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Best way to go about this

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sesshomaru, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. Sesshomaru

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    There's this new guy at work that I have a crush on. I'm completely out of the closet now and I don't mind who finds out, but I recently just moved to a completely different (and far) city from where I was living before so no one out here knows me. I got a transfer for my job and I'm at a new place and a few days ago a new guy (let's call him Brad) just started working there who I immediately thought was pretty good looking from the minute I saw him and after we talked the day he started and had lunch together today he's come off as a really nice/friendly guy. We spent our entire lunch hour today talking and laughing about our lives and everything and every time we see each other he breaks out with this adorable huge grin that makes me can't help but smile back as well. I've gotten the impression that he might be interested in men but I can't figure out exactly how to ask him since in my past experiences now the other guy involved has always been the one to ask me. But when I look at him he acts the exact same way around me as I do around guys I like what with smiling nonstop, chuckling at everything, and constantly staring/looking at them. He seems like if he is though he might either still be closeted or perhaps he's just too shy to make the first move.

    We've caught each other looking/checking one another out a few times and both blushed and another gay guy we work with (let's call him Bob), who also knows I have a crush on Brad as of today, saw us first heading off to lunch together and said "Hey! Th...Oh I see! :wink:" which made me yell for him to be quiet and blushed after which Brad turned towards me at first looking confused and then smiled. On our way back Bob caught me checking out Brad as I was walking behind him and made a comment asking what was I looking at and Brad pretty much instantly blushed as well and, after Bob was out of earshot, said Bob was a bit weird. I figured if he were straight he probably would have said something about catching me looking full on at least once now but then again I could be wrong.

    I'm just wondering exactly how I could ease into asking him if he likes guys at all since it's new territory for me. Any suggestions?
     
  2. Gravity

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    My first thought - if you're in a new city, and you don't know many people, why not try to be friends first? It might be nice to hang out with him, and the better you get to know him, the easier it will be to ask if he's interested in guys. Or it might just become clearer with time.

    Have you ever spent time together outside of work? See if he wants to sometime. Maybe a quick bite to eat after work. Or invite him out to do something on a weekend.
     
  3. Bobbgooduk

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    I agree -ask him to join you for a beer or something (discretely). If he's "worried", he'll turn you down. If he's straight but happy to be friends - why not? If he is gay, well.....

    Don't drag him to the nearest gay bar and risk making him feel uncomfortable in your company. He might just be accepting and like being friends without the "gay" thing being an issue between you.
    So:

    Discrete invite

    Safe, unthreatening venue

    Keep it simple at first (don't book up the whole evening with drink movie dinner)

    See how it goes.

    Laugh a lot - it's the most attractive thing a person possesses - it far outweighs "physical" charms, even if you DO have the cutest butt in town! :roflmao:
     
  4. Sesshomaru

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    Funny you should mention his butt, since it is very cute and I'm not exactly a butt guy :slight_smile:

    I usually tend to want to find out if my male friends are gay or just cool with hanging out with gay guys since I'd really rather avoid having it makes things awkward between us in the long run or possibly ending the friendship altogether. It just makes things easier for me.

    As for asking him to hang out, well we did go out and have lunch alone together during our lunch hou at work yesterday and talked a bit then. I wouldn't be able to invite him to a bar or anything though since we're both underage and though of course some underage people still drink, it's just not something I'm ever looking to do. Neither of us has a car either which would probably further complicate things. Hanging out on a weekend seems possible if we could find somewhere close by for both of us.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    Well how did they ask you? Were you offended? Put off? If not, ask him that same way. If you were put off or offended, then do the opposite! :icon_bigg
     
  6. Sesshomaru

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    Normally they just either flat out asked or lead into it saying "Don't take this the wrong way but do you like guys?" Others have first asked if I have a gf which I always respond to by saying "Nope. I don't exactly like girls." Which has always been enough to get the point across. I was thinking about asking if he has a gf out here, but I doubt he'd respond the exact same way that I would being asked the question.
     
  7. lilbitlost

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    Well if your too young for bars, why not something like the cinema? Or go see a show or a sports event?
     
  8. Sesshomaru

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    Not to knock down your suggestions but wouldn't asking this soon to go see a movie together sound like a date? Sports could work but that'd require us both finding a way to the event and back home. Not being mobile really limits the options.