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Should I come out when I go to college?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheAMan, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. TheAMan

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    In less than a month I'm heading off to my freshman year in college. (!) It's an all male college and I'm very exciting about attending. All summer I've been debating with myself on whether or not I should come out as bi or not. From what people have told me, people care less about who you are in college so coming out shouldn't be a big deal. Plus since it's an all male college, its a higher chance that there will be more gay/bi guys there.

    On the other hand, not everyone in college will be accepting and that's the part I'm still afraid of. I'm only out to a couple of people and I'm still not comfortable being myself out in public.

    I have been working on an "option c" so to speak whereas I go by a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. That basically means if you don't ask me, I won't tell you, but if you ask me, I won't deny it. This option seems really attractive at the moment but I'm still unsure what to do. I'd love to hear what you guys have to say. :help:
     
  2. Jim1454

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    What kind of college is all male?!? Religious? Military? I wouldn't think that a liberal arts type of school (which would be the most accepting) would be all male...

    But assuming you're not walking into some kind of ultra conservative environment, I'd say just be yourself. Be open and honest and authentic. 'Don't ask don't tell' isn't really ideal - you have to filter what you say all the time I would think. Best to be open and honest about it. But that's me.
     
  3. TheAMan

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    It's a liberal arts college in Virginia. Just a regular college with all male students. Thanks for your advice though.
     
  4. Lad123

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    @Jim: Its a gay college for guys to meet each other xD

    Well if you feel ready to come out then by all means go for it! I think the majority will be accepting so try not to worry about those homophobes. Anyways you can't expect to get along with everyone.
     
  5. castle walls

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    I'd suggest checking out the place and adjusting to college a little bit first. I'm not saying that you should hide who you are but I'd take a few weeks to see whats what. That is what I would do anyway. I don't know if you were already planning on doing that but I just wanted to throw that out there.

    Good luck in college!
     
  6. BradThePug

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    What I did when I went to college was I went to some of the Pride meetings. As I got more comfortable, I began to tell my friends from that group. Then I came out in my dorm. I only had one person have a bad reaction at school. That was my first roommate. I had her switched from my room, so in the end it worked out.

    Just go at you own pace, do what makes you feel comfortable. I didn't even come out to my second roommate until near the end of the second semester. I was scared that I would have a repeat of the first roommate..
     
  7. Bobbgooduk

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    I'd give it a week ot two to see how the land lies before being as honest as it's possible to be ans STILL stay safe.

    Good luck - going away to college is such an adventure!(!)
     
  8. justchris

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    I think one of my biggest regrets when I started my freshmen year at college was not living out. Of course, I wasn't even out at home, but I feel like it would have made a lot more sense to start the process at college. I feel that I would have opened more doors for me because I was in a place where I didn't know anyone and no one knew me, and while I'd rather be known as a person and not a 'gay' person, I feel like I would have been happier at college living out.

    But of course, you have to go at your own pace and feel comfortable with the people around you (IE your roommate/hall mates).
     
  9. Ianthe

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    I think I found your school and it looks like they do have an LGBT organization. So, I would get involved in that. Your first acts of "living out" can be just inquiring about the group.

    There are very few men's colleges left around. At one point, I think it was very important for women to push for entry into the men's schools, because the women's colleges were not equivalent, in terms of education or prestige, and so most men's schools were heavily pressured to go coeducational.
     
  10. Chip

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    Hmmmm. There aren't many all-male liberal arts schools, and only one in Virginia that I can find. If it's the one I found, it is reputed to be one of the least gay-friendly schools in the entire US.

    Are you sure this is a good choice for you? I realize it's a little late to change horses now, but you might consider transferring somewhere else after your first semester or first year.

    College should be a time where you can "blossom" and be yourself. If you're constantly having to hide who you are, you'll take what should otherwise be one of the most empowering and growth-focused times of your life and limit your opportunity to find yourself as a person. Additionally, being a decidedly gay-unfriendly place, there are unlikely to be many other gay people there, and the ones who are will likely be deeply closeted.

    I very rarely say this, but I think (again, assuming I've got the right school) that in this particular circumstance, coming out at school would probably not be such a great idea.