The hate...the shit I hear every fucking day...I'm so tired of it. I'm just tired. For awhile I thought maybe people were starting to be generally accepting and open-minded. I was so wrong. Earlier this month I was with my karate instructor, her husband, and one other friend (who knows I'm bi). The topic of bisexuality came up and my instructor was explaining how she thinks men can't be bisexual at all, but she thinks women can because "I went through that phase in college too." Phase?...:tears: I'm SO glad I never came out to her. This past weekend I went with my dad to a national martial arts tournament in Florida. We went in some random gift shop and the person working there was pretty obviously transgender. What did my dad have to say? "That was the scariest, most hideous and disgusting THING I have ever seen." He then decided to tell my brother all about it, and they had an entire conversation full of saying the same things. Considering I've been questioning my gender identity and already having a really fucking hard time with it, that didn't feel too great. Earlier today he said “If you see two dudes making out and don’t get totally sick and disgusted by it, there’s something wrong with you." We were talking about what's wrong with society... Earlier today my brother was just talking about random stuff...I'm not sure how this came up but he ended up basically implying that women are lesbian by choice. My mom says the same stuff all the time...she also says the word "bisexual" as if its some horrible thing to say. I don't know how to explain it. I know this is just a totally whiny rant and not nearly as bad as some things others have had to deal with...but it still sucks. I feel like no one cares how hard all this is for me some days...it's like there's no way out. I just wish there was one day..ONE DAY, where I could just be me. No fear, no worry, no self-hatred, no depression, nothing like that. I wish it would all just STOP...
Hey buddy, I sorry for what they said. They probably don't know any LGBT people and are basing their words off the culture you live in. I'm in a reallyyy conservative place too, so I'm just holding onto the hope that it'll be different somewhere else. My plan is to get my education done so I have a better chance and a job and see what happens from there.. yadda, yadda. Since I don't have any LGBT role models in my life and the sort of atmosphere I'm sure you're familiar with can get very overwhelming, I've found a certain youtube channel helpful. Dunno if you've heard of it, but it's called the Beaver Bunch. It's a great help if you have a chance.
I am sorry to hear that you are in this situation and I can fully understand how miserable one can feel regarding anxiety about what other people think etc. It sounds that likely that your family does not have any friends or family members (at least that they are aware of) who are gay. Of course, this does not improve your situation but maybe can give you a little hope for them shaping their views over time. Have you been able to open up to any friends to build some emotional support for yourself around these issues?
Sounds horrible. But then, you're in Texas. Hopefully you dont' need to stay, and you can eventually move to a part of the country that is more accepting.
