1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Where is this going? What do I do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thinkpink, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have been dating a girl I started talking to online 6 months ago for about a month now. After a few jitters beforehand we met, everything was great and we have seen each other a lot since. But she has changed. Some days she is fine other days she is mean and doesn't turn up for our plans. I know she has suffered from bouts of depression and god knows, I get it, I have depression myself and I'm sure this is the issue, I won't walk away. She begs me not to leave her then accuses me of wanting to because she isn't ready for sex yet: I know she's a virgin, I respect that. We are supposed to have plans Friday. She hasn't even confirmed. I am currently in remission from an illness I have been told will come back at any time, she doesn't seem to get my wanting to spend this time with her and not wasting healthy time. My loved ones are worried about what the stress will do to both my physical and mental health. But I love her: I want to help her. We've spoken daily for 6 months. What can I do? Thanks for reading, advice would be much appreciated
     
  2. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    How often do you manage to see each other? How often does she not meet up? Does she let you know she isnt coming or does she just not show? How does she explain herself?
     
  3. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    We have met about 4 times, she cancelled on me twice and just randomly didn't turn up once, she explains herself as "in a strange mood". It's hard because I do love her, although we were just mates for a while, I was with someone but after that ended we admitted we felt more, that was 4 months ago, any advice?
     
  4. pinklov3ly

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2012
    Messages:
    1,445
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Musty Mitten
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is she newly out of the closet? She could be afraid, very afraid; I dated a girl years ago, but I was so scared that I let her go. I couldn't accept myself being gay, perhaps, telling her how you feel will help. She needs to know how her behavior is affecting you especially since you love her.
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Jul 24, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2012
  5. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    She isn't out to her family yet, I think you may be right but that's what I'm afraid of too, that she isn't ready to be with me.
     
  6. thinkpink

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I found out what is wrong with her, it's her depression. I knew she'd lost some weight but when I saw her Friday I calculated it was at least a stone. She was pale, withdrawn, it affected the way she walked and talked. She wasn't wearing make up and it had clearly been ages since she washed her hair. There were self harm marks all over her arms and I think she made herself sick at the restaurant (I think this because I am a recovering bulimic and know the signs) I told her I still want to be there for her, even if it's just as a friend but she says she doesn't care if I am or if she ever sees anyone again. She is obsessed with her uni mental support worker and only smiles when she talks about her. I heard she went to a party but she says she spent most of it out of the way. I said that even if she doesn't know if she wants it, I want to try and support her, but it is hard. I have been where she is and never want to go back, it is bad for my mental health, took an hr to eat a meal after I saw her actions at dinner. But I care about her. Today she text to say she missed me. She barely goes out anymore. Can't tell her family because they don't know she likes women. Does anyone have a clue what I should do? I feel desperate.