3ly; 24th Jul 2012 at 05:18 PM..

24th Jul 2012, 05:37 PM	#5
thinkpink Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 98 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Where is this going? What do I do? She isn't out to her family yet, I think you may be right but that's what I'm afraid of too, that she isn't ready to be with me. __________________ "If God had wished me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise" - Johann von Goethe

31st Jul 2012, 09:08 AM	#6
thinkpink Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 98 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Where is this going? What do I do? I found out what is wrong with her, it's her depression. I knew she'd lost some weight but when I saw her Friday I calculated it was at least a stone. She was pale, withdrawn, it affected the way she walked and talked. She wasn't wearing make up and it had clearly been ages since she washed her hair. There were self harm marks all over her arms and I think she made herself sick at the restaurant (I think this because I am a recovering bulimic and know the signs) I told her I still want to be there for her, even if it's just as a friend but she says she doesn't care if I am or if she ever sees anyone again. She is obsessed with her uni mental support worker and only smiles when she talks about her. I heard she went to a party but she says she spent most of it out of the way. I said that even if she doesn't know if she wants it, I want to try and support her, but it is hard. I have been where she is and never want to go back, it is bad for my mental health, took an hr to eat a meal after I saw her actions at dinner. But I care about her. Today she text to say she missed me. She barely goes out anymore. Can't tell her family because they don't know she likes women. Does anyone have a clue what I should do? I feel desperate. __________________ "If God had wished me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise" - Johann von Goethe