Hi all, I'm a 33-year-old woman, married to a straight man (seven years, now). Since I was a little girl, I have crushed on and been attracted to other women. In high-school, most of my friends were guys, because I was always too shy to interact with other women, due to being attracted to them, or for fear of not being accepted, &c. My best friend was another girl, and I loved her very much. I knew she was straight, however, so. My high school was strictly Christian, and my parents were very wary of gay culture. They simply didn't understand how to deal with it. I knew my only stability would be if I had a boyfriend. In college, I had a boyfriend I liked a lot. We even had sex, and it was a curious thing for me. I liked getting off, but the process was sort of uninteresting to me. Penises were curious and interesting, but didn't arouse me. I met other bisexual girls in college and started to feel that was what I might be. I flirted some, but I still never had a relationship with another woman. A few years after college, I married a man I love very much. We are emotional and intellectual perfect matches. He's very straight (though very non-heteronormative in other ways) and he has a very high libido. I find I simply can't keep up with it; I'm just not interested. I just don't want sex, certainly not straight sex. I feel terrible for not wanting sex with my husband. I can "help him out" in other ways, and that's fine! I just ...can't abide the idea of intercourse. I still prefer women, and I am immediately attracted to them, while I can only categorize attractive men as "handsome". Have I been fooling myself for 33 years? Am I a lesbian, or a bisexual going through a "girls-only" phase (is that a thing that even happens)? I'm totally ignorant about this, because I've tried very hard to never give it any thought until now. Help, please?:icon_redf
Im in a similar situation, Im 29, in a five year relationship with a man, and questioning. He sounds kind of like your husband, too, high libido and very straight but non-heteronormative! Can't help you cause I'm still figuring it out, but just wanted you to know youre not alone
Hey do you find men attractive in general, like celebrities or people you see in the street? What about girls?
Hi, welcome to Empty Closets! It sounds to me like you are probably a lesbian. Many bisexuals experience fluctuations in how attracted they are to different genders, but usually not to the point that they "can't abide" the thought of sex with their current partner. And your whole history you report is very much skewed towards interest in women.
I feel like I am in the same boat- Have been divorced for 12 yrs and have not met a man I would keep so I am still single. This past year I had the good fortune to meet a lesbian woman and we became immediate friends, and ended up in a relationship. I had not felt the fallen in love feelings for anyone all these years, and then WHAM! It hit me on the head like a lightening bolt. Sadly, she has alot of personal issues from a lousy childhood and has ended the relationship as she feels she wants to be alone. My heart is broken. I understand she must do what is right for her, but I really miss her. Now I am wondering if I should date men, or women or no one. It's making me crazy! I have always -since I was a girl been attracted to women but never acted on it sue to social and family pressure to be normal and act in an acceptable way. At this point in my life, I am done doing what others think i should, but in spite of that freedom, Still feel confused! I know that is not a solution for your situation, but sometimes it helps to know you are not alone. I am 51 and still trying to figure it out.... Thank you for sharing your story.
